baby got back

There was a time when I was in high school that I was obsessed with my ass.

 

I was sure that it was too big.

 

I wore long sweaters and big shirts to disguise it. 

 

Every day in the cafeteria I took the long way round a table of upperclassmen boys because I was sure that Corey Hoffman  would be staring at my ginormous rear-end and could never ever love me!!!

 

Over time, my obsession faded away and I never really worried about my body again. 

 

But this morning prior to getting dressed, I was looking at myself in all my naked splendor in the mirror and it suddenly occurred to me that my 9th grade self would be positively mortified and quite possibly incapacitated if she could see the sheer size and magnitude of her ass now!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Notes

Weather - It was pouring down rain here in NJ this morning.  The sky turned as dark as night and the heavens opened up.  For a while it was like our own mini-hurricane.  As luck would have it, I left the living room windows wide open.

 

Appearance - I have a pimple on my forehead. It looks like I have been shot right between the eyes. As such, I'm wearing my hair very low over the forehead today.

 

Sports - So far football has been awesome - sidenote to Tom Brady and Peyton Manning:  practice makes perfect.

 

TV: 30 Rock and The Office are coming back. WOO-HOO!

 

Books - I'm re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series. They just never get old.

 

Movies - I just saw Waitress over the weekend.  Keri Russell totally surprised me.  She is actually quite funny.

 

Food - The season of candy corn is rapidly approaching AND my blog-friend Cory has promised me a delicacy. Chocolate covered popcorn.   

 

Clothes - Time to put away the summer wardrobe and bring out the fall.  I need some new clothes.  Maybe something in burnt orange for fall?

 

Husband - Nothing bad to report here. I'm quite liking him at the momemnt. 

 

Health - The MS is held in abeyance and I haven't fallen down in months (knock on wood)

 

Wealth - Got a 5% cost of living pay raise

 

Happiness - As always I am happy but yet never too far from a moment of unhappiness. 

 

How about you, my lovely little blog friends?  Any notes you want to share with the class?

 

 

 

 

 

 

blue no more

Because I was feeling blue and in need of a friend, I called Ginger last Thursday and asked her if she would come out and spend Labor Day weekend with me. 

 

And she did.

 

We sat around and gossiped and argued and laughed and reminisced and were generally silly creatures all weekend.

 

It was good.

 

By the time she left on Monday I was no longer blue.

 

In other news, I have finally slogged my way through the last of the blogs in my blog reader. I kinda took some time off from the whole commenting thing.  Hey, it was summer and I needed a vacay!!

 

So to all of my lovely blog friends.... fear not, I will be returning to form and resuming commenting. 

 

Further news.... I am finally reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.   

 

As a matter of fact, I think for the month of September (which for me is murder mystery month) I am also going to re-read some books from my childhood.

 

What are you going to read this month?

 

 

 

 

waxing philosophical

I've been thinking about this for days.....friendships are very much like trying to parallel park.

When parallel parking it may take several false starts to get into the space just right. Sometimes you get too close to the car in front of you or you back up into the car behind you or it turns out that no matter how you try, your car just doesn't fit into the space at all and you have to go down to the next street to find an empty space.

The same with friends....

Sometimes you get too close and allow too much information to pass between you so that things get uncomfortably intimate.

Sometimes one friend isn't afraid to say what he or she thinks and manages with a sharp tongue to back all over the other person. Feelings are left crumpled, not unlike front headlights.

In my experience, when either of these things happen, I take a moment and examine the friendship to see if it is worth keeping.

Sometimes, it is I who have done the backing over the feelings and it is I who need to make the necessary repairs to keep the friendship running.

It always saddens me when I come to the realization that the friendship is just never going to work. And that probably I should keep it very superficial.

Sometimes we get lucky and find friendships that are easy-going and that can withstand both the getting too close and the backing over. These friendships are like parking in a grassy field. No lines to stay between, no worrying about jumping the curb, just drive in and park. I am lucky that I have two such best, good friends in Sanna and Ginger.

So it is nothing but love for Sanna and Ginger today!

cleanliness is next to godliness

As we speak, a team of highly organized, professional cleaning peoples are hard at work cleaning up 4 months worth of filth in my house.

 

That's right, I pay people to clean my house.

 

They do it in under an hour, while I am at work.  So when I come home today, I'm going to find a sparkling clean house.

 

Luxury.....sheer luxury

 

As a special treat to myself, I've also asked them to please clean out the refrigerator. So all I will have to do is throw out the moldy leftovers!

 

And tomorrow?

 

The carpet cleaners are coming!!

 

 

 

 

Dull

Folks....I have lost my edge.

 

Just last weekend, I was made the butt of a joke that I did not find in the least bit humorous.

 

The person who made the joke/comment however, thought that she was simply hilarious and cackled to herself while I sat in abject embarrassment, mute,  unable to form an appropriate comeback.

 

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can usually hold my own in a verbal sparring match.

 

Two days later, I'm STILL trying to come up with a smart retort.

 

I've got nothing.

 

What is the wait time for a good comeback/smackdown?

