Last week Sanna and I were discussing Amy Winehouse and lamenting about how bad she looks. I told Sanna that I think Amy probably smells pretty bad. A combination of Aquanet and unwashed hair.
Yesterday I found this at the Maxim website.
THEN I read about Britney giving the Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo a lap dance?
Which leads us to the question of the week courtesy of Sanna
“I wonder what Britney smells like?”
Sanna says “marlboro lights, blowpops, car leather, cheetos and wig sweat”
Your thoughts?
And yes, I am well aware that this could quite possibly be the most shallow blog post of all time.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
if you believe in fairies then clap your hands....
Fairies:
In talking with my sister over the weekend, we discovered that we both have fairies at work in our house.
You know, the laundry fairy, the grocery fairy, the dinner fairy, the bill-paying fairy.
She is only one fairy, but does the work of many. Now that I think of it, maybe she’s not so much a fairy as a house elf. Like Dobby.
After I ranted to my husband about the abundance of fairies at work in our house, he got up Sunday morning and cleaned the bathroom, took out the garbage and vacuumed the living room.
I told you so:
On October 20, Max McGee, the Packer player who caught the first touchdown pass in the first Super Bowl game, died after falling off his roof.
What is NOT reported in this article, but what I am 100% sure happened, is that Mr. McGee’s wife told him NOT to go up on the roof to blow leaves. I pointed out to my husband, “this is what happens when you don’t listen to your wife!!”
Music:
I bought the Robert Plant/Alison Krauss CD that I told you about months ago. It's EXCELLENT. Is it wrong to tell you that I'll burn you a copy if you want?
Weather:
We've had the freakiest weather this past weekend. On Saturday it was wet and rainy and warm. On Sunday it was cold. And this morning there was the merest suggestion of frost on my car.
Christmas gifts:
I've been looking for black bath towels. Do you KNOW how hard it is to find good quality black bath towels? I'll tell you. It's VERY hard. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
In talking with my sister over the weekend, we discovered that we both have fairies at work in our house.
You know, the laundry fairy, the grocery fairy, the dinner fairy, the bill-paying fairy.
She is only one fairy, but does the work of many. Now that I think of it, maybe she’s not so much a fairy as a house elf. Like Dobby.
After I ranted to my husband about the abundance of fairies at work in our house, he got up Sunday morning and cleaned the bathroom, took out the garbage and vacuumed the living room.
I told you so:
On October 20, Max McGee, the Packer player who caught the first touchdown pass in the first Super Bowl game, died after falling off his roof.
What is NOT reported in this article, but what I am 100% sure happened, is that Mr. McGee’s wife told him NOT to go up on the roof to blow leaves. I pointed out to my husband, “this is what happens when you don’t listen to your wife!!”
Music:
I bought the Robert Plant/Alison Krauss CD that I told you about months ago. It's EXCELLENT. Is it wrong to tell you that I'll burn you a copy if you want?
Weather:
We've had the freakiest weather this past weekend. On Saturday it was wet and rainy and warm. On Sunday it was cold. And this morning there was the merest suggestion of frost on my car.
Christmas gifts:
I've been looking for black bath towels. Do you KNOW how hard it is to find good quality black bath towels? I'll tell you. It's VERY hard. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Friday, October 26, 2007
zach attacks, happy balls and comments
I’ve decided….every Friday we’ll have a Zach Attack.
I’m going to swipe the pictures from my sister-in-law’s website. I swiped the name “Zach Attack” from her as well.
Here’s the first installment. In this photo, big brother is showing little brother the owl he made at daycare.
In other news: my lunch today was from Wingman. I had the chicken strips and fries. I offer a half-hearted “CHALLENGE” since it really wasn’t all that good. Although the Bar-B-Que dipping sauce was excellent.
I got a package in the mail Wednesday. It came all the way from Louisville, KY. Inside were two specialties of Louisville. The first was a box of Happy Balls and the second was a great big cookie with pecans from Kizito Cookies. The cookie was so big I was able to stretch it out for two days.
These lovely gifties came from Melody. She was a satisfied recipient of the Krimpet offer of 2007 and wanted to respond in kind. Now she is my new best friend. See how easily you can win my love? Just send me cookies and candy and I’m yours for eternity or until something newer and sweeter comes along.
FYI - this weekend the New York Football Giants are crossing the pond and will be playing the Miami Dolphins in London, baby! The Dolphins are currently 0-7. I’m predicting an easy win for the Giants.
