'tis the season of critters and creepy, crawly things

Critters:  Before I let allow the cats to come in, first I do a visual inspection followed by a patting down to make sure they aren't trying to smuggle live or dead chipmunks across the doorstep.

 

Critters:  There is a ground hog that trundles back and forth across our back yard. Tom stares longingly out the back door, wishing he could take a shot at him. But since I am adamant that he not have a gun, he can only holler "GROUNDHOG" out the door in a vain attempt to scare Mr. Groundhog away. 

 

Creepy crawly things: 

 

Tuesday evening, following a day of unseasonably hot and humid weather, we had a particularly heavy thunder storm. After the storm, the cats wanted to go out. I decided to leave the kitchen door open so that they could come and go at their leisure.  When I went back into the kitchen to start dinner, I was stopped dead in my tracks, for there on the floor,to my great consternation and utter revulsion, was 4 inches of plump, wriggling ugliness. Because of the plumpness of the creature I was fairly confident that it was not a snake. But I needed to be sure.  

 

"Right then" I said. Girding up my loins, I poked at it with a hesitant finger. It immediately contorted into a protective C-shape thus confirming my suspicions that it was  not a snake. But it still needed to be identified and disposed of!

 

Tom was in the living watching the ball game. I squawked and begged and pleaded for him to come and look at this thing before it crawled away. But to no avail. He wouldn't move from his prone position on the couch to see what all the commotion was about.

 

"Fine" I huffed. "If Mohammed won't come to the mountain......." 

 

For those of you who know of my legendary battles with creepy crawly things, you can guess what I did next.

 

That's right!

 

I reached for my trusty kitchen tongs, snatched up the thing and being careful not to squeeze too hard carried the it into the living room.

 

"WHAT IS THIS?" I screeched, thrusting creepy crawly laden tongs into Tom's face .

 

After giving it a cursory glance he said, with great disinterest and more than a hint of irritation in his voice, "It's a centipede, Jen". Having answered my burning question, he turned dismissively back to the Mets game and left me with standing there foolishly holding a centipede in a pair of kitchen tongs. 

 

Since it was only a centipede, I charitably decided that it could live another day, flung it into the yard, washed the tongs and started dinner.

 

I thought I handled that well, all things considered.  

 

Jen Vanquisher of All Things Creepy Crawly signing off

 

 

 

 

 

 

catching up

This morning I woke up with a sense of foreboding. 

 

It could have been because I was going back to work after a lovely three day weekend OR it could have been the Big Mac that I ate at 9pm, followed by the large DQ root beer float.

 

I saw Indiana Jones on Thursday.  Honestly?  I could have waited for it to come out on pay-per-view.

 

In other news, last week I was suffering.  Not the lack of internet access both at work and at home while I was waiting for my laptop to be repaired kind of suffering.  But physical suffering.  For all last week I was living with a pimple up in my left nostril.

 

It was painful to the touch on the outside and was causing my nose to swell most unbecomingly and precluding me from flaring my nostrils, as I am a master nostril flarer. 

 

The swelling has since subsided but the memory still lingers.  

 

Yesterday I spent the day cutting out the UPC code from 100 empty bags of mulch. These bags were scrunched up, wet and in some cases, moldy.  But my husband informed me that we would get a 40¢ rebate for each one.  If you are doing your math that is $40.00.  Which will just about buy me a tank of gas.

 

During the holiday, I finished two books. A John Sandford "Prey" novel and Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes.  I also watched the movie Juno.  I recommend it.  And you know....Jason Bateman...quite yummy. 

 

Sunday morning my other best good friend Ginger, called me at 9am.  We talked and talked until well after 12pm.  It is a good thing my husband had already gone out for the day, because I fear he wouldn't understand how I could talk for three hours straight.  The sad part?  In the three hours that we talked, I could have jumped in my car and driven all the way out to PA to visit with her face to face.   

 

Halfway through our marathon chat-fest I had to pee and this is how good a friend Ginger is.....she continued to talk with me even as I did my business and flushed.  I  gave her warning first though.

 

Hey listen we've all done it.  That is the beauty of a cordless phone!!

 

And finally, I want to say that for those of you who have blogs I did read all of your blogs over the weekend  But there is no way I could comment on all of them.  Just know that I was reading and enjoying.  And now that the laptop has returned, I'm back in the saddle again and will comment like crazy (but only in the evenings!), because I know that life just isn't the same without a comment from Jen!!!!

 

 

celery

i'm back. 

bigger and better than ever.

actually, since i've been sticking to my carrots and celery and minimal sweets i'm not bigger.

not necessarily smaller either, but rather  maintaining. and i can assure you, in case you were wondering, you certainly won't see me in a bathing suit anytime soon.  the entire eastern seaboard can breathe a huge sigh of relief.

 

since i can't surf the web while at work anymore (bitter?  i think so!!) can someone please tell me the nutritional value of raw celery? 

 

 

the winner is.....

Ami!!

 

The small personage I saw in the lobby was indeed Dr. Ruth.

 

Dressed casually, she came breezing into the lobby, plopped herself down on a chair to wait for the person she was going to meet.

 

She sat on the edge of her chair and watched everything and everyone with great interest, like a little bird. We made eye contact and smiled briefly and continued with our individual perusings of the room.  

 

When the gentleman for whom she was waiting finally arrived, she rose and greeted him with a hug and a kiss and exchanged a few words in German. Then she gathered up her things and they were off.

 

This was just as satisfying as the time I saw The Fonz on the street and leaned out of the car window to holler "I love you".  He graciously blew a kiss.  I remember wondering at the time what it must be like to be a star and be walking down the street deep in your own thoughts and have a fan scream undying love from a passing car. 

 

What famous person(s) have you seen?  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

thanks so much

Thank you all for admitting that this has happened to you as well.

 

You should know that the email was from the BOSS.  The owner of the company.

 

He says that I can use the internet on my own time. As if I really want to come in early to surf the web!!!

 

Tomorrow I will tell you all about my trip into NYC and the important personage I made eye contact with in the lobby of The Yale Club of NYC.

 

I'll give you three hints:

 

1) It was a she

2) She was small. You know....S M ALL

3) She had an accent

 

A prize to the person who guesses correctly.

I am SO busted

I was greeted with this email when I came into work this morning:

 

Jennifer,

Internet use during business hours is for COMPANY use only. 

You are free to use the internet after hours for personal use.

This is the last time I want to discuss this with you. If you have any questions, please let me know. 

Thanks

So until I get my laptop back, I am seriously limited in my email/blogging.  Don't do anything too interesting while I'm gone.

 

 

Wasted Weekend

Because of my computer black-out I watched TV and movies over the weekend.

The movies:



No Country For Old Men and Michael Clayton



I'm sure that I'm in the minority here, but I thought that while Javier Bardem's performance was good, it wasn't exactly Oscar-worthy.



His haircut on the other hand.......



The same can be said for Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton. I might have found a new girl crush.

I need to see her in other movies though. Any suggestions?

I am not very fond of British actors trying to do American accents so I can only imagine that it must pain the ears of the British population to hear American actors doing British accents. I did like Tom Wilkinson. The first time I saw him was in a movie with Minnie Driver called "The Governess". He was long and lean and elegant and naked. Watch it, you just might like it.

TV: Housewives of NYC. I saw the final episode and the reunion show. I can't believe I wasted my time watching this show, much less IM'ing Sanna for 10 minutes about it today.
Anybody else watching this show? Or how about "Keeping up with the Kardashians" . I can't stop watching that show either. And all keep thinking when I see Bruce Jenner is "FACE LIFT"

I also started reading two books: Out of Africa - by Isak Dinesen and then when I can't stand any more of the wordiness I move on to The Little Lady Agency - by Hester Browne. This book is major chick-lit but it is British chick lit so I'm reading it with a British accent and therefore counts as culture.