 

I'm thinking a week is too long.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

clarification

I should clarify my earlier post....when I say "big" I don't mean fat, I mean muscular. 

 

Any one of these girls could snap the likes of Nicole Kidman or Paris Hilton like a twig.

 

And that is what I love about them.

 

 

 

 

Olympics

How twisted is it that because I am so used to looking at wafer-thin models and actresses and other quasi-celebrity types that when I am watching the Olympics and seeing normal, healthy-looking women athletes doing what they've trained for years to do, in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Boy, is she a big girl"?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you know what I hate....

You know what I hate….

I hate the euphemism “va-jay-jay”. I prefer “hoo-hah”

I hate that Christina Applegate had to have a double mastectomy. At 36 years of age

I hate that no matter how many times I start to read “House of Seven Gables” I put it aside in favor of any other book or the latest Collections Etc. catalog

I hate that I have no real desire to exercise. Not even lifting little hand weights in my chair like I did when I was in rehab.

I hate that my love for Oreos has waned and I hate that I have no explanation for this strange turn of events.

You know what I love……

I love Meryl Streep in all her guises and accents ( I just saw Sophies Choice for the first time)

I love the smell of freshly cut onion grass

I love my brand-new 500ct plum colored sheets that are waiting to be put on the bed.

I love that I have something deliciously wonderful to look forward to for next week.

I love this conversation that my mother had with my little 5 yr old niece Phoebe when Phoebe called to tell Grandma that she lost her first tooth:
‘She also told me Daddy took them to the fair. She said she got lost. When I asked her what she did, she replied,
"I walked back and forth and whimpered a little bit."’


I totally felt Phoebe's pain. Any time I ever get lost be it at a fair or a department store or a huge parking lot or even driving in my car I do the same thing. Especially the whimpering.

What are you loving or hating at the moment?

Guilty Pleasure

I am currently indulging in one of my favorite guilty pleasures.

 

The romance novel.

 

That's right. I admit it.  I read romance novels.

 

I have dedicated the month of August to rereading some of my favorite romance authors.  Jude Deveraux, Kathleen E. Woodiwiss, Jayne Ann Krentz, Julie Garwood, etc. 

 

Nothing that is a strain on the brain.

 

While the rest of you read your fancy, mind-improving, New York Times bestsellers, it will be nothing but heaving bosoms and thrusting loins for me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Operation

When we went out for our anniversary dinner, we went to TGIF. We went there because we had a $50.00 gift certificate. Of all the similar chain restaurants, TGIF is my least favorite. I like Ruby Tuesdays. Especially the mini-hamburgers.

TGIF has, for lack of a better word, crap all over the walls. It looks like a garage sale. One of the things that was pasted up on the wall near our booth was the game Operation. Remember that game? You had to use a tweezers to pick out the pieces and not hit the sides or the game will emit a buzzing sound and the nose will flash red and you will have lost your turn.

Tom and I were reminisincing about the game. I noted that there was a new addition to the ailments, brain freeze. I didn't remember that from my childhood game. Tom told me that he used to play Operation with his sister and cheat. Cheating at board games is a tradition for the Bergmans.

But it got me thinking about board games.....I have to say that Candyland is probably my all time favorite board game. Followed by a rousing game of Parcheesi or Trivial Pursuit.

What do you play?

State Songs

It all started with OOOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain. I couldn’t get that song out of my head. And it got me to thinking about other songs that might have a state name in its title.

After doing some serious research on Itunes, I came up with the below list.

Wisconsin was a bugger as was Washington. Iowa would have been tough but for “The Music Man!” Kentucky, Tennessee and California were very popular and all the songs referencing New York were for NYC. But overall I think I’ve got a pretty comprehensive list of songs.

And yes, I do realize that this was a great time waster, but it is summer and the boss is on vacation!!

What songs would you have chosen?

Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynrd

North To Alaska – Johnny Horton

Arizona – Paul Revere & The Raiders

Mary Queen of Arkansas – Bruce Springsteen

Hotel California – Eagles

I Guess He’d Rather Be in Colorado – John Denver

Connecticut – Bing Crosby and Judy Garland

Delaware – Perry Como

Mainline Florida – Eric Clapton

The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia –Vicki Lawrence

Blue Hawaii – Elvis Presley

Idaho – Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Illinois – The Everly Brothers

Up In Indiana – Lyle Lovett

Iowa Stubborn– The Music Man (musical)

You’re Not In Kansas Anymore – JoDee Williams

Blue Moon of Kentucky – Patsy Cline

Leaving Louisiana In The Broad Daylight – The Oak Ridge Boys

Maine – No Strings (musical)

Maryland – Vonda Shepard

Massachusetts – The Bee Gees

Especially In Michigan – Red Hot Chili Peppers

My Minnesota Home – Garrison Keillor

Mississippi Half-Step Uptown Toodleloo – The Grateful Dead

Wish We Were Back in Missouri – Emmy Lou Harris

Wild Montana Skies – John Denver

Nebraska – Bruce Springsteen

Stop In Nevada – Billy Joel

New Hampshire – Sonic Youth

Never Going Back to New Jersey – Less Than Jake –

New Mexico – Johnny Cash

Leaving New York - REM

Just A Little Bit South of North Carolina – Dean Martin

North Dakota – Lyle Lovett

Ohio – Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Does the Wind Still Blow in Oklahoma?– Reba McEntire

