Merry Christmas!!

We are going up to Vermont to spend Christmas with my sister and her family. This will be the first time in over 10 years that our whole family has been together on Christmas Day.

Here's hoping your Christmas will be filled with love and laughter and lots to eat!!

Bragging rights

Because this is my blog and not yours, I'm going to brag a bit. I am THIS CLOSE to the weight I was when I got married. Fifteen more pounds and I just might be able to fit into my wedding dress again. I didn't think I'd ever live to see the day!!

Further proof that I'm losing the weight? Last night my husband told me he's checking out my butt!!

Annoyance

I'm on Facebook. Look me up.

But let me give you fair warning.

If you are going to use Facebook as a announcement of every little boring, inane thing you are doing, I might just unfriend you.

Seriously.

I really don't care that you just woke up. Or that you are going to bed. Or that you have a headache. Or that you are eating, sleeping or pooping. I JUST DON'T CARE!!!

Tell me something fun and exciting that you have done or are about to do.

But don't tell how much you despise the Republicans/Democrats. Or what stupid thing President Obama has done. Or how the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

I JUST DON'T CARE!!

Don't preach to me. I know Jesus loves me. He loves you too. And would love you even more if you didn't go on and on about the minutiae of your day.

You COULD join in my Friday Lunch Challenge. That is always fun. Share your lunch menu for the day. But I don't want to know your every bite.

NaBloPoMo

The NaBloPoMo....she is finished.

Mental lap band ll

A couple of months ago I wrote about how I used a mental lap band to lose weight.

I thought that was something of my own invention.

Turns out it is a real thing.

Take a look

Huh.

Odoriferous

Our house is so smelly. It is a combination of a nasty carpet, the couch and canned catfood.

Really makes you want to come visit, doesn't it?

I think for the new year we are going to invest in a new carpet or hardwood flooring (depends on my Christmas bonus) and a new couch. One that the cats won't shred.

How do you train cats not to claw on the furniture?

Zingers

Sometimes I get such a craving for a Hostess/Dolly Madison Zingers. The raspberry ones. With the coconut. After I eat two or three I'm done for a couple of months.

Or sometimes it is an apple pie from Drakes.

Or Butterscotch Krimpets.

Do you have these brands in your neck of the woods?

Yummy in my tummy

Thanksgiving was at Tom's Dad's today.

We had lots of turkey, stuffing, two kinds of potatoes, peas, corn, creamed onions, cranberry sauce, gravy and rolls.

For dessert there was pie and cookies and pumpkin cheesecake, ice cream plus other assorted goodies.

I am FULL

Here's hoping you had an excellent Thanksgiving!

X-Box 360

Two years ago I got my husband the X-box 360 for Christmas.

With the exception slippers, it is the only Christmas gift I ever got him that I KNEW he would use nearly every day.

I'll never be able to top it.

Unless I can score some Superbowl Tickets.

Wedding rings

For years I couldn't get my rings off my fat, sausage-like fingers. And everytime I had to take a course of prednisone it got even worse.

I used to worry my rings, turning my finger red and chafed, in an effort to get them off. Finally one day they slipped off. I never put them back on.

I missed them, but liked the feeling on not being constricted even more.

Then when I started to lose weight I put them back on. Now they are loose. Almost as loose as when I first got them.

I mentioned to Tom that since we've been married for 15 years maybe I could get a new ring? He was a bit taken aback. Not by the 15 years. He knows how long we've been married, but by the thought that I might want another ring. He knows I'm not a big jewelry girl. When we got engaged he was the on who insisted that I get a ring. He's never had to buy me diamonds to make me happy. I'd much rather a pot of pansies or some such thing.

I've planted the thought in his head. He's a bit frugal, my Tom and he says that we need to do some much needed work around the house. Who knows, maybe in a year or so I'll be sporting a new diamond band? Or a paved driveway. Either way, I'll be happy.

Venison

Lately I seem to be running on empty. I need to eat more red meat. My larder is reduced to hamburger and frozen venison from 2006.

So tonight I made breaded venison chops. I overcooked them. It doesn't take much turn a nice piece of venison into leather.

I ended up eating chicken. Again. I'm getting mighty tired of chicken.

Perhaps next time I should eat beans to get my protein.

Upstairs, Downstairs

I've been watching the British series Upstairs, Downstairs.

I can't make up my mind if I would rather be a servant or an aristocrat with servants.

Somedays I want to be a ladies maid and other days I want to have a butler to answer the door and announce guests.

Either way, I would love to have a British accent.

Television

Today instead of working on my list of things to do, I watched T.V.

All day.

I'm a lazy, lazy girl.

Don't judge me.

Oh wait, I DID do one load of laundry.

Short and sweet

Stephanie sent me some scrumptious sweet and salty drops and a scarf (knit with her own two hands)


Snaps to Stephanie


*Sweeet and salty drops ingredients: Butter, flour, demerara cane sugar, salt, eggs, baking powder, vanilla extract. For further information you'll have to ask her. All I know is that I scarfed down the whole bag in one sitting.

Recognition

The other day, when I glanced at myself in the mirror, I saw my mother's face peering out at me.

It took me by surprise.

I have always been told that I resemble my father.

I don't mind looking like my mother. She has a pleasing face.

But it made me wonder if she ever looked in the mirror and saw HER mother? And did my grandmother look in the mirror and see HER mother. And so on. Really when you think about it it could be my great-great-great grandmother's face staring back at me.

This is too deep a thought for a Thursday night.

Quiet Time

All day every day at work I'm talking. On the phone or to my coworkers. I come home and talk to my husband until he falls asleep.

I can't seem to quit talking. My mother calls it "diarrhea of the mouth".

But by the time the weekend rolls around I just want to be silent. On Saturday, when I'm the only one at home, I don't talk to anyone. Except maybe an occasional word to the cats.

I luxuriate in the silence.

Sundays, if Tom has to work I get another day, unless I go to the grocery store. And even then I can maintain silence, especially if I go through the self-check out.

Try it sometime, you will be refreshed for the coming week.