In the food and beverage department I polished off the rest of a can of cashews, ate many Milky Way miniatures - hey, it takes a LOT of miniatures to make one big candy bar so in reality I ate only one whole Milky Way, had three slices of left over ham and onion pizza washed down with a rapidly going flat Coke and one carrot. Just to keep it healthy.

What did you do this weekend?

Friday round-up

My laptop gave up the ghost Wednesday night.

It had been acting wonky for a couple of days so this wasn’t a complete surprise.

Right now it's in the shop to see if it can be resuscitated.

In the meantime, I’m reduced to checking emails and blogging on the sly at work.

I was going to show you pictures of the lovely birthday gifts I received from Melody (which put my birthday celebration over the top!!) but the computer crapping out put the kibosh on that.

Instead I'll just describe as best I can what she sent:

She sent me cupcakes.

Cupcakes that she made with her own two little hands and packed up very carefully and mailed to me.

Red velvet cupcakes with a vanilla bean icing. They were delicious. The icing especially.

PLUS

She sent me an apron with the “calling dr. bombay” logo printed on it. In orange. If and when I get my laptop back I’ll definitely post a picture.

If I had the computer savvy and know-how, I would take this logo and use it as the header on my blog.

And finally, today I wore a shirt that I haven't worn since last summer and I'm happy to report that it did NOT hug my fat rolls like it had in the past. Munching on those carrots is helping. Next week I'll add celery.

Can I Collect Workman's Comp?

Dude!

I just fell off my chair.

I leaned over to pick up something and the chair rolled out from under me and I fell with a crashing thud.

There were immediate cries of “What happened?” and “Are you ok?”

I hauled myself up, righted my chair, assured my coworkers all was well and went back to work, with the tingling of what is sure to become a lovely bruise on my right arm.

I am telling you this because I thought you all deserved a nice mental image of Jen falling on her ass in her cubicle. Makes for a nice pick-me–up in the middle of an otherwise boring week, don’t you think?


Know this: I loathe, despise and abominate vegetables. So that fact that I am eating raw carrots for the third day in a row is worth mentioning.

His Cheeseburger

Know this: Melody rocks.

I’ll explain in greater detail next week

In the meantime enjoy this:

Birthday party woo hoo

Welcome!!



Come on in and join the party!



I've got some wonderful nibbly things and desserts for you to enjoy.



In addition to the things seen in the slide show, a traditional birthday party at my house often included a big 5 gallon bucket of ice cream, cheese curls, A&W root beer, two sets of grandparents and assorted aunts, uncles and cousins.

I wanted to put up some music for the day, but I know that some of you might stop by and visit while you are at work and I don't want you to call undue attention to yourself by blaring loud music. Feel free to quietly sing Happy Birthday to me under your breath.

This morning I was was rudely woken by my husband bellowing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN"

The day continued to get better when I hobbled downstairs and opened the amazon.com box that has been sitting on my table for a week. It was two books from my best good friend Sanna. Even though they came early I waited until my birthday like a good girl. I got a biography of Julia Child (from my wish list). I can't wait to start reading it. I don't mind admitting that when I was growing up I used to drag out all my play dishes and pretend that I was on a TV cooking show just like Julia Child.


I also received a package from my friend Cory in Florida. It is a nice packet of notecards. Would it be weird if I sent a thank you on the very cards she sent me?


And finally, this had nothing to do with my birthday but....this morning I was watching the weather channel and the news anchor informed us that Pensacola Florida is having a mullet festival. Turns out they were talking about the fish, but for a brief second, I thought that all the red-neck men in America were planning to descend on Pensacola and have a contest to see who has the fiercest mullet.

Thank you for coming and sharing my birthday with me today.

Before you leave, have a "Nejyerftini" -
30mls Lemon Vodka
15mls Cointreau
fresh orange juice

CHEERS!!


Food compliments of Melody of Trapdoor

Pansies and birthdays

Last night my husband brought me an early birthday present.

A hanging basket of yellow pansies.

He knows pansies are my favorite spring-time flower.

And he also reminded me that this is the time of year when I’m usually in the throes of an MS exacerbation.

He said it out loud so please knock on wood that he hasn’t jinxed me!

Speaking of birthdays……don’t forget you are all invited to my birthday blogparty on April 22nd. If you want to bring a dish, please email me the picture at nejyerf@hotmail.com so that I can add it to the menu and put it out for people to see.

Melody will be catering and she’s promised to invent a drink just for the occasion.

A Nejyerftini.

All suggestions for the drink will be taken under advisement.

Make sure you put on your best bib and tucker for the party. Since it is virtual, you can wear whatever you like, only you must describe it when you come in the door.

I myself, will be wearing my posh frock. It is orange and sparkly. You’ll see it on Tuesday.

Have a mahvelous weekend!!

Over or Under?

Our office has a water cooler.

Our office has four women.

What happens when you put the two together?

You have an office full of women who need to pee.

A lot.

An office full of peeing women = many bathroom trips

Many trips to the bathroom to the bathroom = inordinate amounts of toilet paper used.

In our office when the toilet paper needs to be changed, it gets changed. No questions asked, no leaving a tiny smidgen on the roll rather than changing it, leaving the next person in the awkward position of having to scramble off the pot with her pants around her ankles to get a new roll out of the linen closet. But I digress.

The only problem is, when the one girl changes it, she always puts the new roll on going over rather than under. This distresses me so very much that I have to change the roll to the under position. It is only then that I can pee in peace.

How do you roll?

Blogs of Distinction

Ami shamed me and Misty flattered me into nominating people for the Blog of Distinction Award.

So here goes…..

I hereby nominate:

Misty of Rainy Day in May - she makes me come as close to crying as a person with a heart of stone can, with stories of the battles with her daughter
P of biped.sideways because she makes me think – I don’t always understand what she is talking about and I love her because of that
Melody of Trap Door – because she makes me heave huge sighs of gustatory delight over her delicious recipes
All Knowing Jen from - The Bus of Love – she makes me laugh and because we are both Jen’s
Gillian of The Reluctant Grown-up – because she’s due to drop (this is a farm term that I learned from my cow-raising sister and yes I realize that I just compared Gillian to a cow, but it is meant in the nicest possible way) at any moment and needs something to occupy her mind

Meme mania

Last week, my lovely blog friend Ami nominated me for a “Blog of Distinction” award. Started by Working Mum on the Verge, this award is given to bloggers who make us "laugh, cry, think or sigh". In accepting this award, I am to pass it on to five other bloggers who I think are distinct, and who make me laugh, cry, think or sigh. Since Ami and I are a mutual admiration society, normally she would have been my first choice.

But I can’t pick just one blog amongst all of the ones I read, so I’m going to say that ALL of you make me “laugh, cry, think or sigh”. Kisses all round.

Teacher Bee tagged me to do a list of six unimportant things about me. Where was this meme last month when I was looking for lists?!

1) I collect paper dolls
2) I like Pepsi over Coke
3) I never wear nail polish – I’ve tried but I just can’t seem to get it on neat enough
4) I never get more than 8 books at a time from the library
5) I play eeny, meeny, miney, mo to determine which book to read first
6) I never print. My printing looks like a 2nd grader’s

I'm supposed to tag someone, but I never do that. Instead feel free to divulge an unimportant fact about yourself.

Detritus

When I think of P (who is from Iowa) this song starts going through my head:

Oh, there's nothing halfway
about the Iowa way to treat you
when we treat you
which we may not do at all.

Tell me, my lovely musical geeks, what musical is this from?