Oregon Trail – Woody Guthrie

Pennsylvania Polka – Frankie Yankovic

Sweet Rhode Island Red – Ike and Tina Turner

South Carolina – The Outlaws

South Dakota Morning – The Bee Gees

My Tennessee Mountain Home – Dolly Parton

Somewhere Down in Texas – George Strait

Utah Carol – Marty Robbins

Moonlight In Vermont – Willie Nelson

Virginia Moon – Foo Fighters

Washington – Nicholas Tremulis Orchestra

Leaving West Virginia – Kathy Mattea

Under Wisconsin – The Kissers

Song of Wyoming – John Denver

Of Mice and Jen

I have been waging a war for months. 

 

My enemy?

 

The furry, furtive little creature known as the mouse.

 

They have established a command post next to the dishwasher.

 

The make midnight sorties into the utensil drawer and gnaw on my pastry brush. 

 

They infiltrate the pots and pans cupboard, leaving a trail of mouse turds in their wake.

 

Our cats have proven useless at capturing the mice.

 

We have laid out glue-traps, but the cunning creatures evade them.

 

We have  plugged in devices that emit a high-pitched frequency that is supposed to deter rodents, but they just put in ear protectors and keep coming.

 

My sister suggested that Tom pee all around the foundation of the house.  Oddly enough, the man who likes to pee outside whenever he gets the chance declined.

 

Instead he purchased something called "Mouse Magic", a potent mixture of spearmint and peppermint oils that is supposed to repel rodents via a more organic, humane way. 

 

But to no avail.

 

Just the other day, I pulled out a pot, and filled it up with water to boil some pasta.  Imagine my dismay to find, as I was draining off the water, little black flecks of mouse droppings adhering to the pasta.

 

We have set the standard issue, spring loaded mouse trap with peanut butter.  But they send in their bomb disposal unit to remove the peanut butter without setting off the trap. 

 

I believe we are dealing with a Rats of NIMH situation here.

 

We may have to abandon the house.

 

Or get a black snake to patrol the premises.

 

Any suggestions will be taken under advisement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't get too close

 

I'm sick.

 

I have a summer cold.  And no, it is not allergies.  It is merely a cold

 

Summer colds suck.

 

I feel like I'm underwater and my ears keep popping. 

 

I have a tight cough that won't quit.  But as the day progresses it is starting to loosen up ..so you know what that means....next I'll be horking up great gobs of phlegm. 

 

Don't you just wish you were working in the cubicle next to mine?!?

 

Luckily I haven't lost my sense of taste yet. 

 

 

 

 

Boycott

For quite some time I have been waging a private boycott against Tom Cruise.  Do I really need to go into specifics as to why I'm boycotting ol' Tommy boy?

 

The final straw was NOT the couch-jumping on Oprah nor the infamous unprovoked attacked on Brooke Shields. What put me over the edge was the interview I saw him do on "Inside the Actors Studio" with James Lipton.  He was so full of himself, talking about the "craft" of acting.  It was too much to bear.  So I quit him, cold turkey.  Which I admit was hard at first, but then he started coming out with stinker after stinker of a movie and I felt justified.

 

The only times I lift my boycott is to watch either Top Gun or Jerry Maguire.  Jerry Maguire was the last movie  Tom did in which it seemed as though he was truly enjoying himself.

 

Oh and Risky Business. 

 

Because who doesn't like to see a youthful Tom in Ray Bans and underpants?

 

 

 

 

 

 

July 30 1994

Today is our wedding anniversary.

 

Today is the day that I haul out my wedding dress and put it on even though I can't zip it up. 

 

Today is the day that I put on my wedding veil and headband because at least that still fits.

 

Today is the day that we take stock of married life and decide whether or not to go on for another year.

 

Fourteen years ago today, it seemed as though the world had stopped for everything but Tom and Jen getting married at 2pm.

 

Today however,  is the day that the garbage still needs to be put out, the dehumidifer still needs to be emptied, the litter box still needs to be cleaned, laundry still needs to be done, we still need to go to work. 

 

We will keep the celebration to a minimum.  A nice dinner out most likely.  Or if Tom is too tired from working in the sun all day, maybe some takeout.

 

How do you celebrate your anniversary? 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm dis-APPOINTED

The above is a line from one of my all-time favorite movies "A Fish Called Wanda".  And if you don't like "A Fish Called Wanda", I'm sorry but we can no longer be friends. 

 

The reason why I'm disappointed??

 

I missed the Golden Girls marathon.  How did I miss the Golden Girls marathon you ask?

 

Turns out it was on FRIDAY not Saturday. 

 

D'oh!

 

Instead I dedicated myself to the task of cleaning out my linen cupboard.  I cannot believe the number of tablecloths I have purchased over the years and used maybe once or twice.  Anybody in need of tablecloths that would fit a rectangular table that seats six?!?