Potatoes

Continuing in the food theme, tonight I made wee red potatos, buttered them put some parsley on them.

I was pleased.

But I'm not a huge potato fan. My Irish ancestors are probably rolling over in their peat graves.

I'd rather have rice.

But I won't say no to a nicely fried french fry. Of the Burger King Variety.

Onions

I like onions. The girls in my office do not. Normally, I would show consideration and not order onions on my Subway sandwich, but I like them too much to forgo them. My co-workers can just suffer and pray that I remembered my gum!!

Over the weekend I was watching Julia Child and Jacques Pepin prepare Thanksgiving dinner. Among the many side dishes was creamed onions. I always wanted to make them but thought it might be too complicated. After watching Julia I realized that there is nothing to it. Just peel the pearl onions, saute them in butter, add white pepper and cream bring to a boil and then let the liquid reduce. Easy-peasy.

I also like Funyuns. Mostly made of cornmeal, they are onion flavored and a guilty pleasure.

I like the smell of fresh cut onion grass.

My grandparents used to make beautiful brown Easter eggs from onion skins. It is a dying art. Dying....get it?!?

Tom is a fan of my onion dip and requests it for parties. All it is, is a packet of Lipton french soup and sour cream mixed well and chilled. But I'm a star every time I make it.

I've said this before, my mother told me a long time ago that if you want to fool your husband into thinking that dinner is on the way, start frying up some onions. The smell permeates the house. There is nothing quite like the smell of frying onions.

NFL

Today the Vikings were my survivor pick and they won.

On to next week. I think I'm going to pick the Bengals.

We'll see how the week progresses.

Making my list

Today I got serious and started working on my Christmas shopping list.

I'm really quite into lists.

List of books to read.

List of movies to watch, otherwise known as my Netflix queue.

List of boxes I need to send out.

List of chores to do around the house.

Grocery list

List of things to buy a Walmart

The list goes on and on.

Do you make lists?

Luck be a lady tonight

Tom is off to play poker at his father's tonight.

That means I don't have to make dinner because Kathy always has a nice spread out for the poker players PLUS I will have control of the remote and I can watch a girly movie. ALL BY MYSELF.

Life is good.

Keeping Up Appearances

If I were Hyacinth Bucket (that's Boo-kay) I would never admit to what I'm about to tell you but since I'm me, I will gladly share my story.

First off you should know that Wednesday is Tom's regular day off and when I left for work, he was preparing to go out and do some Fall clean-up's, get more kerosene, mow the lawn and get a haircut.

When I arrived home, I found that that although the lawn was mowed, the empty kerosene jugs were still waiting by the door and my shaggy-haired husband was very nearly comatose on the couch.

When I tried to rouse him, he was exceedingly obnoxious so I retreated to the kitchen whereupon I called my sister and we had a nice long chat. Midway through the call, the sleeping giant woke from his slumbers, lurched into the kitchen, stumbled out the back door and proceeded to retch violently off the back porch. He sounded like a college girl puking in the parking lot of a fraternity house. I was tempted to ask him if he needed me to hold back his hair!! Staned back ladies, he's all mine!!

After that unfortunate episode, he made his way back to the couch to spend the rest of the night there.

When I awoke this morning I had to ask what happened. Turns out our feckless hero spent the day reliving his college years by doing some recreational drinking. He drank three XXX Molsen beers followed by Sambuca. Lord only knows how much of the Sambuca he managed to consume, but I know that he finished off a bottle, because I found the empty in the trash.

Oddly enough, this morning he exhibited no signs that he was suffering any ill side effect of his wee binge. I call it a wee binge, because in his hey-day this drinking would have been naught but a drop in the alcohol bucket.

The silver lining in all of this? Jen got a night off. I didn't have to make dinner and I could talk uninterrupted on the telephone for over an hour.

Jacks and jump rope

Did you play jacks as a child? I played all through 4th grade. That was the year I moved from one school to another and the kids at the new school didn't play jacks so I introduced the game. We used to long for a rainy day recess so that we could play on the smooth classroom floor. I had a pretty,multi-colored ball. It was my lucky ball. I won often when I used it.

When we went outside for recess, we played Chinese jump rope. Which I also brought from the other school.

I wonder, do little girls still play these games?

And how about pick-up sticks? Do kids still play that?

I think I'm going to get these games for my little nieces for Christmas.

What games do you remember from your childhood?

In an aside....this was also the year that Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers had the hit "Islands in the Stream" and Stacy M. had a cassette player and she would play that song over and over again until we all knew it by heart.

Individual servings

Green Giant has a wonderous new invention in the frozen vegetable market.

They have individual servings. Just for one they are called.

Green Giant® – Just for One allows you to enjoy the great sauces you love with your favorite vegetables in a portable single serve tray at home or on the go. Green Giant – Just for One is now endorsed by Weight Watchers® and only have 0 or 1 POINTS value per tray.

That's from their website.

I highly recommend the cauliflower and cheese. The peas and corn in basil butter sauce is also quite yummy.

I like that when I'm making dinner and Tom wants one veggie and I want another I can just pop them into the microwave and we are both happy.

OH and speaking of individual portions....anybody try the Perdue boneless, skinless chicken breasts that are individually wrapped? I've got some in the freezer for later this week.

Housecleaners etc.

The house cleaners are coming tomorrow. They come once a month. I love them. When I walk in the house everything is neat and shiny clean.

Tonight for dinner we are having ham slice. With baked beans and mac and cheese. Dinner from a box and a can. Woo-hoo!

Matt Hasselbeck had 25 consecutive points yesterday to lead the Seattle Seahawks to a victory over the Detroit Lions. I tell you this because I picked Seattle in my survivor league and in the first quarter the Lions were up 14-0 and I was sure I was going to be knocked out in week 8. Now its time to start thinking about who to pick for next week. I'm thinking the Vikings.

Holiday shopping has commenced. I'm filling my Amazon.com shopping cart, as well as adding to my wish list. Look to the left....hint, hint.

Gifts by mail

I love to send gifts by mail.