Baseball jargon I’ve learned and will now share with you:
A blooper or “bloop” is a weakly hit fly ball that drops in for a single between an infielder and an outfielder. Also known as a bloop single.

comebacker - A ball batted directly back to the pitcher. This one I learned quite recently when my husband’s Uncle Bruce got beaned during baseball practice and had to have 25 or so stitches in his head

I’m not a Mariah Carey fan, but I really like her new single “Touch My Body”. I do wish that she would wear something that is not “too”. You know…. too short, too tight, too low, too high. And I read somewhere that she prefers to be photographed and filmed from her right side. So the next time you watch her video, pay attention and you’ll see what I mean.

I like the scent of:
1) Scotch tape
2) Brown paper bags
3) New books –When I was gloating over the pile of new books I received for Christmas I couldn’t restrain myself and without even thinking about it, I held the books up to my nose one at a time and fanned the pages so that I could inhale the new book aroma. My husband looked at me very curiously. I explained that I just like the smell. You would think that a man who delights in the offensive odor of his own farts would understand.

I found a new flavor of Oreo – strawberry milkshake. I am limiting myself to just three a day. I am also sharing with my husband. Can you believe it? Not only am I showing incredible restraint but I’m also sharing. It’s a new and improved Jen!! I’ve hidden the cookies where he will never find them and dole them out to him six at a time. It is as much for him as it for me. He will gorge himself on cookies and milk until he is ready to burst.

Today I cut someone from my blog reader. Every time I go to her blog she is complaining about her husband and threatening to leave him. If you read between the lines, you can tell that she is nothing more than an unhappy woman and is blaming him for it. I have no time for whiners and moaners and since I never comment on her blog anyway it was easy to cut her like she was dead weight. Once again allow me to reiterate…. if you are not entertaining me or not making me think then I have no time for you so… “Good-bye to you”

Nothin' but green, baby

Today, on the way in to work, I hit every green light.

I got to work in record time.

It's the little things in life that make me happy.

What little thing made you happy today (besides reading this post of course!)?

cake for everyone!!

In two weeks it will be my 36th birthday.

I'm throwing a blog-party and you are all invited.

No RSVP needed.

At least they aren't on backwards....

Don't ask me how this happens.....but because I think it is important to share important details of my life with you.....I just now this minute discovered that I've got my pink Hanes Her Way underwear on inside out.


Which begs the question......if I turn them right side out can I wear them again tomorrow?!?!

thought for the weekend

In the words of the great philosopher, Chris Berman,

"There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people who ask questions."

Can I get an amen?

dream a little dream

I’ve been taking a new drug for the MS – Low Dose Naltrexone – but that is not the point of this story.

One of the side effects – or benefits, depending on which way you want to look at it – is very vivid dreams. These dreams are so out there that I don’t even bother to try and analyze them, I just accept them.

Mostly they are peculiar, like the night I dreamt that I was chasing Sarah Jessica Parker and tackled her and spanked her bare bottom with a flip-flop, in the middle of the street.

The other night I had a crazy sex dream. Usually when I have my crazy sex dreams, it is with either an anonymous stranger that I picked up in my dream world or the guy from high school whom I’ve told you about.

But this night it was different, this night, the only time I can sleep with someone else without breaking my wedding vows and who should turn up?

My husband.

I know what you will say, “Awww, how romantic, dreaming about your husband”.

I say, “I was ROBBED”

this is me with nothing to say - enjoy it while it lasts!

finis

This month of lists has reached its conclusion!!


1) I am happy
2) I am exhausted
3) I am ready to tell the stories that languished while I made lists
4) I am going to go around to all you lovely people who commented while I listed
5) I am taking my leave of you now.

Don't forget tomorrow or today (depending on when you are reading this) is April Fool's Day.

Sunday

This will be my last post on boring weekend activities for a long time - I promise!

Today I:

1) Lolled around in bed all morning finishing a James Patterson novel
2) Lolled around on the couch all afternoon watching The Sunshine Boys with George Burns and Walter Matthau
3) Flung a bag of peanuts, one or two at a time, off the back deck for the squirrels.
4) Polished off the rest of the cookies I made on Thursday
5) Played endless games of Zuma
6) Plotted ways to get back at my fellow co-worker for the attitude she has been showing me lately - but that is another post


And now I must go to bed

counter space

If there is one thing you should know about me, it is that I cannot abide cluttered counters. We have a small house with limited counter space so I like to keep them cclean and clear but this week things got a little out of control. So today, I awoke with resolve in my heart and this is what I cleaned off the counters:

1) Open bag of Twizzlers cherry nips that I decanted into a candy jar
2) Unopened stick of Gilette deodorant - from when I unloaded the groceries on Tuesday
3) Bag of red delicious apples
4) Box of Raisin Bran that I've been waiting for Tom to put away
5) Empty egg carton that needs to go to the people from whom we buy our eggs
6) Bag of tomatoes - I can never remember - should I store tomatoes in the fridge?
7) Bag of moldy steak rolls - what a disappointment!! I chucked them out the back door for the birdies
8) Container of biscotti that my sister made me for Christmas - does biscotti go bad?
9) Bowl of onions and garlic - just like Rachael Ray
10) Two tortillas wrapped in tin foil
11) Bag of rice too big to fit in the cupboard right now - I'm going to start making real rice instead of minute rice!!
12) Empty iced tea pitcher - I was waiting for Tom to make the tea.....it will be a long wait
13) Empty ice cube tray - no room in the freezer for it
14)Gma Bergman's bowl - she sent home spaghetti when I was laid up and we've yet to return it. I need to send it back with something yummy in it.
15) Two bananas rapidly growing brown - maybe I can make Gma some banana bread?
16) Extra bag of bread that I got out to thaw
17) Open box of Entenmanns Popems that I cleverly hid from my husband by putting the loaf of bread on top of the box
18) Tray of fresh baked cookies that I disguised with a dish towel so he won't eat them all at one sitting
19) Empty applesauce jar that really should go to recycling but will most likely end up in the garbage - don't judge me, we all do it!
20) Glass dish that I made baked ziti in last week and had to wash out by hand since it won't fit correctly in the dishwasher

This is not even counting all the things that are permanent fixtures on the counters ie: toaster, mixer, bread box, mug tree etc.

I put everything away in its proper place and my kitchen once again looks neat and tidy.

What is on your counters?

not tonight honey, i have a headache

Reasons why I've had a headache all day:

1) I slept funny on my pillow last night
2) Too much time staring at the computer screen
3) Didn't drink enough water
4) My fellow co-worker gave me nothing but attitude all day
5) My hair is on too tight

Tomorrow will be a better day

Names

1) I had a Boston fern when I was in college. My friend Claudette freed it from a random front porch. She presented it to me late one night. She was drunk, Claudette not the plant. I named the plant Mrs. Shinn. You might know Mrs. Shinn by her full name "My Wife, Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn"

2) Our cat is named Althea, after the Grateful Dead song by the same name.

3) If we ever decide to get a dog I want to call him "Pilgrim". In his films,The Duke (John Wayne) liked to call people pilgrim.

4) I'm also fond of the names Wagstaffe and Pohlwhistle.

5) It is a secret dream of mine to open a party-planning business. The name? "A Cunning Plan"

6) Or a funky boutique called "Utterly Too Too"

Bonus points if you can tell me where I got the names for number 1, 5 and 6.

I cannot even tell you how happy I am that this month of lists is coming to an end!!!

scraping the bottom of the barrel

This was a meme I did ages ago on my MSN Spaces blog. It is late and Top Chef is on and I don't have time to do an inspired list so here.....

THE RULES:
1. the tagged person has to come up with 8 different points of the perfect lover.
2. The tagged person needs to mention the sex of the target.
3. The tagged person needs to tag 8 victims to play this game and leave a comment saying they have been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, you don't have to post again.