 

I did find a marathon on Sunday.  The Next Food Network Star. I was a little disappointed in the winner.  But the challenges were fun and the judges were very fair throughout the competition. Giving good, constructive criticisms.

 

This reminds me of when I was a little girl and I used to play that I was Julia Child.  I would set up my play kitchen and pretend that I was making a meal in front of an audience. I loved Julia.  She was oh so friendly with her food.  Alternately rubbing and then smacking her chicken or roast beef to make her point.

 

 

Will you think less of me?

I'm going to post this on a Saturday afternoon and hope that no one will read it because......I really want to see Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants II.

Friday Thoughts

1) I've only just realized that I never ever use the right shift key.  The "shift" on the left shift key is slowly being worn off.

2) I'm wearing a shirt that has some spandex in it and it is moulded to my fat rolls and making me mildly uncomfortable with its snugness

3) Did I tell you that I saw Mama Mia last weekend with my best good friend Ginger?  Meryl Streep was awesomeness personified.  I do think however, that they should have put a warning label on that both watching and listening to Pierce Brosnan sing was going to be painful.  But I thought that he owned his awful singing.

4) I think Canadians must be the single-most politest people on the planet.  Every time I email my Canadian customer a price quote or a document he requested, he always responds with a thank you and a much appreciated.  

5) I prefer to sign my business letters with a black pen as compared to a blue.  Which do you like?

Picture it, Saturday afternoon....Golden Girls Marathon

Yet another marathon weekend.


This one is only from 12-5. So I'll have plenty of time to get weekend chores done both before and after.

the criminal mind......

This article made my day....especially the last sentence "alcohol was involved"

Ya THINK?!?!?!

Marriage....not all it is cracked up to be

I am indignant. 

 

Let me tell you why:

 

I went out of town over the weekend.  While I was gone, Tom's sister came over to spend the weekend with him.  They were going to see Batman and then Tom was going to take her to buy a vacuum for her new apartment. 

 

It was wicked hot in NJ this weekend, so Tom put in the air conditioners, one downstairs in the living room and one upstairs in our bedroom. 

 

Before I left, I tidied up the guest room, removed the piles of clean laundry from the guest bed and reminded Tom that since we don't have AC in the guest room he should bring up a fan for his sister. 

 

Last night, after I got home and before I went upstairs to got to bed, I watched a bit of the ESPY's with Tom. During commercials we talked about our respective days. 

 

It was then that he casually dropped a bombshell.

 

He told me that he let his sister sleep in our bed Saturday night, while he took the couch. 

 

I was dumbfounded. 

 

Firstly because I was sure that he didn't think to change the sheets and secondly that he would allow ANYBODY to sleep in OUR bed ESPECIALLY since I wasn't home.

 

And more to the point, you would think his sister, at 23 years of age, would have the delicacy of mind to thank him for the offer but refuse because 1) there weren't clean sheets on the bed and 2) that is the bed that her brother shares with his wife.

 

So after driving four hours in a rainstorm and just wanting to crawl into bed and go to sleep, I had to change the sheets because there was no way I was going to sleep in a bed with used sheets and a pillow on which she put her sweaty, greasy head!  My pillow.  MY PILLOW!!!!  I don't even like to share my orange mug with my own husband, much less my pillow with his sister.

 

Needless to say, Tom got an earful and chose to spend the night on the couch!

 

I will say this about him though, he gets points for being generous and thoughtful of his sister's comfort.

 

Now tell me truthfully, did I overreact when I went stomping upstairs, hollering loud enough for the neighbors to hear that he had NO RIGHT TO LET HER SLEEP IN OUR BED AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A GUEST ROOM AND ME MAKING UP THE BED IF HE IS GOING TO LET HER SLEEP IN OUR BED AND NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE THE SHEETS?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

!!!!!!!!

This is why I prefer the laundromat.

Mere words are insufficient to describe the fear and fascination I felt when I read this story.

Office Protocol

Is it bad form to clip one's fingernails in the office?  In the privacy of one's own cubicle space? 

 

Tell me now, before I start clipping!!

that's what friends are for

My best good friend Sanna and my other best good friend Ginger share the same birthday, July 21. I've been debating about going out to PA this coming weekend to visit with them.  Maybe take each of them out to lunch or something.  

 

But last night I had a dream that seriously changed all that.

 

In my dream, Sanna had specifically asked me to go out to PA for a big birthday bash she was throwing for herself.  But when I got there, she was too busy to talk to me. She was holding court in bed with two guys from high school.  Colin and Steve.  It was not unlike the time John Lennon and Yoko Ono granted interviews from their bed.  She completely ignored me and I was relegated to entertaining a bunch of little kids.  I tried to get her attention, but she was too wrapped up in herself and the party to even acknowledge that I had made an effort to be there for her.  She made me so mad.  I woke up this morning wanting to slap her silly and thinking to myself, "If she thinks she is getting a gift from me this year, she is sadly mistaken!!"

 

Ginger, on the other hand, can still count on a free birthday lunch!!