I especially like to send unexpected gifts.

Over the course of the last year or so, several friends have been the recipient of a gift by mail and I still have a few more to go! Teacher Bee, Missyand baby girl Landry in particular!

But a couple of weeks ago I was my turn to be surprised.

My blog friend Cory sent me a package of orange.... some Halloween kitchen towels, Kathy Griffin's new book and a packet of pop rocks. She is the bestest!!

Christmas is coming which means more gifts to send.

Finders keepers

Finders keepers is my policy when doing laundry.

Any money, be it change or bills, found in pockets is mine.

I think it can be considered a tip

Ephrata Cloister

One of America's earliest religious communities, the Ephrata Cloister was founded in 1732 by German settlers seeking spiritual goals rather than earthly rewards. Gathered in unique European style buildings, the community consisted of celibate Brothers and Sisters, and a married congregation of families.At the zenith of the community in the 1740s and 1750s, about 300 members worked and worshiped at the Cloister.

I copied and pasted the above to tell you this....the Cloisters slept on a bench with a block for a pillow.

I mention this because lately every morning I wake up with a headache and a crick in my neck. I feel as though I've been sleeping on a board with a block for a pillow.

Note: Above is why the sect died out. Couples just can't get busy on a bench!!

Dancing With Deer

On the way home this evening, I drove through a herd of deer in the middle of the road. There must have been at least eight of them.

They couldn't make up their minds if they wanted to go left or right or stand in the middle. I honked my horn and they oh so daintily tip-toed off the road.

In NJ deer are a pestilence and a burden. They'll eat the plants right off your back deck if your not careful. Some people feed them corn, but I don't recommend that. They'll keep coming back time and again.

I'd rather have deer than bear or coyote though.

Clip or be clipped

There are many different kinds of clips….

Paper clip, tie clip, grass clippings, newspaper clippings, hair clip.

A clipping penalty in football, a clipper ship, money clip, ammo clip

A clipped way of speaking, nail clippers, The L.A. Clippers basketball team

Hair clippers

Mailbox clip

I could go on and on.

But let us reflect on the final clip. The mailbox clip. This is a highly refined clip that only professional clippers should attempt.

This clip requires a 35mph speed limit, a darkening autumn evening, a narrow road, an oncoming car that won’t move over, a passenger side mirror and of course a neighbor’s mailbox.

The end result?

An early morning phone call to the car dealership.

Draw your own conclusions.

Begonias

I have two begonias that still have a blossom each. One yellow and one pink.

It is time to bring them indoors.

For the pink begonia, this is the third year in a row that it will winter in my big bay window in the kitchen.

It will lie dormant until spring.

Much like myself.

Apes

Over the weekend, Tom and I watched a Planet of the Apes marathon.

We started with Planet of the Apes....you know....the one with Charlton Heston snarling "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape! !!"


It was the first time I have ever seen it the whole way through. It was cheesy as only a 1968 sci-fi movie can be but yet the story was good and held my attention. Who knew that in the future not only would apes rule the world but apes with English accents? When the remake came out in 2001 (with Marky Mark) we went to see it and at the time I thought it was a good movie. But after having seen the original, I see how lacking the remake was. It took itself way too seriously.

The Taking of Pelham 123 will be the next remake we'll see. I'll also be watching "The Women". I loved the original....Norma Shearer, Rosalind Russell, Joan Crawford at her catty best. I'm sure the new one can't compare.

What remake do you recommend?

It's NaBloPoMo!

I need to get back into the swing of things and the best way is to commit to NaBloPoMo.

NaBloPoMo stands for National Blog Posting Month, which means that I need to post every day for the month of November.

I'm depending on you, gentle reader, to help me stay on track.

Wish me luck!!

Facebook Etiquette

Here's a question for all you Facebook people out there.

What do you do when a person accepts your friend request and then days later you find out that they unfriended you? For no discernible reason.

Do you try and find out why or do you just let it go?

An aquaintance just did this to me. An old high school chum actually. This person has changed a lot since high school and to be frank I should never have done a friend request. She has become judgmental and holier-than-thou and not worth my time. Who needs a friend like that anyway?

You know.....I think I've just answered my own question!

Carry on.

Things I like

I like Huey Lewis and the News.

I like orange pansies - Tom just brought home two pots. Hopefully the frost won't get them right away.

I like the smell of new books.

I like the smell of old books.

I like the first sip of a properly mixed fountain soda Pepsi. It's my crack!

I like British TV shows. Right now I'm watching "The House of Eliot". After that series is done I shall watch Upstairs, Downstairs.

I like high thread count sheets. I refuse to sleep on anything less than 600ct.

I like Scope mouthwash and Crest toothpaste.

I like Granny Smith apples.

I also like the Bee Gees.

I like Febreze Air Effects in particular the lavender vanilla scent.

I like a freshly sharpened pencil.

I like the weekends when I can go without putting in my contacts.

What do you like? Do we like the same things?

Lights out

I started out my soap opera watching career with Santa Barbara. Do you remember the Capwells and Lockridges? Eden Capwell and Cruz Castillo? Mason Capwell and Julia Wainwright?

When I was in high school, I used to rush home so that I could watch as much of Santa Barbara as possible before my mother came home from work. She did not approve of soap operas.

Over time I moved from Santa Barbara to the town of Springfield where I became enthralled with the lives and loves of the Spaulding, Lewis and Cooper clans.

In college, I watched Days of our Lives and Another World with my roommate Rebecca and General Hospital with my other roommate Lori. I had to give up Guiding Light because the other Jennifer in the house liked GL and she watched it in her room. I detested her and refused to go be in the same room with her even to watch my beloved Guiding Light.

Maybe if I had continued to watch Guiding Light today wouldn’t be the last episode?

In other news, I had to give in on the cutting board on the counter standoff. Oh yes, it was still there as of last night. But when I took a closer look at it, I discovered that the tomato seeds still on the board were starting to mold. I draw the line at mold on my counter. In my refrigerator on leftovers is one thing, but not on my cutting board.