Okay....here goes....8 points on the perfect lover:

1)He is of the male persuasion
2)He does not think it beneath his dignity to do a little light housework.
3)He will share his french fries when I've finished mine first.
4)He will fill the ice cube trays of his own volition.
5)He knows when to leave me in peace.
6)He is a spontaneous lover
7)He can wear a floral Hawaiian shirt with aplomb
8)Most importantly, he thinks that I am the only one for him.

I'm not tagging anyone unless you REALLY want to do it. If so, let me know you are going to do it so we can compare notes.

Brawny vs. Bounty

Brawny paper towels were on sale this at Shop-Rite so I bought a six pack.

You know how you see the commericals for paper towels, how you can rinse them out and use them over and over again? I never really believed it but tonight I decided to put the Brawny paper towel to the test.

Much to my surprise and delight, my one square of Brawny cleaned the following:

1) All the kitchen counters (with Windex)
2) The stove top
3) The casserole dish in which I made roasted sweet potatoes
4) The wooden spoon I used to stir the roasted sweet potatoes
5) A measuring cup
6) The griddle pan on which I made a London broil
7) The sink
8) The sink strainer
9)The wall behind the sink where I splashed spaghetti sauce the night before
10) And finally, the Brawny paper towel, still with plenty of life left in it, wiped down the stainless steel garbage can before I threw it away

I've always been a Bounty girl. You know, Bounty, the quicker, picker, upper.

But Brawny totally kicked Bounty's ass.

What do you use?

news and notes

Big news here at Dr. Bombay’s: My lovely writer friend Ami, from “Writing: My Life” interviewed me for a series of “getting to know you” posts that she is doing.

Because she asked me so very nicely and because I will jump at any chance to talk about myself ad nauseam, I agreed. You can read the interview here. While you are there, make sure you browse through her previous posts. She is a gifted writer and you might just find something to your liking.


Notes on previous posts:

1) Easter: Tom couldn’t find Ben-Hur and wasn’t really in the mood for The Sound of Music so we settled for Sahara (with limited commercial interruptions) starring the always lovely to look upon Matthew McConaughey. Also starring Penelope Cruz. Here is my problem with Penelope: She might be pretty and all, but her accent is so thick it is hard to understand her.


2) Make-up: At Easter dinner, Kathy (FIL’s girlfriend) wanted to know if I got contacts or something because my eyes looked different. I DO wear contacts, but the difference is directly attributable to the make-up that I’m currently applying every day. See, I TOLD you I was stunning!!!


3) Games: I forgot the card game Dutch Blitz – it is a card game invented by the Pennsylvania Dutch since they aren’t permitted to use real playing cards.


4) Books: Betsy mentioned the Betsy-Tacy books, I LOVED those books and can’t believe I forgot them. Also, Island of the Blue Dolphins is sitting in my to-be-read pile on my night stand


5) Women- I forgot to add that my fellow co-worker can never admit that she might be wrong. Apparently there are people in this world who believe that it is weak to admit when you are wrong. I don’t believe that. I believe that admitting you are wrong shows that you are the bigger person. Am I wrong? Please, enlighten me.

Easter

We went to my father-in-law's for Easter dinner.

We were served:

Fruit salad made by the loving hands of Uncle Bruce - no melon, for which I am forever grateful

Spinach salad or regular salad

Ham or pork roast -your choice
Rice or baked potato
Asparagus, green beans or broccoli
Beets
Bread

For dessert:
Coconut cream pie
Lemon meringue pie
Cheese cake with berries
Frosted angel food cake with jelly beans - traditional Easter cake made by Grandma


Now we are back home and Tom is trying to find Ben-Hur on TV as that is the traditional movie watched on Easter.

If we can't find Ben-Hur we will watch The Sound of Music on ABC Family.

"How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

make-up

I keep meaning to tell you this....I've been wearing make-up every day.

For those of you who don't know me, this is huge. I never wear make-up.

I would like to think it is because I'm naturally beautiful but really I don't wear make-up because I'm too lazy to put it on.

But no more.

Every morning I put on the following:

Brown eyeliner
Mascara
Eyeshadow
Lip gloss

And I'm stunning!!!

the games we play

While we are taking a trip down memory lane....my favorite games when I was a kid were:

1) Candy Land
2) Hungry Hungry Hippos
3) Uno – Uno was HUGE in the fourth grade. When we had indoor recess we had mad Uno tournaments
4) Skip-bo
5) Memory – I kicked my sister’s butt every time
6) Jacks – onesies, twosies
7) Chinese jump rope
8) Connect Four – “pretty sneaky sis”
9) Slap the Berry Bird – a version of slap jack with baskets of fruit and a berry bird that likes to steal the fruit
10) Monopoly – my sister and I would play marathon games until one of us got tired

What games did you play?

Books

You all know that I like movies, but did you know that I also like to read?

During summer vacations, I would rather have stayed inside and read a book rather than be out running around.

When it was time to turn out the lights and go to sleep, I used to get out of bed and read by the dim hall light.

I always carried a book with me and read whenever there was a spare moment in school. I read all kinds of books. My mother fed me books like: Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, Trixie Belden, Donna Parker and authors like Elizabeth Enright, Eleanor Estes, Laura Ingalls Wilder. Lois Lenski and Beverly Cleary;when I was old enough: Anne of Green Gables, Beany Malone; and from my grandmother I read Grace Livingston Hill.

I used to sneak my mother’s Harlequin romance novels and read them on the sly.

When I would visit my friend Ginger, we would each sit and read from a pile of romance novels that she got from the woman for whom she babysat. Libertine Lady was our favorite. I wish I could find a copy!

Went I was in college, I got into Stephen King and Dean Coontz and authors of that ilk.

Then for a while I was into John Grisham and Richard North Patterson and Robert Ludlum and David Baldacci and slowly graduated on to murder mysteries and chick books by the likes of Katie Fforde.

Recently my sister suggested that I start expanding my library by collecting Newbery Medal and Honor winners.

I found a list and have been slowly working my way through it.

So far I've read or own the following:
Blue Willow - Doris Gates
The Hundred Dresses - Eleanor Estes
Charlotte's Web - E.B. White
Gone-away Lake - Elizabeth Enright - i highly recommend this one
Rascal - Sterling North
The Egypt Game -Zilpha Keatley Snyder - currently reading this one
Abel's Island - William Steig
Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry - Mildred D. Taylor
Ramona and Her Father - Beverly Cleary
The Great Gilly Hopkins - Katherine Paterson
Indian Captive - Lois Lenski
The Witch of Blackbird Pond - Elizabeth George Speare - i read this one in school so often that it earned me the moniker "Witch" that lasted until I graduated high school

What did you read growing up?

women!!

Reasons why it is tough to work with women:

1) One week someone is on a diet and cranky
2) Your outfit is always being scrutinized and you can’t wear the same thing on Monday and Friday
3) Stinky perfume applied liberally
4) It is either too hot in the summer or too cold in the winter
5) Another week someone else is on a diet and we can’t order Domino’s
6) Who cares about your mother-in-law?!?
7) Nobody says a word about the fact that since you’ve come back after being away three months because you felldownthestepsandbrokeyourleg, you’ve dropped almost 15lb and are looking pretty good

Need I say more?!?

Theme Songs

I realized the other day that not only is there a dearth of good half-hour sitcoms on TV but the sitcoms that are on don’t have the quality theme songs of the sitcoms of yore.

Can you name them all?!

1) Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shootin at some food
And up through the ground came a bubblin crude


2) Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship

3)Here we come
Walking down the street
We get the funniest looks from
Everyone we meet.

4)Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day,and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

5)Hello, world, hear the song that we're singin'
C'mon get happy!
A whole lot of lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy!

6)One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
Schlemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated
We're gonna do it!

7)Just two good ole boys,
Never meaning no harm.
Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law
Since the day they was born.