 

In other news, I like A&E for three reasons:  Intervention, Gene Simmons Family Jewels and now The Cleaner (starring Benjamin Bratt). I was going to watch it last night and I completely forgot. I'm sure I'll see it in reruns in the coming days, but did anybody see it last night?  I'm quite keen on Benjamin Bratt. Law & Order lost some of its appeal for me when he was written off.   

search this....

At some point in most every bloggers posting life, there comes a time when he or she posts a list of things people are searching for when they come to their site.

 

I have resisted doing this.  But now I need your help.

 

Every week I'm getting more and more hits for people looking for "giant snake killers".

 

Tell me please, what is going on out there in cyber space.  Is this the name of a new movie?  Book? Rock band? Underground sex club? 

 

People must be so disappointed to discover my sad little story about the snake that I so ruthlessly killed.

 

Speaking of snakes...two things....

 

1) when my dad was ripping out the old front porch prior to building the new one, I overheard him saying excitedly "There's one. And another one. And another one!. There must be 20 of them!" 

 

I knew without even looking that he was talking about snakes.  Turns out there was a nest of them living under the porch.  Granted, these snake never get more than 6", but still!!!!

 

2) There was also a regular sized garter snake that made a quick escape from the demolition and took up residence in a new location. This snake likes to come out in the morning and sun himself in the weeds next to the steps.  When I come down the walk in the morning, I make enough of a disturbance to alert him that a human is coming and by the time I hit the steps, the only evidence of him is a slight rustling of the weeds as he very courteously disappears from view. He seems just as afraid of me as I am of him. Since he is so shy, I declared a moratorium on the snake killing. But I can't begin to tell you how my heart pounds as I pass by him everyday.  But this is a good exercise for me to help to conquer my fear of snakes.  I have also instructed Tom to please keep the weeds by the steps well trimmed as I don't want to encourage any of his snake friends to come around for a visit.

 

And before I forget there are two words/phrases that people search for quite a bit:  "panthyhouse" and "itchy balls".

 

I mispelled pantyhose one time and it has haunted me ever since.

 

As for "itchy balls" .....that is self-explanatory

Nuts to you

I'm quite fond of nuts.  Ever see "Best In Show?"  No? 

 

Here's a sampling for you that illustrates my post for today:

 

Harlan Pepper: "I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, "Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts," and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that's what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she'd just start yelling. I'd say, "Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut." That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She'd say, "Would you stop naming nuts!" And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn't talk, but he'd go "rrrawr rrawr" and that sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it's also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut.

 

Today I'm enjoying peanuts by the handful.

 

Planters Peanuts

 

Planters Kettle Roasted Peanuts

 

They are salty and extra-crunchy.

 

In case you didn't know, peanuts are not actually a nut. 

 

This reminds me of an anecdote that will mean absolutely nothing to anybody who didn't go to my high school and who didn't have Mr. Kline for Environmental Ag.  Which is pretty much all of you.

 

Let me preface this story by saying that when I was in college, my roommates used to call me Rose Nyland because of penchant for telling pointless stories such as this: 

 

When you grow up in a farming community the schools have Agriculture or Ag classes. Environmental Ag was a required class in 7th or 8th grade. I wish I could tell you what, if anything, I learned in that class other than the peanut is not a nut.  It is a legume.  And how I remember this is because whenever Mr. Kline would say "legume", he would kind of say it out of the corner of his mouth and draw it out....."leeguuuume" and jut out his lower lip while saying it.  

 

The End

 

Now tell me, what have we learned today?

 

 

Holiday Recap

In case you are at all interested.....the boss surprised us on Thursday by closing the office at 3pm.  I was so busy planning out my day of procrastination that the few things I really needed to get done weren't done, so I ended up not leaving until 3:30.  Wasn't that a bite in the ass?!?

 

It was reasonable weather here in NJ.  A little damp and muggy. But not that bone-crushing, spirit-sapping heat that usually accompanies July 4th.

 

Tom and I also celebrated the 4th by having some fireworks ourselves, when we had an unhappy contretemps over why I am so bone idle that I can't take the garbage to the curb once in a while. I shed some tears and made a heartfelt albeit completely empty promise to try and be more helpful in the garbage removal area and things continued in a happier vein.

 

In honor of July 4th, we watched a PBS documentary called "The Revolution".  I was amazed at how much I didn't know about our country's fight for independence.  Which proves two points: 1) I didn't  pay attention in American History class  2) Mr. Brennar was a suck-ass history teacher.

 

Another marathon weekend. This time it was  Law & Order: SVU.  So I spent an enjoyable afternoon watching Benson and Stabler and Munch and Finn and Capt. Cragen fight crime.  There is not nearly enough of Stabler with his shirt off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quiz in honor of July 4th

I took this quiz and would have done better had I been able to spell Louisiana correctly on the first 4 trys!!

How fast are you?

In 3m 28s

Click here to Play

For your information

Just because I'm at work today doesn't mean that I'm actually going to be productive.

 

I'm just going to sit in my little cubicle and make it sound as though I'm typing up a storm, when I'm really posting to my blog, via email, (mustn't surf the web you know!!!!)