I rather think that this whole experiment of waiting it out was in vain, because I don’t think Tom even noticed that the cutting board was on the counter all this time.

Oblivious!!

Welcome to Motel Nejyerf

Apparently I’m running a motel.

We had a guest over the Labor Day Weekend.

This person was not invited per se, more like she just announced that she “would be in town and wants to stay with us, if that’s OK?”

So what choice do I have but to say yes?

If that weren’t irritating enough, after she left I went up to the guest room to strip the bed and found not one but TWO towels in a damp heap on the floor.

ON THE FLOOR!!!

Waiting for housekeeping to come along and pick them up I daresay

I suppose I should be grateful that she didn’t leave them on the bed!?!

Clean as a whistle

The housecleaners are coming today.

That’s right, I have house cleaners. It is only two of us at our house; however I’m lazy and quite frankly, a bit of a slob and Tom is no better so I have Budget Home and Office Cleaners come once a month.

I cannot tell you what a relief it is to know that when I get home tonight everything will be bright and shiny clean. Today is extra special because they are cleaning out the refrigerator. I have to pay a little bit more, but it is worth it to have a clean refrigerator. I don’t know about yours, but my fridge is one Rubbermaid container of leftovers away from being a nothing more than a huge white petri dish.

Now if only I could find somebody to come in and clean the litterbox!

Waiting it out

Over the weekend, Tom got out the cutting board and a knife to slice a tomato for his salad.

Days later the cutting board and knife are still on the counter.

I rinse out the dirty dishes that are in the sink and put them in the dishwasher.

I make iced tea when the empty pitcher mysteriously appears on the counter.

I close the bread box every time he leaves it open.

These things I do almost as rote, without thinking.

But I have to draw the line somewhere.

I refuse to put away the cutting board and knife. It won’t kill him to wipe off the board and put it back in the drawer, will it?!?!

It is taking every fiber of my being to resist the urge to put them away myself.

I must be strong.

This is naught but a game we married folks must play.

TMI

today I am wearing a pair of underwear so tight that they are cutting off the circulation to my legs.

just thought you might like to know.

Catching up

Because all five of the people (including my mother and sister) who periodically stop by to check and see if I’m still alive are dying to know what I’ve been up to this last month, let me fill you in……


1) I lost my balance the other day and fell over onto my plant and broke it. Moment of silence for my plant.
2) I have two begonia plants that wither away every fall and come back to life in the spring. They are blooming madly right now. One pink. One yellow.
3) I bought 4 new bras. Two white, one tan and one blue. I am feeling oh so supported and spiffy.
4) Football season is upon us. My new favorite player name is Beanie Wells. He’s the new running back for the AZ Cardinals. Keep your eye on him.
5) I am currently liking the song “Fugitive” from David Gray and “Listen to the Dark Side” by Charlie Mars.
6) I am doing a massive clean-out at my house and have a pair of size 7½ inline skates up for grabs. Call them quick or I’m going to donate them to the Lupus Foundation
7) Tonight for dinner we are having bacon-wrapped pork chops.
8) Saw “Duplicity” and “I Love You, Man”. The first one confused me and the second one charmed me. Paul Rudd is too cute.
9) I have discovered a new treat. Nestle Mini-Drumsticks. They are just the right size and just enough ice cream to satisfy my ice-cream cravings.
10) I am re-reading the Anastasia books by Lois Lowry. I completely forgot how smart and funny Anastasia is.
11) I am also continuing in my own personal pay-it-forward. I’ve been sending out gifts to various friends and family. Keep your eyes peeled. You just might be next.
12) Over the weekend I composed a list of things that simply MUST be done before the end of the summer. If I get a ¼ of the list done I will be happy.
13) Moment of sadness…..Susanna has moved once again. This time down to Newport News, VA. I am bereft. I will get over it….eventually.
14) Facebook continues to enthrall me. I am addicted to Bejeweled Blitz. I also made contact with yet another old high school classmate that I thought fell off the planet.
15) Since I managed to keep my weight off, I am definitely going to splurge on a new fall wardrobe which will include a winter coat.

Are we all caught up?!? Anything you want to ask me?!?!

How was your summer?

did you know....

Lee Marvin is a direct descendant of Thomas Jefferson?

Women used to go to sea with their sea-captain husbands?

Nestle has come out with a wee version of the Drumstick?

During WWII the Japanese killed/beheaded POW's not to mention any civilian(s) who they suspected might be collaboraters?

Florida is infested with Burmese pythons?

"El Luncho" is NOT the correct Spanish word for lunch?

New York Giants QB Eli Manning signed a 6-yr $97.5 million dollar contract?

Even though I lost considerable weight I am NOT a 34B? More like a 36C (in case you are interested)

My sister is coming to visit later this month?

Now, tell me something I don't know!!

I just realized....

in addition to our 15th wedding anniversary coming up at the end of the month, it has also been 15 years since I last pulled on a pair of jeans.

Sometime in the first six months of married life I put on too much weight to comfortably fit into my Levi jeans that were a staple in my college wardrobe. So I gave them up and turned to my husband's sweatpants and never looked back.

Huge mistake.

A friend of mine once told me that she never wears sweatpants for the simple reason that she won't allow herself to become that comfortable in a pair of pants.

Since I've lost some weight, I've been thinking more and more about trying out a new pair of jeans.

I just don't know what kind of jean to get.

According to Stacey and Clinton of TLC's "What Not To Wear" I should get a dark-wash, straight-legged, low waisted jean. But I need to know which brand.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

**Remember the days when you were cool if you had a pair of Jordache jeans?**

quick note

Melody, AKJ and Gillian - all three of you lovely ladies can expect a package from Nejyerf via USPS in the next couple of days.

To the rest of you, if I have promised you a package....Patience Grasshopper.

Yikes!!

I'm sorry Cory, but this does NOT make me want to visit Florida anytime soon!!!

promises

It is my solemn vow and promise to blog more this month.

I know I've been MIA.

Life has been incredibly boring and mundane lately.

My sister on the other hand.....her life took an unexpected turn when she got the shock of her life last week.