Has anybody tried the Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash? Should I get it or not? Please advise.
Are you all using that new feature of subscribing to comments that blogger is offering? It's a genius idea. I've always been hesitant about responding to comments left because I wasn't sure if people actually wanted to come back and review the comments. But now that they are doing this new thing. I think I WILL comment on your comments.
I’m going to swipe the pictures from my sister-in-law’s website. I swiped the name “Zach Attack” from her as well.
Here’s the first installment. In this photo, big brother is showing little brother the owl he made at daycare.
In other news: my lunch today was from Wingman. I had the chicken strips and fries. I offer a half-hearted “CHALLENGE” since it really wasn’t all that good. Although the Bar-B-Que dipping sauce was excellent.
I got a package in the mail Wednesday. It came all the way from Louisville, KY. Inside were two specialties of Louisville. The first was a box of Happy Balls and the second was a great big cookie with pecans from Kizito Cookies. The cookie was so big I was able to stretch it out for two days.
These lovely gifties came from Melody. She was a satisfied recipient of the Krimpet offer of 2007 and wanted to respond in kind. Now she is my new best friend. See how easily you can win my love? Just send me cookies and candy and I’m yours for eternity or until something newer and sweeter comes along.
FYI - this weekend the New York Football Giants are crossing the pond and will be playing the Miami Dolphins in London, baby! The Dolphins are currently 0-7. I’m predicting an easy win for the Giants.
Has anybody tried the Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash? Should I get it or not? Please advise.
Are you all using that new feature of subscribing to comments that blogger is offering? It's a genius idea. I've always been hesitant about responding to comments left because I wasn't sure if people actually wanted to come back and review the comments. But now that they are doing this new thing. I think I WILL comment on your comments.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
mid-week thoughts
1) In my never-ending quest for all things orange, I found this:
Its got tangerine, lemon grass and aloe. Now my head smells like a giant tangerine.
2) Have I told you about my grand plan to buy at least one Christmas present a week? No? I’ll tell you now. The idea is to buy at least one Christmas present per week right up until the week before Christmas. Then all that will be left to do is a mad flurry of wrapping. So far it’s been working. I’m building up a quite a nice stash in the guest bedroom. Now I just need to pick out Christmas cards. Seriously. I'm going to be organized this year if it frickin' kills me.
3) How many Anne of Green Gables fans do we have in the audience? Raise your hands. C'mon, don't be shy. Our numbers are legion and we always welcome new members. My mother, also a fan, emailed me this the other day. I'm not totally on board with the idea. I think they should leave well enough alone. Thoughts?
4)The state of California is evacuating people near the fires that are raging out of control. This makes me stop and think "if i were evacuated from my home with the expectation of coming back and finding my house burnt to a crisp, what would i take with me". Aside from the cats and important papers, that is. Would I take all the photo albums? or as many of my books as possible? or the movies we've collected over the years? or the the artwork that i so painstakingly chose and had framed? or the christmas cactus that i've nurtured and babied along for years? or the mixing bowls i inherited from my grandmother? i know these are all material things. things i could live without but still.....
What would you take with you?
5) True confession time: Last night, as I was driving home from work, I was noshing on chedder cheese combos (the cracker kind not the pretzel). I put the bag in my lap and was eating and driving. Then I remembered I wanted to get gas before I went home, so I made a hard right into the gas station and the bag of combos slid off my lap and spilled onto the floor. After parking the car next to the gas pump and telling the lovely russian man to "fill it up regular", i unhooked the seatbelt and bent over to inspect the damage. Only 6 combos had escaped the bag and were lying on the floor mat. So I scooped them up and ate them. The lady in the white explorer next to me was staring at me with a mixture of fascination and repulsion on her face. I just looked at her blankly and continued eating combos, this time from the bag. Eating food off the floor mat is gross I know, but what do you do when you think no one is looking??
Its got tangerine, lemon grass and aloe. Now my head smells like a giant tangerine.
2) Have I told you about my grand plan to buy at least one Christmas present a week? No? I’ll tell you now. The idea is to buy at least one Christmas present per week right up until the week before Christmas. Then all that will be left to do is a mad flurry of wrapping. So far it’s been working. I’m building up a quite a nice stash in the guest bedroom. Now I just need to pick out Christmas cards. Seriously. I'm going to be organized this year if it frickin' kills me.
3) How many Anne of Green Gables fans do we have in the audience? Raise your hands. C'mon, don't be shy. Our numbers are legion and we always welcome new members. My mother, also a fan, emailed me this the other day. I'm not totally on board with the idea. I think they should leave well enough alone. Thoughts?