 

Then I'm going to get up for a glass of water from the water cooler frequently. Which will also enable me to make periodic trips to the bathroom

 

Then I'm going to go out to the warehouse to get a box to send a sample.  Then I'll tape it up.  And let it sit conspicuously on my desk to let everyone know that I'm sending out a sample.  We'll see if it actually goes out.

 

Then I'm going to check my personal email a dozen times.  So if you have my personal email address feel free to email me.  I respond, and it will sound like I'm doing more work.

 

Then I'm going to get up to make a copy.

 

Then I'm going to go file something. Just one thing.

 

Then I'm going to get the lunch menus and ask everyone if they want to order out.  Then I'll place the order.  Then I'll eat lunch.

 

Then I'm going to sit at my desk and shuffle papers loudly and officiously. 

 

Then I'm going to staple. Only one piece of paper to itself. Over and over again. But it will sound busy.

 

Then I'm going to make a few phone calls to people I know aren't in today and leave voice mails so that it sounds like I'm on the phone.

 

Then I'm going to water the plants. .

 

Then I'll shred some paper. One piece of paper at a time.

 

I would IM with Sanna and my SIL but they are apparently off today, lucky bastards.

 

Anything else I can do to waste time? It's almost noon. I've got 5 more hours to kill. All suggestions will be taken under advisement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer equation

Short skirts = bare legs = bare feet =sandals/flip-flops=people's FUGLY feet

On a personal note, since the beginning of May I have worn a different outfit to work every day.

Seriously.

I have too many clothes.

But I wear the same pair of sneakers every day.

So it evens out, right?

I did a marathon on Sunday

The month of music finally is at an end.

 

And wouldn't you know, as I was looking for the Phil Collins song yesterday, I came across Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight".

 

I was surprised how many songs I found that had house or home in them.  I thought I had a nice cross-section of genres, from rock to pop to country to gospel. Any obvious choices I missed?

 

The next topic for NaBloPoMo is food. I'm going to pass on this one.  I've got a month's worth of very important bits of nothingness that are simply crying out to be shared. Like this.....on Sunday morning I awoke with resolve in my heart to DO THINGS.  I was going to go to the carwash.  My car looked like a Jackson Pollack painting with all the bird poop on it.  Then I was going to get some groceries followed by a flying trip to the library to pick up my books that have been on hold for nearly a week.  

 

Notice how everything is in the past tense? 

 

I got sucked into a Jon and Kate plus 8 marathon on TLC.

 

Nothing got done.

 

Not a blessed thing.

 

Wait, I take that back. 

 

In between commercials I did manage to put up a new shower curtain. 

 

Out of curiosity, what marathon will you drop everything to watch all day/weekend long?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take Me Home - Phil Collins

you'll be happy to know that today is June 30th and as such, comes the end of my month of songs/videos with home in the title.

starting tomorrow, we will go back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting

In the meantime......take us home Phil!!

A House Is Not Home - Luther Vandross and Dionne Warwick

Only one day left!!!!

Letters From Home - John Michael Montgomery

For the country music lovers out there:

I Will Take You Home - Brent Mydland Grateful Dead

I can't end this month of music without a nod to the Dead!

Daddy's Home - Shep and the Limelites

An oldie but a goodie.... rat-a-tat

Ghost In This House - Alison Krauss and Union Station

If you don't know Alison Krauss and Union Station this isn't the best song to introduce them to you but it serves my purpose for this month.

I suggest trying them on for size though. You just might like them.



ah what the hell....this one is on the house....get it..."house"

bonus post III

Have you seen this yet?

This fills me with joy.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Mama I'm Coming Home - Ozzy Osbourne

Seven days left - we are (pardon in the pun) in the home stretch!

So let us celebrate with a little Ozzy.

Go Home - Bare Naked Ladies

For my Canadian friends.....

In The Jailhouse Now - Johnny Cash

Who doesn't love Johnny Cash?

Take Me Home Country Road - John Denver

Since it is a Saturday and nobody reads me on a Saturday, I can put up a John Denver song and freely admit that I have always liked this song.

Home By The Sea - Genesis

To paraphrase Forrest Gump: Beauty is a beauty does
Yesterday I went to the salon to get my hair cut. I just now wanted to write: beauty parlor instead of salon. But seriously……does anybody call it a beauty parlor anymore? What do you call it? Hair salon, hairdresser, beauty salon?

Anyhoo….I got my hair cut nice and short for the summer. I feel cooler already. Anybody else getting a short cut for summer?

And speaking of summer.... our vacation this (providing himself will be in the mood)will be with his father and sister and her family in Wildwood, NJ

As such....here is the selection for today:

Brick House – The Commodores

I worked my way through high school busing tables at the local restaurant/diner.

There were lots of regulars that came in for Saturday morning cups of coffee and the latest town gossip.

Mostly they were old men. Cranky old men.

During the evenings the men that came in were often middle-aged men who were on their own. Perhaps because their wife was working a 3 -11 shift or because their wife had left them and they still needed to eat, or in the case of one man, because he had an unrequited love for one of the waitresses. Her name was Anna and she was an incorrigible flirt. She worked hard for her $1 tip!!