Literally.

She got hit by lightening and lived to tell about it.

How cool is that?!?!

If I ask her nicely, she might even deign to give us a first hand report on the the after effects.

whoa!!

I just found out that a girl with whom I went to high school is going to be a grandmother.

A grandmother!!!

And the really scary thing?!?! She is actually looking forward becoming a grandmother.

I refuse to believe that any of us who were born in 1972 can possibly be old enough (either mentally or physically) to be grandparents.

a needless experiment

Today I brought my laptop to work. The computer guy was supposed to come and install a new DVD drive.

He didn't show. He says he'll come tomorrow.

Rather than lug the laptop home again, I've decided to leave it at the office overnight.

I'm thinking severe withdrawal pains will hit along about 7 - 7:30.

But I'm a tough girl.

I can work through the pain.

Statement

Oh how I wish life had an undo button!!

 

 

Mental Lap Band

It seems though I have lost my blogging mo-jo or my blo-jo if you prefer.

I think I need a jumpstart.

For those of you who expressed an interest in how I dropped the weight:

1) Falldownthestairsandbreakyourleg

2) Spend two weeks in the hospital/rehab not eating hospital food

3) Spend a another month or so eating whatever food your husband makes

In addition, I also came to the realization that I am indeed a sedentary person, so why was I eating like a weightlifter?

Now this part sounds a little silly, but I was also thinking about how when people have weight loss surgery their stomach is made smaller so that they get fuller quicker and eat less. I never even considered surgery (I was after all, just overweight, not the half-ton woman) so I decided to install a mental lap band. I trained myself to do the following:

My mouth to open less.

My stomach to differentiate between true hunger pangs and cravings.

My eyes to read the label for suggested serving size

My hands to bring no more than the suggested serving to my mouth.

Slowly but surely it worked.

I still eat Oreos but only three instead of six. I still drink soda but only 8oz at a time and not every day. Vegetables are still anathema but I eat them because they are good for me.

Exercising would probably help me lose the last 25lbs I need to get down to the weight I was when I got married. But my stamina/capacity for exercise is limited. So if anybody wants to give me some good exercises I can do sitting in my chair in front of the computer, I'm willing to give it a go.

This is me as of 5/6/09:

That is Laura to my left and Cathe to my right. I'm looking pinched and unhappy because we just came out of the restaurant into the frigid (for May) rainy night.

For a reference point - this is me July 4th of 2005:

The wee bundle of baby is nephew Alex. He is a great, big boy of almost 4 now. We were watching fireworks and he slept through the whole thing. Never even flinched. Nerves of steel, he has.

Feeling pretty dang good

Last night I went out to dinner with some former colleagues, all of whom I haven’t seen in a year.

They greeted me with amazement and compliments on my weight loss.

My friend Laura told me, “Jen, you look as hot as shit!” It filled my heart with gladness and I spent the rest of the evening with a silly grin on my face.

There is nothing like getting affirmation from people who love you!!

At the end of the night, as we were departing the restaurant, my other friend Cathe hugged me good-bye and said ,“At the risk of sounding superficial, you don’t even look like yourself”. As I hugged her back, I told her that the new slightly slimmer Jen looks more like me than that puffy, bloated Jen she’s known for years.

Ask Sanna or Jess or Ginger and they will probably tell you that they barely recognize their formerly slim friend under her layers of avoirdupois.

For the record, I’ve lost approximately 35lbs.

Lupus follow-up

I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of lightness that came over me when I came home yesterday and saw that the 5 bags of clothing and miscellaneous junk was removed from my front porch. The older I get, the more I realize that I don't need all this "stuff" in my life. And as long as the Lupus organization is willing to come and pick it up I'm putting out as much as they can take away.

The thought never even crossed my mind that it might be a scam. So that either makes me very gullible or Melody and Sanna very skeptical. Either way, my stuff is gone and I'm already making a pile for the next time they come around!

lupus

A week or so ago I got a mailing from the Lupus organization. They sent me a plastic bag and asked me to fill the bag with unused clothing and other household items, then I should call or go online to lupuspickup.org and schedule a pick-up, put my bags of stuff out on my front porch by 7:30am on the given day and wait for someone from the Lupus organization to come by and pick it up.

I very nearly threw that mailing away.

birthday recap...again

This will be my final birthday recap.

When I arrived home on Thursday, I found a package waiting for me.

It was from my lovely blog-friend Melody. She sent me among other things, a bag of circus peanuts and a beautiful fabric iPod case.
Witness:



SIL Jenny also sent me a Target gift certificate. Which I'm seriously considering using to buy an iTunes gift card. And finally, Mum and Dad sent me a gift certificate for iTunes as well.

I'm thinking making gift suggestions via a blog post is definitely the way to go!

Birthday recap

I had a lovely birthday yesterday.

The day started out on a high note with an email from my best good friend Sanna. She sent me a gift certificate for iTunes.

The day only continued to get better. In the office we had Pizza Hut pizza for lunch followed by the birthday cake of my choice which was a Pepperidge Farms coconut cake. Delish.

When I arrived home after having gone to the salon for a birthday haircut I was greeted by two pots of pansies at the front steps. Tom had potted me some beautiful purple pansies.

Aunt Benita left a birthday greeting on my voice mail, I spoke to Mum and Dad and had a lengthy phone conversation with my sister.

In the mail I received a birthday card from Grandma and Grandpa Bergman with a gift certifcate for Barnes and Noble. Grandma certainly knows the way to my heart!

All in all I would say it was an excellent 37th birthday.

April 22nd - Fun for everyone

Big day today – not only is it my birthday (which I share with Jack Nicholson), but it is also Earth Day (be nice to the Earth, it’s the only one we’ve got) and Administrative Professionals Day.

In celebration of APD I’ve compiled a list of noteworthy Administrative Professionals:


Mrs. Wiggins


Miss Moneypenny - Although she worked for "M", James was her one true love.


