Can I Collect Workman's Comp?

Dude!

I just fell off my chair.

I leaned over to pick up something and the chair rolled out from under me and I fell with a crashing thud.

There were immediate cries of “What happened?” and “Are you ok?”

I hauled myself up, righted my chair, assured my coworkers all was well and went back to work, with the tingling of what is sure to become a lovely bruise on my right arm.

I am telling you this because I thought you all deserved a nice mental image of Jen falling on her ass in her cubicle. Makes for a nice pick-me–up in the middle of an otherwise boring week, don’t you think?


Know this: I loathe, despise and abominate vegetables. So that fact that I am eating raw carrots for the third day in a row is worth mentioning.

His Cheeseburger

Know this: Melody rocks.

I’ll explain in greater detail next week

In the meantime enjoy this:

Birthday party woo hoo

Welcome!!



Come on in and join the party!



I've got some wonderful nibbly things and desserts for you to enjoy.



In addition to the things seen in the slide show, a traditional birthday party at my house often included a big 5 gallon bucket of ice cream, cheese curls, A&W root beer, two sets of grandparents and assorted aunts, uncles and cousins.

I wanted to put up some music for the day, but I know that some of you might stop by and visit while you are at work and I don't want you to call undue attention to yourself by blaring loud music. Feel free to quietly sing Happy Birthday to me under your breath.

This morning I was was rudely woken by my husband bellowing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN"

The day continued to get better when I hobbled downstairs and opened the amazon.com box that has been sitting on my table for a week. It was two books from my best good friend Sanna. Even though they came early I waited until my birthday like a good girl. I got a biography of Julia Child (from my wish list). I can't wait to start reading it. I don't mind admitting that when I was growing up I used to drag out all my play dishes and pretend that I was on a TV cooking show just like Julia Child.


I also received a package from my friend Cory in Florida. It is a nice packet of notecards. Would it be weird if I sent a thank you on the very cards she sent me?


And finally, this had nothing to do with my birthday but....this morning I was watching the weather channel and the news anchor informed us that Pensacola Florida is having a mullet festival. Turns out they were talking about the fish, but for a brief second, I thought that all the red-neck men in America were planning to descend on Pensacola and have a contest to see who has the fiercest mullet.

Thank you for coming and sharing my birthday with me today.

Before you leave, have a "Nejyerftini" -
30mls Lemon Vodka
15mls Cointreau
fresh orange juice

CHEERS!!


Food compliments of Melody of Trapdoor

Pansies and birthdays

Last night my husband brought me an early birthday present.

A hanging basket of yellow pansies.

He knows pansies are my favorite spring-time flower.

And he also reminded me that this is the time of year when I’m usually in the throes of an MS exacerbation.

He said it out loud so please knock on wood that he hasn’t jinxed me!

Speaking of birthdays……don’t forget you are all invited to my birthday blogparty on April 22nd. If you want to bring a dish, please email me the picture at nejyerf@hotmail.com so that I can add it to the menu and put it out for people to see.

Melody will be catering and she’s promised to invent a drink just for the occasion.

A Nejyerftini.

All suggestions for the drink will be taken under advisement.

Make sure you put on your best bib and tucker for the party. Since it is virtual, you can wear whatever you like, only you must describe it when you come in the door.

I myself, will be wearing my posh frock. It is orange and sparkly. You’ll see it on Tuesday.

Have a mahvelous weekend!!

Over or Under?

Our office has a water cooler.

Our office has four women.

What happens when you put the two together?

You have an office full of women who need to pee.

A lot.

An office full of peeing women = many bathroom trips

Many trips to the bathroom to the bathroom = inordinate amounts of toilet paper used.

In our office when the toilet paper needs to be changed, it gets changed. No questions asked, no leaving a tiny smidgen on the roll rather than changing it, leaving the next person in the awkward position of having to scramble off the pot with her pants around her ankles to get a new roll out of the linen closet. But I digress.

The only problem is, when the one girl changes it, she always puts the new roll on going over rather than under. This distresses me so very much that I have to change the roll to the under position. It is only then that I can pee in peace.

How do you roll?

Blogs of Distinction

Ami shamed me and Misty flattered me into nominating people for the Blog of Distinction Award.

So here goes…..

I hereby nominate:

Misty of Rainy Day in May - she makes me come as close to crying as a person with a heart of stone can, with stories of the battles with her daughter
P of biped.sideways because she makes me think – I don’t always understand what she is talking about and I love her because of that
Melody of Trap Door – because she makes me heave huge sighs of gustatory delight over her delicious recipes
All Knowing Jen from - The Bus of Love – she makes me laugh and because we are both Jen’s
Gillian of The Reluctant Grown-up – because she’s due to drop (this is a farm term that I learned from my cow-raising sister and yes I realize that I just compared Gillian to a cow, but it is meant in the nicest possible way) at any moment and needs something to occupy her mind

Meme mania

Last week, my lovely blog friend Ami nominated me for a “Blog of Distinction” award. Started by Working Mum on the Verge, this award is given to bloggers who make us "laugh, cry, think or sigh". In accepting this award, I am to pass it on to five other bloggers who I think are distinct, and who make me laugh, cry, think or sigh. Since Ami and I are a mutual admiration society, normally she would have been my first choice.