One night, as I was clearing off a table, one of these middle-aged men made a comment about me being built like a “brick shit-house”. This hurt my tender, seventeen year old sensibilities. I went storming in the kitchen, complaining to the cooks.

They had to explain to me that it was a compliment. I was pleased and yet a little skeeved that this man who was older than my father would say that to me. Now of course, I would pay good money to hear those words aimed in my direction!!

Green Green Grass of Home - Tom Jones

It was a toss-up between Tom Jones and Elvis

I saw Tom Jones in concert not so long ago and he sang this song and it made me get all shivery.

I admit it, I'm a Tom Jones fan...partly because he is Welsh, as am I, and I like to pretend that we might be long lost cousins.



to be fair, here is Elvis

Our House - Madness

I almost forgot today's post!!!

Homeward Bound - Simon & Garfunkel

Homeward Bound – Simon and Garfunkel

Yesterday, I got up early and drove 3hrs out to PA to spend Father’s Day with my Dad. We had a nice visit even though he slept for most of the time since he had only just got back from a fishing trip up to Lake Erie.

When I arrived, he and Mum were just settling down to lunch: fresh walleye, battered and deep fried in the flash fryer they bought from HSN. It was a very light fry and the walleye was so white and flaky and delicious. Mum served it with pan-fried potatoes and onions and fresh lettuce from her garden. Dad doesn’t eat lettuce so Mum and I ate the tender baby leaves with our fingers unadulterated with dressing, just a sprinkling of salt.

I got caught up on all the family and friends gossip:
The Goodwins up the street are putting their house up for sale.
The guy on the upper street is a pervert and a possible arsonist.
Aunt Debra is in nursing school, studying hard.

Dad put a new windshield wiper on my car. My sister called to wish him a happy father’s day.

Then it was time to go. With many admonitions to “drive safely” and “watch out for deer” and “they are doing construction on Route 80 and traffic will be backed up for miles between Bloomsburg and Berwick”, I gave hugs all around, hopped in my car and drove 3hrs back to NJ.

It was a good day.

What did you do for Father’s Day?

In My Father's House - Elvis Presley

This song kills five birds with one stone:

1) It's Sunday morning and this is a hymn
2) It is Father's Day
3) My father-in-law is a huge Elvis fan
4) This was one of my grandfather's favorite songs
5) I'll be travelling to my parents HOUSE to visit with my FATHER

(Obviously the pictorial content of this video has nothing to do with me or my family)

House of The Rising Sun - The Animals

I woke up very early this morning and since I was up I thought I would post the song for the day.

While I'm sitting at the computer, looking out the window at the rising sun, this song came to mind.

Bonus Post II - Won't you be my friend?

For those of you who use Netflix I'm inviting you to be my friend.

If you don't laugh at my choices, I won't judge you on yours!!


http://www.netflix.com/BeMyFriend/PB1k1OzALytz8QrDcEK2

Stranger In My House - Ronnie Milsap

Today’s selection – Stranger in My House – by Ronnie Milsap, has more truth in it than you can imagine.

Earlier in the week, Althea our huntress of a cat, carried in yet another live beastie. It was small and black, I know this because I watched the poor creature make a mad dash for freedom out the back door. Only he didn’t realized that it was a sliding screen door. He bounced off the screen, collected himself and scurried for safety under the jelly cupboard.

Who knows were he went after that, except that Althea kept guard on something underneath the sofa.

I would like to think that the vole, for that is what Tom determined it was based on my description, found an escape hatch somewhere and is back out in the wilderness where he belongs.

Otherwise at some point very soon, I am going to unexpectedly come across his desiccated corpse and have to call in rodent removal AKA Tom Bergman.

This version of Stranger In My House is with the Los Lonely Boys.

Burning Down the House - Talking Heads

Today’s song would have been more appropriate over the weekend and the beginning of the week when it was a murderously hot 100°F

The first time I ever really heard and paid attention to The Talking Heads was when I was in college and working on the stage crew, building the set for Cabaret.

The head carpenter used to blast the Talking Heads and the Velvet Underground from the auditorium sound system. Up until that time I was really only a Casey Kasem’s Top 40 Countdown kind of a girl. Were my eyes opened!! I never really got into Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground but I still have a soft spot for the Talking Heads

Come On-A My House - Rosemary Clooney

Today’s selection is Come On-A My House by Rosemary Clooney.

I remember when I first discovered Rosemary Clooney. It was also the first time I saw White Christmas. She was magnificent in a tight black velvet dress, singing “Love, You Didn’t Do Right By Me”

In response to Jess and Ami’s comments of yesterday:

Jess – I don’t remember what book I suggested last time. Email me – we need to catch up anyway.

Ami – I really like Carl Hiaasen. I've read all but the childrens books and I felt that Nature Girl was the weakest one so far. My favorite is Skinny Dip. The movie Striptease (starring Demi Moore and Burt Reynolds) was based on his book by the same name. Notwithstanding the dreadful acting by Demi, I thought the movie was excellent, as was the book.