8)I'll bet we've been together for a million years
And I'll bet we'll be together for a million more
Oh, It's like I started breathing
On the nite we kissed
And I can't remember what I ever did before

9) Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came.

10)Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.
Believe it or not,I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

11) Well we're movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.

12) Come and knock on our door
We've been waiting for you
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his
Three's company, too!

13) Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile)
Don't waste another minute on your cryin'.
We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near)
The best is ready to begin.

14) Boy the way Glen Miller played
Songs that made the hit parade.
Guys like us we had it made,
Those were the days.

15) Thank you for being a friend.
Travel down the road and back again.
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party,
invited everyone you knew.
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
and the card attached would say,
thank you for being a friend.

16) Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

17) Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.
But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.

18)What ever happened to predictibility?
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.
Everywhere you look , everywhere you go (there's a heart).
There's a heart
A hand to hold onto.

19)Maybe the world is blind,
Or just a little unkind.
Don't know.

20)You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.

Give me some more

color me irish

In honor of it being St. Patrick’s day and all I am wearing:
1) my favorite green t-shirt that says “Lucky” and has a leprechaun doing a jig on it.
2) green striped socks with shamrocks
3) subtly applied green eye-shadow

I am also suppressing the urge to answer the phone in my best Irish brogue “Top o’the mornin’ to ye”

Chores and such

Because I know you are so very interested in the minutiae of my life....today I did NOT do the following:

1) Clean out refrigerator
2) Clean the tub and toilet
3) Dust
4) Address Easter cards that I mean to send to each and every one of you or at least those of you whose address I have
5) Vacuum the living room
6) Fold clean underwear and put away

But I DID:
1) Finish my latest book
2) Start a new one
3) Three loads of laundry
4) Made pancakes for breakfast
5) Swept kitchen floor
6) Watched a Rita Hayworth/Gene Kelly musical

sprinkles

Today I cleaned out my cupboards.

When I cleaned out the cupboard holding all my baking supplies, I discovered that I have accumulated quite a few containers of sprinkles:

1) Farm animals - chicks and ducks and cows and sheep in colors not found on any living, breathing animal
2) valentines day- pink and red and white hearts
3) 4th of july - red, white and blue
4)2 jars of halloween - one of traditional orange and black and one with green and purple
5) autumn mix - orange and yellow and red leaves
6) Christmas
7) Football season - little footballs and helmets - i even have cookie cutters to go with these
8) plain chocolate
9) red and green sanding sugar
10)two packs of cupcake papers - easter and christmas

The worst part?

I don't even bake cookies or cupcakes.

I just like the idea of baking.

And all the pretty colors.

I think I have a problem.

Anybody want them?

Ides of March

“Beware the Ides of March” - these were the words of the soothsayer to Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s immortal play ‘Julius Caesar’.

I wracked my brain to come up with other things of which to beware.

Sadly, the list is short:

Beware of the dog
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts
Caveat emptor or “let the buyer beware”
Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly they are ravening wolves" (Matthew 7:15).

What else should I beware?

just like that jen changes direction

Yesterday I met our neighbors. Rich and Joellen. We got their Rolling Stone in our mailbox by mistake. So I dropped it off on my way home from work. Let me tell you, I was hard-pressed not to read the magazine before I gave it to them. If there is one thing I hate, it is when someone else has read my new magazine or book before I have.

You know, this post was going to be all about meeting our neighbors, but the above phrase “if there is one thing I hate” has made me change tack.

If there is one thing I hate…..actually it is more than one thing. Let me just give you a list!!!

Currently I’m hating on:

1) The phrase “baby mama” or “baby daddy”
2) Miley Cyrus – bobble-headed dingbat
3) Fragrance free detergent – I like my clothes to smell nice, but this detergent was purchased whilst I was laid up and other people did my laundry so I really shouldn’t complain.
4) My new co-worker – she is giving me attitude.
5) The lunch truck – he parks waaaaaaay down at the end of the parking lot and I have to walk too far to get my Pepsi – which is SEVERELY over priced at $1.50. Doesn’t he know I’m crippled?!?!
6) The new Cheryl Crowe song - actually ALL Cheryl Crowe songs

Good Humor

Reasons why I’m in a good humor today:

1) My sister and kids came down from VT. Jody, my sister, is travelling out to Arizona to see her sister-in-law. The kids will be going out to stay with my parents in PA while she is gone but they stopped in NJ first.
2) I was awoken by a little voice saying “Aunt Jen, Uncle Tom says it is time to wake up!”
3) I’m wearing sparkly lip gloss. Even though I can’t see my lips, it makes me happy to know that they are sparkling
4) The snow has finally melted away in my backyard and my husband, on his day off, is out raking leaves. Jason and Phoebe are helping Uncle Tom by picking up branches. Verna is inside gorging on pizza flavored Goldfish.
5) Snoop Dogg’s “Sensual Seduction” I know…..don’t ask

Instant satisfaction

Foods I make from a box/can instead of scratch:

1) Kraft Mac & cheese
2) Stove Top stuffing
3) Gravy – pork, chicken, beef - usually from a can but I just recently found a powder mix that tastes just as good, plus it got a two thumbs up from himself
4) Potatoes – I love instant potatoes
5) Pepperidge Farms layer cakes – still slightly frozen; Sanna, Jess and I burrowed our way through a coconut one in no time flat when we were in high school
6) Iced-tea – always from a mix and store brand is better than Lipton
7) Minute rice or instant couscous– I cannot be bothered to take the time to steam rice
8) Jello instant pudding
9) Pancakes – Aunt Jemima mix - add water and stir
10) Icing from a can - I especially like to eat it straight from the can with my finger or spread it on graham crackers



and finally - I like any biscuit, roll or croissant that comes rolled up in a can. Mostly I just like to hear it pop open



What are YOUR instant satisfactions?

movies - round two

Here's another list of movies:




1) Hey Goose you big stud! That's me, honey. Take me to bed or lose me forever. Show me the way home, honey.


2) What, you want me to name someone? You want like a name? Oh, God, the pressure of a name... I got it. Cindafuckin'rella

3) Do you expect me to talk?

No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

4) I won’t be ignored, Dan.

5) To infinity and beyond.

6) Whose motorcycle is this? It's a chopper, baby. Whose chopper is this? It's Zed's. Who's Zed? Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

7) Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs...

8) You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!

9) What is your damage, Heather?

10) Stop hatin', start participatin'. Come on, twinkle twinkle, baby, twinkle twinkle.



The answers for last week:

1) Country Baby Homemade in Cleveland? Ummm. I don’t think so. - Baby Boom - Diane Keaton

2) Andrew, are you going to bring me my lemon or do I have to squeeze it from my hat? - Overboard - Goldie Hawn

3) Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather! - Working Girl - Joan Cusack

4) Pink is my signature color. - Steel Magnolias - Julia Roberts
5) Do I understand this correctly? I'm being marked down? I've been kidnapped by K-Mart! - Ruthless People - Bette Midler

6) Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son - Animal House - Dean Wermer

7) There's no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth! -Smokey and the Bandit - Jackie Gleason

8) Mongo only pawn... in game of life. - Blazing Saddles - Mongo

9) We're on a mission from God. Blues Brothers - Elwood

10) Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole! - Caddyshack - Bill Murray

lazy sunday

today i did the following:

1) stayed in my pj's all day
2) ate nothing but junk food
3) read a book
4) watched a movie -Key Largo
5) watched Jon & Kate Plus 8: Gosselins Go Skiing
6) ironed three shirts and two pairs of pants
7) paid bills
8) played Zuma; beat my husband's high score
9) contemplated cleaing the bathroom but decieded to save for another day
10) took a nap

all in all, a most productive day!!

Do not disturb

1) I have a headache that won’t go away
2) My back aches
3) My boobies are tender
4) Everything my husband does or says makes me insane
5) I ate a whole box of crunch&munch in 15 minutes flat

You guessed it….. it’s PMS.