Waylon Smithers - who secretly longs for Mr. Burns


Baldrick - dogsbody for The Black Adder




Jennifer Marlowe - Receptionist for WKRP in Cincinnati - Don't let the blonde hair fool you, she was the smartest one at the station

Who would you have picked?

Belated Easter Tidings

I spent the Easter holiday with my parents out in PA...and before those of you who live in PA start up with the whole "why didn't you come see me", we came in late Saturday and left Sunday afternoon. I wouldn't have had the time to visit each and every one of you. Maybe next time!

More importantly, I want to introduce you to "My Precious"


Isn't she a beauty? She is an early birthday present to myself.

We will be friends for life.

general announcements

We are heading into the final days of Lent.  When is over, I'll have been without soda for 40 days.  The first couple of days were very hard. I had to give up my daily Pepsi, which caused me to have massive headaches as the caffeine to which I had become addicted slowly left my body.

 

As part of Lent, in addition to giving up something that I enjoy, I'm also giving up "stuff" in my life.  Not just the clutter that seems to surround me at home, but the clutter that surrounds my heart.  I'm giving up the resentment I've been harboring towards a particular person.  It is not doing me or my marriage any good, so I'm letting it go.

 

For those of you who don't know, April in my birth month.

 

I share this month with other friends and family including but not limited to my mother and my wee niece Verna Mavis.

 

Please note that I'm not trolling for gifts or anything, but should you feel the need to show your love and affection for Nejyerf, I'm going to give you a gift idea.

 

Pay attention Mum!!

 

I would love an iTunes gift card.  As you may or may not know, I got an iPod Touch for Christmas and have been building my music library. But the iPod Touch does more than just play music. I can also download movies and TV episodes and books and music videos.   

 

Just a thought for those interested parties.

 

The time has come to pack away my winter wardrobe and bring out my spring/summer clothes.  Just in time too, considering that the pants I've been wearing all winter are a size too big.  I'm putting all of them in the Good Will bin and will think about shopping for new clothes next fall.

update on the razor blades

I checked on eBay. 

 

They are selling the razor blades for cheap. As well as the baby formula that G Love mentioned. 

 

eBay is the modern-day blackmarket.

 

I don't want to pay the ridiculous prices the stores are asking for these thin pieces of metal, nor do I want to support the thieving bastards. 

 

If only I could talk Tom into using an electric razor or growing a beard.

 

I myself would give up shaving my legs no problem.  Actually,  while we are on the subject, last time I shaved my legs was in October.  You should see them.  They look like men's legs. 

 

Oh yes, I am lovely to cuddle up to on a cold winters night!!

 

What is the longest you have gone without shaving?

razor blades

Last night I went to CVS to get Tom fresh blades for his razor. 

 

Much to my surprise and bewilderment I found that CVS keeps razor blades for the Gillette Mach3 and Mach4 and Fusion etc. under lock and key.

 

I had to get a cashier to unlock the case.

 

When I asked him why they are kept locked, he told me that people steal them.  He pointed to the empty case where the Fusion blades would normally be and said "This case was left unlocked and someone cleaned us out."

 

This begs the question "Why are people stealing razor blades?"

 

Are razor blades locked up in your neck of the woods?

 

Delurk to tell me.  I need to know.  This could keep me up nights!

dreams

If you have been following along at all with my MS related stories, you might recall that I have exceptionally vivid dreams due to the low-dose naltrexone that I've been taking.

 

Sometimes they are about strange things.  For example, I had a dream that I chased Sarah Jessica Parker down a city street and then proceeded to spank her bare bottom with her flip-flop.

 

Most often, they are sex dreams involving my husband which, as I have expressed before, are a big gyp. 

 

Last night I had a dream that involved one of the guys I work with.  In my dream he came up behind me and nuzzled my neck. In my dream I enjoyed it.

 

I awoke from this dream feeling a little naughty. 

 

The dream lingered with me all morning and when I got to work I couldn't even look him in the face.

 

We have been having very brief, stilted conversations all day. 

 

I am also stealing furtive glances over my shoulder to make sure he's not sneaking up behind me.

like, like, like,

Note: Missy....you should be getting a package today.

 

I say "like" entirely too much for a person of my advancing years.

 

Like, do you know what I mean? 

 

Like, I when I try to, like, describe something, I, like, use the word "like", like way too often.

 

You would think I'm, like a high school kid.

 

Help me!!!!

BOLO

Cory - a package for you is on the way.

 

Jenster - email me your address nejyerf@hotmail.com

 

Missy - patience grasshopper

 

Yesterday morning when I arrived at work I was greeted by an agitated co-worker. She was angry with me.  She hollered and gave me some serious attitude.  This in turn made me so very, very angry. I tossed my calculator across the desk with a vengeance and sat fuming. I plotted how I was going to confront her and tell her that she's acting like a petulant child and that if she knew what was good for her, she would not talk to me this way. 

 

(This is one of the drawbacks of working with women. They can get so bitchy.  Plus it doesn't help that she is Colombian and to further complicate things, she is NEVER wrong.  It must be exhausting being perfect all the time!!)

 

I pulled myself together and after a cooling off period, I began to put into practice my tactic for dealing with assholes.

 

I got biblical on her ass. 

 

I do a combination of the following:

 

Turning the other cheek: 

 

"That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." Matthew 5:39 (KJV)

 

and heaping coals:

 

"Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head." Romans 12:20 (KJV)

 

Some people might prefer confrontation.  But I have found that in the work place confrontation leads to hurt feelings and festering animosity. I choose to play nice. 

 

Getting biblical works every time   Seems as though the Lord knows what he is talking about.

 

If doing the above two things doesn't work for you, you can go a step further, look the angry person straight in the eye and say to them ever so earnestly "You seem to be so miserable that I'm going to pray and ask God to help you find peace in your heart".  I guarantee that talking about God in such a personal and intimate way makes most people so very uncomfortable that will abandon their beef with you and send them scurrying for the safety of their desk/cubicle, leaving you the victor.

first day of spring, my foot!!

Two nights ago it was mild enough that I was able to go out without a coat. I even heard peepers for the first time.