But I can’t pick just one blog amongst all of the ones I read, so I’m going to say that ALL of you make me “laugh, cry, think or sigh”. Kisses all round.

Teacher Bee tagged me to do a list of six unimportant things about me. Where was this meme last month when I was looking for lists?!

1) I collect paper dolls
2) I like Pepsi over Coke
3) I never wear nail polish – I’ve tried but I just can’t seem to get it on neat enough
4) I never get more than 8 books at a time from the library
5) I play eeny, meeny, miney, mo to determine which book to read first
6) I never print. My printing looks like a 2nd grader’s

I'm supposed to tag someone, but I never do that. Instead feel free to divulge an unimportant fact about yourself.

Detritus

When I think of P (who is from Iowa) this song starts going through my head:

Oh, there's nothing halfway
about the Iowa way to treat you
when we treat you
which we may not do at all.

Tell me, my lovely musical geeks, what musical is this from?

Baseball jargon I’ve learned and will now share with you:
A blooper or “bloop” is a weakly hit fly ball that drops in for a single between an infielder and an outfielder. Also known as a bloop single.

comebacker - A ball batted directly back to the pitcher. This one I learned quite recently when my husband’s Uncle Bruce got beaned during baseball practice and had to have 25 or so stitches in his head

I’m not a Mariah Carey fan, but I really like her new single “Touch My Body”. I do wish that she would wear something that is not “too”. You know…. too short, too tight, too low, too high. And I read somewhere that she prefers to be photographed and filmed from her right side. So the next time you watch her video, pay attention and you’ll see what I mean.

I like the scent of:
1) Scotch tape
2) Brown paper bags
3) New books –When I was gloating over the pile of new books I received for Christmas I couldn’t restrain myself and without even thinking about it, I held the books up to my nose one at a time and fanned the pages so that I could inhale the new book aroma. My husband looked at me very curiously. I explained that I just like the smell. You would think that a man who delights in the offensive odor of his own farts would understand.

I found a new flavor of Oreo – strawberry milkshake. I am limiting myself to just three a day. I am also sharing with my husband. Can you believe it? Not only am I showing incredible restraint but I’m also sharing. It’s a new and improved Jen!! I’ve hidden the cookies where he will never find them and dole them out to him six at a time. It is as much for him as it for me. He will gorge himself on cookies and milk until he is ready to burst.

Today I cut someone from my blog reader. Every time I go to her blog she is complaining about her husband and threatening to leave him. If you read between the lines, you can tell that she is nothing more than an unhappy woman and is blaming him for it. I have no time for whiners and moaners and since I never comment on her blog anyway it was easy to cut her like she was dead weight. Once again allow me to reiterate…. if you are not entertaining me or not making me think then I have no time for you so… “Good-bye to you”

Nothin' but green, baby

Today, on the way in to work, I hit every green light.

I got to work in record time.

It's the little things in life that make me happy.

What little thing made you happy today (besides reading this post of course!)?

cake for everyone!!

In two weeks it will be my 36th birthday.

I'm throwing a blog-party and you are all invited.

No RSVP needed.

At least they aren't on backwards....

Don't ask me how this happens.....but because I think it is important to share important details of my life with you.....I just now this minute discovered that I've got my pink Hanes Her Way underwear on inside out.


Which begs the question......if I turn them right side out can I wear them again tomorrow?!?!

thought for the weekend

In the words of the great philosopher, Chris Berman,

"There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people who ask questions."

Can I get an amen?

dream a little dream

I’ve been taking a new drug for the MS – Low Dose Naltrexone – but that is not the point of this story.

One of the side effects – or benefits, depending on which way you want to look at it – is very vivid dreams. These dreams are so out there that I don’t even bother to try and analyze them, I just accept them.

Mostly they are peculiar, like the night I dreamt that I was chasing Sarah Jessica Parker and tackled her and spanked her bare bottom with a flip-flop, in the middle of the street.

The other night I had a crazy sex dream. Usually when I have my crazy sex dreams, it is with either an anonymous stranger that I picked up in my dream world or the guy from high school whom I’ve told you about.

But this night it was different, this night, the only time I can sleep with someone else without breaking my wedding vows and who should turn up?

My husband.

I know what you will say, “Awww, how romantic, dreaming about your husband”.

I say, “I was ROBBED”

this is me with nothing to say - enjoy it while it lasts!

finis

This month of lists has reached its conclusion!!


1) I am happy
2) I am exhausted
3) I am ready to tell the stories that languished while I made lists
4) I am going to go around to all you lovely people who commented while I listed
5) I am taking my leave of you now.