Need I say more?

Now, beat it, all of you or suffer the wrath of Jen

Don't Be a Litter Bug

I actually had a nice list all planned out for today. But on the way home from work last night, I experienced something that simply cried out for a post. So here goes:

I was fourth in a crawling line of cars. The man who was leading this procession drove a green Cadillac. I was not impatient, since the turn to my road was in sight. Much to my chagrin however, the man in the slow moving Cadillac turn down my road, but I contained myself. Home was just a mile away.

As slow-moving Cadillac man continued to creep down Road To Jen’s House, I saw him do something so heinous I can barely write about it here. I saw him flip a plastic Big Gulp cup out the passenger side window.

Yes folks, he LITTERED!!!

I was incensed. So incensed that my hand, seemingly of its own volition, laid on the horn. This startled both me and the litter bug. He pulled over to let me pass, as he obviously thought that I was expressing my disgust at his slow pace.

As I whisked past him, I shook an admonishing finger at him, mouthing “You ought to be ashamed of yourself”, and I continued self-righteously down the road feeling as though I had done my good deed for the day.

I can’t/don’t litter. My mother raised me better than that. But I hadn’t realized how passionately I would react to seeing littering in action.

I was so very tempted to:

1) Take down that man’s license number
2) Call the police department and report him or
3) Follow him home and throw litter in his yard and see how HE likes it

Furthermore, I think that people who get caught littering should be put on a list. Like they do for pedophiles. And the police should send out notices when a litterer moves into a new neighborhood. And they should be shunned or forced to wear litter around their necks as a sign of their transgressions.


So what have we learned today? And what are your suggestions for punishing a litter bug?

Movie Madness

Today we will do a meme I found at Jen On the Edge.

An interactive meme

Below are the rules:
Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
Post them here for everyone to guess.
Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
NO googling or cheating by doing an online search. Share the fun and only guess one movie.

Remember: Winners never cheat and cheaters never win, unless you are the New England Patriots (ooooh, NJaney may never speak to me again!!)

1) Country Baby Homemade in Cleveland? Ummm. I don’t think so.
2) Andrew, are you going to bring me my lemon or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?
3) Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!
4) Pink is my signature color.
5) Do I understand this correctly? I'm being marked down? I've been kidnapped by K-Mart!
6) Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son
7) There's no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!
8) Mongo only pawn... in game of life.
9) We're on a mission from God.
10) Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!

These are very simple quotes from very simple movies.

A prize to the first person who can correctly identify the movie AND the actor/character for all ten.

Let the games begin!!

Making the band

The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college I landed a good paying job. It was at a state-run (Dept of Mental Health/Mental Retardation) institution for the mentally retarded. More commonly known as a State School.

I worked there along with my best-good friend Sanna and Jess (you all know Jess, she’s the one who keeps me in Oreos) and our other friend Molly. Sanna’s parents were high muckety-mucks there and were instrumental in helping us get the jobs.

After we were hired, we had to endure two weeks of intensive on-the-job-training. There we were, on our summer vacations, back in a classroom setting taking copious notes and being drilled on how to safely do a two-man lift, how to do proper chart documentation, how to change a diaper on an adult and more. These were serious issues involving people with disabilities. And it was impressed upon us most strongly that we needed to treat these patients, clients, individuals (the name changed yearly with the need to always be politically correct, being a state-run institution and all) with the utmost respect.

We managed to keep our act together and behave like semi-responsible adults until we got to the section on bowel movements and such. It became too much. Too graphic. There was one phrase that particularly got to us and sent our imaginations soaring.

Within a few minutes, Sanna and I had founded an imaginary band, decided on our stage names, had a snappy tag line and titles for the first six songs off our new CD.

Ladies and gentleman, may I present, LIVE!! TONIGHT ONLY!!!

“THE LIQUID MOVEMENTS”featuring “Sphinc” & “Flatch”

“They will cause you an urge to open and defecate”

1)Seemingly Endless State of Flux
2)Kiss The Bubble
3)The Narrow Realm
4)Woeful Shortcomings
5)Glacial Pace
6)Lustful Crust

We would have been HUGE internationally.

Finer points contributed by Sanna aka Sphinc

Ennui

This post was languishing in my draft pile from many moons ago, but it conveniently had a list so I resurrected it for your reading enjoyment:

You might as well know, I’m suffering from ennui.

No it’s not contagious.

It's a French word, pronounced ahn-wee.

I like to say it with a French accent.

According to dictionary.com it’s: a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom.

The direct cause of my ennui is a surfeit of blogs. I've gorged on too many blogs both good and bad.

The good blogs were full of light and joy and laughter.

The bad blogs were rife with misery and discontent.

It's these bad blogs that contributed to my ennui (are you saying it with the French accent?!?)

I decided to not read anymore of these types of blogs until the people lighten up.

So I'm only reading frothy, no real point to them, just for pure entertainment blogs.

And furthermore, please read my list of things that are totally pissing me off right now in regards to blogs:

1) People who use the word "hun". In the first place, shouldn't the word be "hon"? Short for honey?

2) People who offer "hugs". Don't hug me. I don't know you well enough to accept a hug

3) LOL - this, this, THING (I don't even know what to call it) is beyond annoying. I banned it's usage on my spaces blog and should enforce it on this one.

4) People who use stage directions i.e.: "leaving the room shaking her head". Please don't. Just don't.

5) The term blogosphere.

And I’m spent!

How cranky was I when I wrote this!?!?

The worst part?

Nothing has changed, these things STILL piss me off!!

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Sage Advice

I just gave my sister-in-law Jenny, (you all know her, she’s The Zach Attack’s mother) some unsolicited advice. I can’t resist giving people advice, especially when they don't ask for it.

The advice given was a sound bit of advice that my mother gave me years ago.

When someone asks or says something to you that is wildly inappropriate or simply none of their business you fix them with a beady eye and say “why ever would you say a thing like that”. In general, I have found that saying this usually stops a person in their tracks.

Other kernels of wisdom from my mother:

1) Make your head save your heels – meaning that when you are going up or downstairs to please take something with you. I heard this one a lot, since we lived in split-level house.
2) Don’t burp at the table – if you burp at the table at home, when you go out to eat you might forget yourself and burp in public.
3) If you wash your dishes by hand always dry them thoroughly before putting them away. She didn’t believe in air-drying dishes. First you wash and then dry with a linen dishtowel and then put away. Putting dishes away wet breeds bacteria. To this day, when I let dishes air dry on the counter I feel a little bit naughty. She also taught me to rinse out the dish cloth in boiling hot water so it doesn’t get sour
4) If you are behind on your dinner preparations, chuck some onions in the frying pan so when your husband comes in it smells like dinner is well on its way
5) When your husband comes home from a hard days work, don’t immediately bombard him with your troubles. Let him decompress. I let my husband pet the cat and watch Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon on ESPN’s PTI.

Now I know the last two bits of advice sound way too 1950’s for us modern women, but if doing these things avoid an argument then what is the harm?

go fish

I performed an experiment on a fish oil capsule Saturday night.

The capsule in question was fished (pun intended) out from under the jelly cabinet in the kitchen. It was covered in cat hair. At first I thought I would just rinse it off and take it. But then I had a brilliant thought "What would happen if I ran really hot water over it. Would it melt?"

1) Turns out it doesn't melt

2) But it does get very soft.

So then I thought, "How much pressure would it take to break it?"

What happens when you put too much pressure on a softened fish oil capsule.

3) It becomes not unlike a geyser and spews a great plume of fish oil straight up onto the ceiling.

4) And leaves behind the unmistakable aroma of fish.