 

This morning, the official first day of spring, I awoke to a light dusting of snow on the ground.

 

I was not amused.

an octet of non sequiturs

Try as I might, I've never gotten the knack of using chop-sticks.

 

I've never really liked reading poetry. It makes my head hurt.

 

My all-time favorite Christmas movie is "White Christmas". I always thought Vera-Ellen looked like a Barbie doll come to life.

 

Do you think Michelle Obama has a nickname for Barack? 

 

There are personages of my acquaintance who are know-it-alls. After prolonged exposure, I just want to punch them in the mouth.

 

Did you know, Dorothy Parker was a profoundly unhappy woman with a razor tongue.  And she also had Communist leanings? 

 

For my Snyder County friends.... I can't decide which are better - peanut butter Easter eggs or coconut cream?  Dad bought me one of each from the Beavertown Fire Company.

 

My favorite quote from Beaches?  "Iris Myandowski is a hand-walking queer!"

BOLO

Sanna and Melody....be on the lookout for a package coming in the mail this week.  Sanna, yours may have already arrived.  

 

Cory and Missy.....you're up next.

 

In other news, I have discovered that if a person quits commenting on the blogs she reads faithfully and only posts sporadically on her own blog, said blog soon becomes like a ghost town. 

 

See the tumbleweeds and dust blowing in the wind?

 

Tell me to get off my lazy ass and get back to posting!!!!

 

I'm depending on you.

(un)comfortably numb

One of the symptoms of MS is numbness.

 

Both my feet are pretty numb as well my legs and somedays it travels up to my ribcage. 

 

My left hand is also numb. 

 

Numb might not be the right word for it.  Altered sensation is more accurate. 

 

Be that as it may, the numbness in my extremities is not my point for this post.

 

The real numbness seems to be an emotional one. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if, like our country, I'm going into a bit of a depression.

 

Or maybe I'm finally growing up, because I'm finding it harder and harder to get worked up about things.  Things that used to bother me just slide right off, like water off a ducks back.

 

Take the skirmish Himself and I had the other day about the breadbox.

 

Jen: "WHY, in the name of all that is holy and wise, do you leave continue to leave the bread box lid down?  Seriously.  When you are done with the bread and you put it back in the bread box, just put the lid up. Look at how simple it is to close the lid".

 

Jen (opens bread box): Open

 

Jen (closes bread box with a bang):  CLOSED

 

Jen:  Now how hard was that?

 

I must say, he took the hollering and assorted histrionics like a champ and I thought my point was made.

 

The next morning the lid was down again. And I knew in my very soul that he did it on purpose.  Just to mess with me. However, because I had expended all my anger and frustration the day before, I just shrugged off my irritation and calmly closed the bread box myself. 

 

In the past,  I would have harangued him endlessly just to prove my point.  Oh, yes I was a joy to live with!!!. 

 

But now? 

 

Now I just take a deep breath and move on.

 

Life is too short and otherwise complicated to be all het up about nothing.

 

HOWEVER.....just try drinking out of my orange mug or sleeping in my bed without my knowledge or permission!

 

That is a whole different kettle of fish!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

donuts

Even though I'm constantly jonesin' for a Pepsi I've stayed strong with my commitment of "no soda" for Lent.

 

However I did have two Dunkin Donuts today, a French cruller and a Boston Creme. One right after the other. Which left me decidedly nauseous but strangely satisfied.

 

Yesterday I sent the first of my packages out.  This one was to my mother.  Since she won't be writing in to tell us what she received, I'll let you know that I sent her an assortment of 1950's stickers and gift tags that she can use for the various crafty things she make. 

 

Who will be next to receive a gift from Jen?!?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Notes

1) I gave up Pepsi for Lent. Actually I gave up ALL carbonated beverages. It will be hard since I dearly love Pepsi.  Which is the whole point of giving up something for Lent. As a bonus, hopefully I'll able to knock off 5 more lbs!!

 

2) I have been sitting on several packages that I meant to send to people months ago.  Therefore, my pledge for the month of March is to send them out. So if your name is Sanna or Teacher Bee (if you are still reading) or Liz from Quiet in the Stacks or Melody or Betsy or sister-in-law Jenny or All Knowing Jen or Mum or even Min (email me your address at nejyerf@hotmail.com if you are interested) you'll soon be getting a package from Jen.  I promise!!!  If anybody else would like a package from Jen shoot me an email and I'll send you a little giftie, just for the hell of it!!

 

3) I've only just started reading a book about the author(s) of Nancy Drew.  I grew up reading Nancy Drew and loved her so.  I wanted to have two best friends like Bess and George and drive a low-slung roadster. 

 

4) I just finished reading the Emily of New Moon books by L.M. Montgomery.  She is just as satisfying a heroine as Anne of Green Gables.  While reading the book, there were several mentions of Emily "putting on her wraps" before going outside.  I wish we still wore wraps.  It sounds so much more romantic than putting on a coat, don't you think?

 

5) Tomorrow marks the end of February.  I am so very ready to see the back of February. I have had enough of the cold and ice and snow.  I am ready for some sun, even if it is weak, watery, blustery March sun.

Shining, gleaming, streaming, waxen, flaxen

When we were in high school, my best good friend Sanna and I both had long hair. Mine was brownish-blonde and slightly wavy. Sanna had a mass of luxuriant black, curly hair. Our friend Frank used to stroke her hair, murmuring "Your hair, your hair, your beautiful hair".

Growing up in central PA we had our choice of sports teams to root for. Either the Phildelphia teams: The Eagles and the Philles or the Pittsburgh teams: The Steelers and the Pirates. Most of the boys in our class were Eagles/Phillies fans. In an attempt to be be different, Frank was a Steelers/Pirates fan.

Troy Polomalou, Pro-bowl strong safety for the Pittsburgh Steelers also has a mass of luxuriant, black, curly hair.

Where am I going with this you ask?

I just wonder if, when Frank watches Troy make a tackle or run down the field with his locks flowing in the breeze, does he whisper to himself "his hair, his hair, his beautiful hair?"