I also introduced Tom’s 84 yr old grandmother to Hiaasen via Skinny Dip. She liked it so much she shared it with the ladies in her bridge group.

I would recommend Hiaasen to Jess for summer reading, but not for the book club because it might not be to everyone’s taste.

Anybody have any suggestions for the book club?

Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5

In keeping with the title of the latest book I was reading, Nature Girl by Carl Hiaasen, I decided to finish reading the book from the comfort of the back deck.

I was joined by my comfy cat Althea, who perched on the chair next to me and took what was probably her 20th cat nap of the day and Huck the skittish orange cat that really only loves Tom. He merely tolerates me.

I was also attacked by squadrons of mosquitoes and overrun by brigades of ants. All of which made me itchy and scratchy.

Towards the end of the evening, when the light was fading, out popped a ground hog
from underneath the deck.

He stared at me.

I stared at him.

Then I said conversationally “Good evening, Mr. Groundhog.”

He twitched his nose in acknowledgement and disappeared back under the deck.

The rest of the evening I was serenaded by whistles and chirps from neighborly Mr. Groundhog.

Neither cat moved a muscle. We leads me to believe that they are already on speaking terms with the groundhog.

Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue

This weekend my Dad and my cousin Tim drove 3hrs from PA to NJ to build us a new front porch.

This was Dad’s Christmas gift to us.

Or course it would be the weekend that the temperature hit 94°F!!

My poor Dad was sweating like crazy and cousin Tim was working with cracked/broken ribs. Even so, they managed to build a beautiful front porch with sturdy railings and shallow steps that are very easy to navigate.

Pictures forthcoming.

In the meantime, enjoy this classic from Motley Crue….

Long Way Home - Norah Jones

too hot to write coherently

but listening to norah jones always cools me

When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again

I've been reading a book by Stephen Ambrose entitled Americans At War - right now we are learning about Grant's 4th of July battle at Vicksburg.

So I think this song is apropos

Home Before Dark - Neil Diamond

Today marks the start of summer hours for our office.

I'm leaving at 3pm and will be "home" by 3:15

What to do with the extra 2 hours?

Laundry?
Housework?
Clean out car and go to carwash?
OR
Matinee viewing of Sex and the City?

Decisions, decisions!

bonus post

My mum sent me this  

 

http://www.voiceofcolor.com/en/colorsensegame/index.asp

 

She is alfresco and almonds and honey

 

I am desert spice and morning rose

 

What are you?

A House Without Love - George Jones

I read a story last night about a guitar that was stolen from George Jones 46 years ago in being returned to him. You can read the story here.

Today's song is in honor of George and the return "home" of his guitar.

Lyrics:
For years we both have lived on pride dear
And we agree that love is gone
Why oh why do we keep tryin'
A house without love is not a home

The love light in your eyes has faded
And I'm contented just to roam
We slaved to gain a worthless treasure
A house without love is not a home

No matter where our footsteps wander
I know we'll both be all alone
With the pride that came between us
A house without love is not a home

The simple things have gone forever
We wanted wealth to call our own
Now we've reached the hour of parting
A house without love is not a home

Ed Can't Sell His House

Ed McMahon, you all know him from "The Tonight Show," or "Star Seach", is fighting to avoid foreclosure on his multimillion-dollar Beverly Hills home. He is $644,000 behind on payments on a $4.8 million mortgage.

According to the report I read, McMahon, 85, has been unable to work as a pitchman for various products since he broke his neck 18 months ago. I didn't even know he had broken his neck. Furthermore, at 85 he should be able to sit down and take things easy and not worry about making mortage payments.


This part I cribbed from the report: "The six-bedroom, five-bath house is in a hilltop gated community overlooking Mulholland Drive called The Summit and is listed for sale at $6.25 million. It has been on the market two years, according to real estate agent Alex Davis. The house is near that of pop star Britney Spears, which doesn't always work in its favor.

"When we were trying to sell the house one time, there were about 100 paparazzi there," Davis said.

Damn Britney and her paparazzi!!

Home on the Range

Today's selection is Home On The Range as sung by Bing Crosby

When I was in 3rd grade my mother decided that it was time for me to start piano lessons. And this was one of the songs in my repertoire. I wasn't very good at the piano. I was lucky if I found middle C. I waited in vain for the day when I would sit down at the piano and the music would pour forth effortlessly from my fingers.

I'm still waiting.....

Without further ado, here is Bing

THIS is a cop out!

Hey listen.....YOU try coming up with 30 songs with home or house in the title!!

I had to really put my brain to work and on the weekend too!

My apologies to those of you who might be checking this out at work and can't download youtube. Today's choice is Home by Chris Daughtry.

Again with the posting every day..

The NaBloPoMo theme for June blogging is home. Whatever home means to you! A place where you keep all your stuff, the place you came from, a place you dream of creating, or something you hold in your heart.

I decided to go in a different direction. Something a little bit easier. There are many songs that have the word home or house in the title. So that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to post a different youtube video that has a song with home or house.

First one up is a Lynyrd Skynrd classic - Sweet Home Alabama. This is concert footage from the 70's. Look how lovely and natural all the women were.

Here we go.......