Don't forget tomorrow or today (depending on when you are reading this) is April Fool's Day.

Sunday

This will be my last post on boring weekend activities for a long time - I promise!

Today I:

1) Lolled around in bed all morning finishing a James Patterson novel
2) Lolled around on the couch all afternoon watching The Sunshine Boys with George Burns and Walter Matthau
3) Flung a bag of peanuts, one or two at a time, off the back deck for the squirrels.
4) Polished off the rest of the cookies I made on Thursday
5) Played endless games of Zuma
6) Plotted ways to get back at my fellow co-worker for the attitude she has been showing me lately - but that is another post


And now I must go to bed

counter space

If there is one thing you should know about me, it is that I cannot abide cluttered counters. We have a small house with limited counter space so I like to keep them cclean and clear but this week things got a little out of control. So today, I awoke with resolve in my heart and this is what I cleaned off the counters:

1) Open bag of Twizzlers cherry nips that I decanted into a candy jar
2) Unopened stick of Gilette deodorant - from when I unloaded the groceries on Tuesday
3) Bag of red delicious apples
4) Box of Raisin Bran that I've been waiting for Tom to put away
5) Empty egg carton that needs to go to the people from whom we buy our eggs
6) Bag of tomatoes - I can never remember - should I store tomatoes in the fridge?
7) Bag of moldy steak rolls - what a disappointment!! I chucked them out the back door for the birdies
8) Container of biscotti that my sister made me for Christmas - does biscotti go bad?
9) Bowl of onions and garlic - just like Rachael Ray
10) Two tortillas wrapped in tin foil
11) Bag of rice too big to fit in the cupboard right now - I'm going to start making real rice instead of minute rice!!
12) Empty iced tea pitcher - I was waiting for Tom to make the tea.....it will be a long wait
13) Empty ice cube tray - no room in the freezer for it
14)Gma Bergman's bowl - she sent home spaghetti when I was laid up and we've yet to return it. I need to send it back with something yummy in it.
15) Two bananas rapidly growing brown - maybe I can make Gma some banana bread?
16) Extra bag of bread that I got out to thaw
17) Open box of Entenmanns Popems that I cleverly hid from my husband by putting the loaf of bread on top of the box
18) Tray of fresh baked cookies that I disguised with a dish towel so he won't eat them all at one sitting
19) Empty applesauce jar that really should go to recycling but will most likely end up in the garbage - don't judge me, we all do it!
20) Glass dish that I made baked ziti in last week and had to wash out by hand since it won't fit correctly in the dishwasher

This is not even counting all the things that are permanent fixtures on the counters ie: toaster, mixer, bread box, mug tree etc.

I put everything away in its proper place and my kitchen once again looks neat and tidy.

What is on your counters?

not tonight honey, i have a headache

Reasons why I've had a headache all day:

1) I slept funny on my pillow last night
2) Too much time staring at the computer screen
3) Didn't drink enough water
4) My fellow co-worker gave me nothing but attitude all day
5) My hair is on too tight

Tomorrow will be a better day

Names

1) I had a Boston fern when I was in college. My friend Claudette freed it from a random front porch. She presented it to me late one night. She was drunk, Claudette not the plant. I named the plant Mrs. Shinn. You might know Mrs. Shinn by her full name "My Wife, Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn"

2) Our cat is named Althea, after the Grateful Dead song by the same name.

3) If we ever decide to get a dog I want to call him "Pilgrim". In his films,The Duke (John Wayne) liked to call people pilgrim.

4) I'm also fond of the names Wagstaffe and Pohlwhistle.

5) It is a secret dream of mine to open a party-planning business. The name? "A Cunning Plan"

6) Or a funky boutique called "Utterly Too Too"

Bonus points if you can tell me where I got the names for number 1, 5 and 6.

I cannot even tell you how happy I am that this month of lists is coming to an end!!!

scraping the bottom of the barrel

This was a meme I did ages ago on my MSN Spaces blog. It is late and Top Chef is on and I don't have time to do an inspired list so here.....

THE RULES:
1. the tagged person has to come up with 8 different points of the perfect lover.
2. The tagged person needs to mention the sex of the target.
3. The tagged person needs to tag 8 victims to play this game and leave a comment saying they have been tagged.
4. If tagged a second time, you don't have to post again.

Okay....here goes....8 points on the perfect lover:

1)He is of the male persuasion
2)He does not think it beneath his dignity to do a little light housework.
3)He will share his french fries when I've finished mine first.
4)He will fill the ice cube trays of his own volition.
5)He knows when to leave me in peace.
6)He is a spontaneous lover
7)He can wear a floral Hawaiian shirt with aplomb
8)Most importantly, he thinks that I am the only one for him.

I'm not tagging anyone unless you REALLY want to do it. If so, let me know you are going to do it so we can compare notes.