Since I'm not quite able to clamber up onto the counter to reach the ceiling, I had to humbly ask my husband to do it for me and in the process admit my failed experiment. He was not impressed with my quest for knowledge.

Procrastination is my middle name.

Below is a to-do list I drafted months ago and just found the other day. This wasn’t even a truly ambitious list. Just a few things I wanted to get done before Christmas. Don’t forget that I felldownthestairsandbrokemylegin November which hindered me somewhat, but I’ve been ambulatory this past month and should have been able to get things accomplished. Let us discover exactly how many chores were completed.

1) Repot plant – still in pot, rapidly becoming root-bound
2) Drop off stuff at dry cleaners – still in pile waiting to be dropped off including good wool winter coat
3) Pack up at least three boxes to go to post office – I sent these boxes out but have three more
4) Put new rug in bathroom - done
5) Put up curtains in bathroom – still waiting to be ironed and hung
6) Put up curtains in bedroom - done
7) Take picture to framers – never made it to the framers
8) Take computer to repair shop – never happened using lap top instead
9) Get new mat for tub – still not done current mat is a breeding ground for mold and mildew
10) Hang pictures in upstairs hall – still waiting to be hung.


Check back with me in a month or so and we’ll see if I’ve made some headway on this list.

leap this

It’s Leap Day.

Supposedly, on Leap Day an unmarried woman can propose marriage.

While I would love to propose and marry each and every one of you, I am not Morman nor am I gay, so the best I can do is to propose that you have a lovely leap day.

REMINDER: Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be doing a list a day for the entire month of March and I welcome any and all suggestions for a list.

Wish me luck!

Petit Juror

Today my husband is doing his civic responsibility.

That’s right folks, he has jury duty.

I suggested that he make a list of movies with a courtroom scene to pass the time.

These are some of my favorites:

1) A Few Good Men
2) To Kill a Mockingbird
3) Kramer vs. Kramer
4) Liar, Liar
5) Runaway Jury
6) The Verdict
7) My Cousin Vinny
8) 12 Angry Men
9) Adam's Rib
10)The Accused

Give me some more.

Just Fine

I finally saw Knocked Up this weekend and it is official…I have a girl crush on Katherine Heigl.

Also, I have THIS to look forward to. Words fail me. But my imagination is working overtime.

Over the weekend, for the first time ever, I watched Poltergeist in its entirety. I sat on the couch and tightly gripped my sleeping husband’s hand the whole time. In an aside, I have a mini-crush on JoBeth Williams and in an aside to the aside, I don’t like scary movies or science fiction movies or time-travel movies but sat through this one because it is in my book of “1001 movies I must see before I die”

To celebrate Black History month, I picked up “Their Eyes Were Watching God” by Zora Neale Hurston. I barely finished the book. This is not by any means a review. I will just say that it is a book I read once and put in the donation bin. . My main gripe was that the majority of the book was written in the southern black vernacular. It made reading the book a bit of a chore. And quite frankly, if the book I’m reading is not entertaining me from the get go, it is a lost cause. I’m a philistine.

My current favorite song? So glad you asked. It is “Just Fine” by Mary J. Blige. I’m only a dumpy white girl but I feel like she is talking to me when she says:

Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do

Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new

Keep your head up high

In yourself, believe in you, believe in me

Having a really good time, I’m not complaining

And I’m a still wear a smile if it's raining

I got to enjoy myself regardless

I appreciate life,

I’m so glad that it's fine

news of note

Today is Tuesday.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is Tuesday.

Our office was closed yesterday in observance of President’s Day. Three day weekend baby!! So today feels like a Monday.

News items:

Time for a Zach Attack –

Please join me in wishing Zach’s Mom a good day today. This is her first day back to work after maternity leave and I’m sure she is missing her baby right about now. Trot on over and give her some love and support today!

I got an email on Thursday. NaBloPoMo is going monthly. This means that we’ll have twelve opportunities a year to jump-start our blogging by posting thirty or thirty-one days in a row. Starting March 1, we will have a different theme to blog on every month. It’s totally optional but I think I’m going to do it. I barely got started on NaBloPoMo in November before I felldownthestairsandbroemyleginthreeplaces. The topic for March is “Lists”. Thirty-one days of lists. I’m going to need some good ideas, so hit me!

Yesterday I walked right by a huge endcap of spring time Double stuff Oreos - 2 for $5.00 and didn’t pick up a single pack. I don’t know what is wrong with me!?!? I did however, pick up a box of Valentine’s Day candy at 75% off.

And finally, everyday I see a few more gray hairs and all I can do is sigh.

Jen, May I.......

Remember when I wrote about my orange mug?

And how possessive I was about it?

I suppose you all thought that was just an isolated incident?

But I’m here to tell you that it’s more than just the mug. It’s all things.

I just flat-out don’t like people to use my things, especially without asking permission first.

When I was in college and sharing an apartment with 5 other girls, this was a huge issue. I had a mug that had my name on it. Jennifer. One of my roommates insisted on using that mug even though her name was Rebecca. We must have had 20 other mugs but she preferred MY mug. This used to burn me up every time I saw her sipping her Nescafe coffee out of MY mug.

Or my boss, who thinks it is his sovereign right to rifle my desk drawers looking for wite-out or post-its. MY wite-out and MY post-its.

Or my sister-in-law (not Jenny, the other one) who comes to my house, makes herself at home by using MY computer without so much as a by-your-leave.

I fully realize that this is a failing.

But I have no interest in changing and if I am willing to live with it, then so should you.

So, internets, what have we learned today?

coming out of the dark

Hey you beautiful internet peoples!!

I’m back.

Back to work and back to blogging.

I’m a little cranky though.

So we are not going to discuss why I went dark.

Maybe someday when I’m in a better humor we can talk about it.

So let us do what Jen does best and just pretend it never happened.

Let us instead talk about important issues like:

1) The Dr. pronounced me fit to go back to work, so back to work I’ve gone. Everything has changed yet everything has remained the same. Does that make sense?

2) I spent the last week of downtime watching the final season of “The Gilmore Girls”. The DVD’s were a Christmas gift from SIL Jenny. I freely admit that I’m a HUGE Gilmore Girls fan and I was so sorry when they decided to end the show. I would totally move to Stars Hollow.

3) The Giants won the Super Bowl. We are NOT calling it an upset. They won fair and square. They simply outplayed the Patriots. Might I remind you that that nearly beat the Patriots during a regular season game?!

4) My Aunt Benita got married. Again. For the third time. No she’s not a black widow or anything. She’s just been unlucky in love. Here’s hoping third time is the charm!!

5) I got another box of orange. This time from my lovely blog friend Dana. Among other things she included Reese’s Peanutbutter Cup malted milk balls. They weren’t orange but the container they were in was a shade of orange. I had to hide the box from my husband who can sniff out any sweet at 30 paces.

So now I’m off to read and comment on your blogs.

going dark

I’ve got to go.

Just for a couple of days.

It’s nothing YOU'VE done or said, it’s me.

There are some things weighing heavily on my mind and until I can resolve them I’m going dark.
But I’ll be back, I promise (and will be checking emails all the while)

Until then, gaze in wonder and admiration upon the cuteness that is the Zach Attack.

guess what

Guess what??

G’head

Guess

Give up?

BIG news….

On Friday I went to the Dr. and he pronounced me “superb”. No really, he wrote it in the chart and everything. The result of being “superb”?? In two weeks I can go back to work!!! Woo-hoo. I miss work. So now I need to concentrate on negotiating the front steps. PLUS, I can start driving again. Which means that, because Tom has been driving my car these past weeks, I’ll have to adjust the seat, the mirrors and the radio station.

Guess what else?

This is not such big news (except for Tom who, if he plays his cards right, might just get lucky tonight) but…..I shaved my legs and trimmed my toenails today.