4)The state of California is evacuating people near the fires that are raging out of control. This makes me stop and think "if i were evacuated from my home with the expectation of coming back and finding my house burnt to a crisp, what would i take with me". Aside from the cats and important papers, that is. Would I take all the photo albums? or as many of my books as possible? or the movies we've collected over the years? or the the artwork that i so painstakingly chose and had framed? or the christmas cactus that i've nurtured and babied along for years? or the mixing bowls i inherited from my grandmother? i know these are all material things. things i could live without but still.....
What would you take with you?
5) True confession time: Last night, as I was driving home from work, I was noshing on chedder cheese combos (the cracker kind not the pretzel). I put the bag in my lap and was eating and driving. Then I remembered I wanted to get gas before I went home, so I made a hard right into the gas station and the bag of combos slid off my lap and spilled onto the floor. After parking the car next to the gas pump and telling the lovely russian man to "fill it up regular", i unhooked the seatbelt and bent over to inspect the damage. Only 6 combos had escaped the bag and were lying on the floor mat. So I scooped them up and ate them. The lady in the white explorer next to me was staring at me with a mixture of fascination and repulsion on her face. I just looked at her blankly and continued eating combos, this time from the bag. Eating food off the floor mat is gross I know, but what do you do when you think no one is looking??
Friday, October 19, 2007
welcome zach
On Sunday morning, my sister-in-law and her husband welcomed their second son into the world.
Behold the beauty that is Zachary Willard Webb:
Behold the beauty that is Zachary Willard Webb:
Zach's big brother Alex came to the hospital to meet him. Look how gently he is reaching out to touch his baby brother. Look how tightly he's holding on to his granddad's finger. From what I understand, Alex is still quite firm in his conviction that he will not be sharing his Thomas the Tank train with Zach any time soon!!
Uncle Tom was singularly impressed with the fact that of all the football Sundays Zach could have been born on, he chose last Sunday, which was the Colts' bye week. The Webb's are from IN and by default are Colts fans, although I suspect that Mama Webb secretly roots for the Giants since she is and always will be a Jersey girl.
We will get to meet Zach at Christmastime when he and his big brother and parents will drive out to NJ. At which time Aunt Jen will once again have to supress those urges to run right home and get pregnant!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
you are what you eat
Internet Reporter: Good afternoon, denizens of the Internet World, we are coming to you live from Jen's cubicle where we are about to discover what Jen had for lunch today. As you may recall, Jen and her best good friend Sanna often engage in lunch challenges.
Today we went first to Sanna's office where we learned that for lunch she had the following:
an italian hoagie, well packaged, generous with the lettuce, THREE slices of tomato, wrapped in plastic and placed inside a 12 inch, soft white hoagie roll, from a united way sale. very good salami, good cheese, 2 mayo packets, 2 mustard, AND a tiny little travel cup of red pepper sauce that NO ONE ever gives out anymore
Now on to our live interview:
Internet Reporter: Good afternoon, Jen. It's nice to see you again. The last time we spoke you had just killed a snake. Anymore instances of snake killing to report?
Jen: Hello Internet Reporter, I am pleased to tell you that my house/bedroom has been snake free for quite some time. But I'd really rather not speak of that since snakes give me the willies.
IR: Moving on then, we just came from the offices of your best good friend Sanna and she has thrown down the "Lunch Challenge" gauntlet. What did you have for lunch today? The Internet World wants to know.
Jen: I'm so glad you asked me, Internet Reporter, I had sweet and sour chicken with pork fried rice from "The China King - we deliver". CHALLENGE!!
IR: Sounds good but a trifle ordinary. Not impressive enough to win the "Lunch Challenge". What did you have for lunch yesterday?
Jen: Yesterday, I had sweet and sour chicken with pork fried rice from "The China King - we deliver".
IR: Nope, I'm afraid Sanna is still in the lead. How about dinner? What new and exciting meal did you concoct for dinner last night?
Jen: Ah, dinner. For dinner I mixed it up a little and had chicken and broccoli, green beans and white rice.
Jen: From the Chinese Buffet.
IR: !!!!
Jen: My husband came home from work last night and suggested we go out to eat. To the Chinese Buffet. And even though I had Chinese for lunch I said "yes, let's go"
Because if there is one thing I've learned in 13 years of marriage, it's to jump at the chance to go out to dinner!!
IR: Ah so.