As a bonus, watch as Troy gets tackled by his hair. He said it didn't hurt.


She asks me why
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why
Don't know
It's not for lack of bread
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short

Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself

They'll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical hair

My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me?

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Notes from NJ

1)  I hate when people do air quotes.  It makes me want to very viciously bite off and then ptui contemptuously spit the fingers at their feet .

 

2)  Tom has been waging a mighty and fierce battle with our rodent enemy in the basement.  He likens it to the Star Wars Clone Wars.  The mice just keep coming, one after another. 

 

3)  Alas, football is over.  The Pro Bowl was last night.  Now we must say goodbye to our weekly visits with Chris Berman and Tom Jackson and Coach Ditka. 

 

4)  Facebook continues to enthrall me.  Just this past weekend I reconnected with my Cousin Bob, who lives in Germany.

 

5)  Anybody else going to watch the Housewives of NYC? I can't wait for the next season!!

 

 

Tri Lambs rock!

I will sit through Revenge of the Nerds just for this

so betwixt the two, they licked the platter clean

Last week we got KFC. 

 

Original chicken and two sides – mac and cheese and coleslaw.

 

As usual, we ate in front of the TV.

 

Tom, who had imbibed several beers, became drowsy and passed out on the couch, leaving his plate of half-eaten food on the coffee table.

 

I was engrossed in a movie and wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings until I heard the unmistakable sounds of slurping. 

 

I looked over and there was our cat Althea, precariously perched on the coffee table, madly licking away at the macaroni and cheese.  I shooed her away and went back to watching my movie.

 

When the movie was finished I went to bed.

 

The next evening, while Tom and I were discussing our day, I told him how much Althea enjoyed licking the mac and cheese off his plate. 

 

A funny look came over his face as he admitted that when he woke up in the wee hours and saw his plate of food still on the coffee table he proceeded to eat the rest of his dinner, cat spit and all!!

bring on the blender and the coffee makers

My mother tells a story of how when I was no more than 3 or 4 I disappeared from the backyard. She looked everywhere for me only to discover that I was over visiting the neighbor.  He was up on a ladder, painting his house. He told my mother I was keeping him company.  In reality, he was a captive audience.  I was talking his ear off and most likely divulging family secrets.

 

Not so long ago, a co-worker made a pointed remark that I could "talk to a toaster".  He was implying that I talk too much.

 

It is true.

 

My mother calls it  "diarrhea of the mouth".

 

Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you, that at the drop of hat I can and will talk for hours on any given topic, sometimes with little or no knowledge of the subject matter.

 

The other day I was challenged with a strange phenomenon.

 

It turns out I CAN control myself and not talk to every Tom, Dick or Harry.

 

I was in a social situation, sitting next to a person with whom I couldn't even bring myself to start a civilized conversation.

 

Of course it might have more to do with the fact that a toaster has more personality than this person. 

facebook

I've been neglecting my posting duties over here at Calling Dr. Bombay in favor of the just as fascinating world of Facebook.

 

Thanks to Facebook, I've reconnected with my several of my cousins as well as an old high-school friend (Hello Ed!). 

 

I thought he had fallen off the face of the earth only to find him on Facebook. I've known Clark or "Ed" as he preferred to be called, since the 4th grade and am so glad to be back in contact with him.  Air kisses for Ed!!

 

If you really need to talk to me, come find me on Facebook and if I'm feeling particularly generous that day I just might accept you as my friend!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just call me McScrooge

Last year I took a long, hard look at my spending habits and made a conscious decision to curb my shopping.  I thought it would be difficult, since up until the time Ifelldownthestairsandbrokemyleg, I was making weekly trips to Wal-Mart where I made frivolous, impulsive purchases.

 

Turns out, recovering from a broken leg seriously hinders lengthy shopping expeditions which in turn means less money spent.  I also took sister-in-law Jenny's credo of not buying anything on credit.  If I can't pay cash I don't purchase. Even Christmas, 95% of my Christmas purchases were made online and paid for through PayPal which is directly linked to my bank account.

 

The upshot of all this thrift is that my bank account has grown very healthy and I've turned into a bit of a miser who likes to call the 1-800 number for my bank and check my account balance nearly every day.

 

And to give you fair warning, It also make me less likely to buy you pretty things for your birthday!!

 

but i loosened the lid

Sometimes an independent girl just needs a little help opening a jar of spaghetti sauce.

Do your balls hang low?

Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?

Remember a couple of months ago when I told you that Tom told me about a football player that had a staph infection that settled in his nether regions?

No?

Well he did and gullible ol' Jen fell for the story hook, line and sinker.

Turns out Tom was just yanking my chain.

So the other day when he told me about his friend who is cursed with a set of low-hanging balls I greeted the story with a great deal of scepticism.

I'm thinking that if and when I ever meet this person I simply must insist on a visual inspection.

the perfect letter

I prefer to write rather than print.

 

My little 3yr old niece Verna can print better than I.

 

Truthfully my writing is not much better, but it has greatly improved since my high school days.

 

It always affords me great satisfaction when I can make a perfect looking letter.

 

In particular the letter "J".

 

When I pen the perfect "J" I always stop for a moment to bask in the glow of a well-executed letter. 

 

Which perfect letter makes you happy? 

 

Or am I the only one who gets all giddy over something this simple?

zappos

I just wanted to take a moment out of a crazy busy day to let you know that I placed an order with Zappos.com.

 

Sanna introduced us. 

 

I am in heaven! 

 

I got 5, count them, 5 pairs of shoes. 

 

Extravagant I know, but when you consider that I've been wearing the same pair of sneakers for almost two years it evens out.

 

One pair is orange and white.

 

For anyone who is still checking out Calling Dr. Bombay, Aunt Benita asked me "What did you get for Christmas that was orange?"

 

I personally received tangerine colored and flavored lip gloss from my sister.

 

But the bigger orange thing was the orange toaster oven that I got for Tom. 

 

He has been moaning for months that we needed a toaster oven and I have been resisting.  But when I saw the orange one at jcp.com I just had to have it.