Oh, there’s one more thing….today is nephew Zach’s 3-months in the world mark. I got to meet Zach over Christmas. He was very well behaved. Didn’t spit up on me at all. You should have seen the nice gift haul the child made. Too bad he slept through the unwrapping.

The three months mark also means that Zach’s mother is gearing up to go back to work. We both had some nice time off, although hers was scheduled and mine was not.

the britney, she is everywhere

On Monday night, we went over to Tom’s grandparents to help celebrate Grandpa Bergman’s 88th birthday.

Dinner was a traditional spaghetti supper, followed by the obligatory ice cream cake.

Let me explain about the ice cream cake…..the beauty of an ice cream cake is that it combines ice cream and cake in one which pleases grandma as she is nothing if not an efficient woman. She generally purchases an ice cream cake from the local ice cream shop. It is usually chocolate with that dreadful frozen whipped cream frosting with neon red, yellow and blue icing decorations. This is the first of several ice cream cakes that will be served at Bergman functions this year.

I am not a fan of ice cream cake. I prefer a nice chunk of moist, homemade chocolate cake that is cheek- by -jowl with a slowly melting scoop of vanilla ice cream.

After dinner, while we waited for Aunt Jane and Gma to tidy up, the rest of us retired to the living room in anticipation of the gift opening.

Grandpa had control of the remote and in the customary Bergman fashion, was idly flipping through the channels looking for either a classic John Wayne western or a sports program.

Inexplicably, Grandpa stopped on “Inside Edition” where, naturally, the news was all about Britney.

This sparked a level of interest I have only witnessed heretofore (at least in this living room) for Yankee games.

The conversation soon devolved into a round robin on Britney’s hair and how it could have grown so long, so quickly since she shaved her head. You know, really important questions. At this point, the Bergman men were given a very brief tutorial on the world of hair extensions.

Shortly thereafter Gma came in and the TV was turned off. Which was good, because I was truly anticipating Gma to start talking about how Britney was caught on camera with her hoo-ha showing. And I imagined further how this observation would inevitably lead to the question hotly debated at so many 88th birthday celebrations.

Does Brit-Brit shave or wax for her bare down there look?

i resolve

I could take all day to reflect on things that happened in 2007 but it basically boils down to this: In addition to dealing with the MS (which obviously is here to stay), I endured my house being overrun with various varmints, both dead and alive, I survived several reptile/amphibian invasions, and I fell down and broke my leg. And that my friends, sums up the year that was.

Resolutions for the New Year:

I resolve to drink more water

I resolve to take my vitamins

I resolve to stop checking Perezhilton.com every hour

I resolve to read more books and watch less TV

I resolve to write more letters

I resolve to eat my vegetables

I resolve to wear earrings every day

I resolve to not fall down and break any more bones

I resolve to be more loving to my long-suffering husband

I resolve to cut my Oreo consumption by at least half

I resolve to not to be such a snarky, sarcastic bitch (which could be detrimental to the overall tone of my blog)

Now I’m off to see what the rest of the world has resolved.

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve.



And how do we know it is Christmas Eve?



Because TBS is running "A Christmas Story" for 24 hours.

Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.

Mother: He does not!

Mr. Parker: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!

Merry Christmas!!

boxes of love

It’s Friday and time for an update.

Last Friday I went back to the Dr. and he gave me the go-ahead to start putting weight on my leg. I’m walking on the leg now and let me just tell you….it is PAINFUL. It’s the most pain I’ve felt since I broke the leg. But every day it’s getting better. I’m still using the walker. Mostly for balance. I’m becoming resigned to the fact that there is a distinct possibility that the walker will figure more prominently in my life from now on.

The commercial that I don’t mind watching over and over again? Charlize Theron selling me J’Adore by Dior.

Also, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’ve been watching the FaLaLaLaLifetime Christmas movies. They are like Harlequin romances condensed into 2 hours.

There is nothing like receiving a box in the mail. Last week I received a record number of boxes. On Tuesday alone I got 4 boxes. I thought they were deliveries of Christmas gifts that I ordered online, but they were ALL for me.

1) Amazon.com – the movie Stardust from my friend Jess – who is seriously spoiling me!!

2) A Wolfermans gift box from one of my fellow co-workers – crumpets and scones and English muffins

3) A selection of Partylite candles from my friend Danita – who I’ve known since we were 4. Danita is my hero because not only does she have MS but she’s also a new mother. I don’t know how she does it all.

4) All the way from Kentucky I got two ornaments and a bag of circus peanuts from Melody. Melody has officially become one of my best good friends simply because of the circus peanuts!!

Melody says the girl looks like me and the ballet shoes are because I’m so “graceful” and the peanuts because my house must be a circus right now. It’s like she has known me for years!!

The next day I got a box from another blog friend Ami, who sent me a little gift bag of passion fruit shower gel, soap and lip gloss.

These boxes joined the box of wrapped Christmas gifts from Sanna.

But the box that wins the prize for inventiveness and color is from Aunt Benita. She sent me a box of orange. Please see below photo.

In this box I found an orange towel and washcloth, an orange scrubbie, an orange razor (Aunt Benita knows I'll need to shave my legs soon), orange pencil, pen and highlighter, orange cups with Santa on them, Tahitian vanilla and orchid body wash, orange fingernail polish (for my toes), Tang mix to go in the orange cups, and other small orange things that all fit nicely into a rubbermaid tote with an orange lid.

I think this officially makes Aunt Benita my favorite aunt of all time.

I thank all of you, dear friends and family. You make me feel truly blessed.

And now, before I get all mushy, here’s a Zach Attack.

The next Zach Attack photo will be taken personally by Aunt Jen. Zach and his family will be coming to NJ after Christmas and we are so looking forward to meeting him.

Bullet Friday

1) Because I'm housebound I don't have a whole lot of interesting news to report, other than I'm watching too much TV. I'm thoroughly sick of Christmas commericials, especially the Macy's commerical with Martha Stewart saying "Jessica.....darling" and a petulant Donald Trump.


2) I did find this new game and I've been playing for days. I know I should be doing it for all the poor, starving children in the world, but mostly I'm doing it because I'm trying to get to 50.



I'm at 45 right now. What's your score? I should warn you that it's all vocab words.
3) In other news, I'm doing Christmas cards. If you would like me to send you a card, email me your address at nejyerf@hotmail.com and I'll shoot one out to you. I've got nothing better to do.

4) I'm going to the Dr. today and hopefully he'll tell me that I can start putting weight on myleg. And then hopefully he'll take the cast thingy off and I can take a proper shower and shave my legs. I'm also thinking that once I'm more mobile I'm going to treat myself to a pedicure.

5) Here's the next installment of Zach Attack with Zachary showing some skin....his mother tells me that when she says "Hi" to him he mimics her. We agree that he is a gifted child.

dribs and drabs

I’ve been home for a week now and quite frankly, I’m getting tired of the invalid lifestyle.

I’m ready to get back out into the real world.

Two more thank you’s….one to Jess, (who is fast becoming my oreo dealer) and to sanna who sent me this……

She picked up this lovely orange tray when she was in Italy this summer. I'm blessed with good friends.

In other news, I spend a lot of time sitting at my kitchen table looking out the big bay window. Yesterday, a huge blue jay flew smack into the window. He looked rather dazed but gamely picked himself up and flew away.

You see....this is what I'm reduced to..... a sad little story about a blue jay. I've got nothing exciting going on in my life. Unless you count the fact that I finally had the time to watch the second season of "Remington Steele" on DVD. I don't mind admitting that I am a HUGE fan of the show. And yesterday, I watched the Law & Order: SVU marathon. I thought of my sister-in-law who is home on maternity leave and watches L&O religiously.

And that reminds me....it's time for a Zach Attack. This week there were so many pictures to choose from that I'm going to post two for your viewing pleasure.