IR: It looks like Sanna is the clear winner, and if we are to believe that old adage "you are what you eat", then you must be Chinese!!
Jen: 是蠢貨!
Jen: 早晨好對
Jen: 我將有您下次, Sanna!
IR: Until next time, this has been the lunchtime edition of Internet Reporter Interviews: Chinese Jen
Today we went first to Sanna's office where we learned that for lunch she had the following:
an italian hoagie, well packaged, generous with the lettuce, THREE slices of tomato, wrapped in plastic and placed inside a 12 inch, soft white hoagie roll, from a united way sale. very good salami, good cheese, 2 mayo packets, 2 mustard, AND a tiny little travel cup of red pepper sauce that NO ONE ever gives out anymore
Now on to our live interview:
Internet Reporter: Good afternoon, Jen. It's nice to see you again. The last time we spoke you had just killed a snake. Anymore instances of snake killing to report?
Jen: Hello Internet Reporter, I am pleased to tell you that my house/bedroom has been snake free for quite some time. But I'd really rather not speak of that since snakes give me the willies.
IR: Moving on then, we just came from the offices of your best good friend Sanna and she has thrown down the "Lunch Challenge" gauntlet. What did you have for lunch today? The Internet World wants to know.
Jen: I'm so glad you asked me, Internet Reporter, I had sweet and sour chicken with pork fried rice from "The China King - we deliver". CHALLENGE!!
IR: Sounds good but a trifle ordinary. Not impressive enough to win the "Lunch Challenge". What did you have for lunch yesterday?
Jen: Yesterday, I had sweet and sour chicken with pork fried rice from "The China King - we deliver".
IR: Nope, I'm afraid Sanna is still in the lead. How about dinner? What new and exciting meal did you concoct for dinner last night?
Jen: Ah, dinner. For dinner I mixed it up a little and had chicken and broccoli, green beans and white rice.
Jen: From the Chinese Buffet.
IR: !!!!
Jen: My husband came home from work last night and suggested we go out to eat. To the Chinese Buffet. And even though I had Chinese for lunch I said "yes, let's go"
Because if there is one thing I've learned in 13 years of marriage, it's to jump at the chance to go out to dinner!!
IR: Ah so.
IR: It looks like Sanna is the clear winner, and if we are to believe that old adage "you are what you eat", then you must be Chinese!!
Jen: 是蠢貨!
Jen: 早晨好對
Jen: 我將有您下次, Sanna!
IR: Until next time, this has been the lunchtime edition of Internet Reporter Interviews: Chinese Jen
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
this tong's for you
I've gone global!
Tales of the exploits of Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer have reached such epic proportions that even our friends in Italy have heard of them!
I received an email from Andrea = Andrew from somewhere in Italy, who says he read my snake killing story and that it reminded him of a painting he did. He sent me a copy of the picture.
The picture has the two things I fear most in life: snakes and bare feet. It made me shiver.
But I can appreciate the artistry.
I received an email from Andrea = Andrew from somewhere in Italy, who says he read my snake killing story and that it reminded him of a painting he did. He sent me a copy of the picture.
The picture has the two things I fear most in life: snakes and bare feet. It made me shiver.
But I can appreciate the artistry.
Maybe this post will encourage Andrea to start his own blog that will feature more of his art? He says he's done many drawings dedicated to the theme of women defeating snakes.
When I told Andrea that bare feet creep me out, he pointed out that the brave woman in this picture actually defeated her snake while wearing fabulous sandals with a pearl strap.
You will recall that I vanquished my snake with a pair of 9" Oxo kitchen tongs. I'd like to see that picture!!
Speaking of tongs, last night I found a giant, horking spider lurking on the kitchen counter (Lord only knows what dark hidey-hole he crawled out of) and being in the kitchen I reached for the utensil container, whipped out my trusty tongs and plucked that spider off the counter and dropped him to his death in the sink.
You read that right
I drowned a hapless spider. But I would like to once again point out that HE invaded MY space.
And all creepy, crawly things that invade my space must meet an untimely end.
It's the law of the land at Jen The Giant Snake Killer's house.
What would YOU have done, you big sissies? Gone screaming into the night?
That's right I called you a sissy. What are you going to do about it?
I am after all, Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer, and I will tong you to your death if you cross me!!
Friday, October 12, 2007
to sum up
1) Krimpets have gone out to those that requested them. I apologize in advance if they are squished. But even squished Krimpets are good.
2) I have a begonia that I left for dead this summer. It has miraculously come back to life and is blooming like mad. I will post a picture on Monday.
3) When I went out to check on my miraculous begonia the other day I found the lifeless body of a wee mouse lying next to it. I believe this was the very same mouse that I rescued from the rapacious jaws of Althea the cat the day before. She brought it into the house. I demanded that she release it at once. She dropped the poor thing on the floor and I picked it up and put it outside. I guess she must have tracked it down.
4) If you are wondering how our cats bring wee beasties into the house, I’ll tell you. The sliding screen door has a hole in it big enough to allow the cats to come in and out. Not to mention the occasional neighborhood raccoon. Why don’t we fix it you ask? Because I would rather not spend my days as a doorman for our cats.
5) We call have our favorite cheesy movies that we watch every time they come on for me it’s Baby Boom, Overboard and Troop Beverly Hills, just to name three. For my husband, it’s Guarding Tess. And oddly enough, the other night, I came home to find him watching Hello, Dolly. What are your favorite cheesy movies?
6)Has anybody ever seen The All-Nighter? With Joan Cusak and the chick from The Bangles? Or how about Where the Heart Is? With Uma Thurman and Dabney Coleman? Am I the only person who has seen these movies and liked them?
7) And finally, do you know what happens to a person who shovels candy corn down their gaping maw all week???? They get blemishes. Like a teenager. I’ve got a big honkin’ one on my chin and is red and painful. It needs a hot compress.
2) I have a begonia that I left for dead this summer. It has miraculously come back to life and is blooming like mad. I will post a picture on Monday.
3) When I went out to check on my miraculous begonia the other day I found the lifeless body of a wee mouse lying next to it. I believe this was the very same mouse that I rescued from the rapacious jaws of Althea the cat the day before. She brought it into the house. I demanded that she release it at once. She dropped the poor thing on the floor and I picked it up and put it outside. I guess she must have tracked it down.
4) If you are wondering how our cats bring wee beasties into the house, I’ll tell you. The sliding screen door has a hole in it big enough to allow the cats to come in and out. Not to mention the occasional neighborhood raccoon. Why don’t we fix it you ask? Because I would rather not spend my days as a doorman for our cats.
5) We call have our favorite cheesy movies that we watch every time they come on for me it’s Baby Boom, Overboard and Troop Beverly Hills, just to name three. For my husband, it’s Guarding Tess. And oddly enough, the other night, I came home to find him watching Hello, Dolly. What are your favorite cheesy movies?
6)Has anybody ever seen The All-Nighter? With Joan Cusak and the chick from The Bangles? Or how about Where the Heart Is? With Uma Thurman and Dabney Coleman? Am I the only person who has seen these movies and liked them?
7) And finally, do you know what happens to a person who shovels candy corn down their gaping maw all week???? They get blemishes. Like a teenager. I’ve got a big honkin’ one on my chin and is red and painful. It needs a hot compress.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
double-chin and muffin-top want to speak
If you think Thunder-thighs and Bubble Butt are ungrateful, then you REALLY don’t want to know what Double-chin and Muffin-top have to say about form-fitting turtleneck sweaters!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
to jen, with love
Dear Jen,
You are NEVER going to look good in a pencil skirt.
As such, we would appreciate if you would quit trying to stuff us into one.
You’re not Angelina Jolie going to pick-up Maddox from school, so quit trying. It’s just not going to happen.
Yours truly,
Thunder- thighs and bubble-butt.
PS: The ankles liked the cute red shoes you tried on the other day though. They said they never felt so trim and slim.
You are NEVER going to look good in a pencil skirt.
As such, we would appreciate if you would quit trying to stuff us into one.
You’re not Angelina Jolie going to pick-up Maddox from school, so quit trying. It’s just not going to happen.
Yours truly,
Thunder- thighs and bubble-butt.
PS: The ankles liked the cute red shoes you tried on the other day though. They said they never felt so trim and slim.
Friday, October 05, 2007
if i were....
If I were an hour of the day I would be… cocktail hour
If I were a planet I would be… Jupiter
If I were a direction I would be….this end up
If I were a piece of furniture I would be…an overstuffed chintz chair
If I were a liquid I would be….courage
If I were a sin I would be….found out
If I were a tree I would be …leafy
If I were a fruit I would be….juicy
If I were a climate I would be…dry
If I were a musical instrument I would be…out of tune
If I were an element I would be….an element of surprise
If I were a color I would be …..outside the lines
If I were an animal I would be….a porcupine..fat and prickly
If I were music I would be….muzak playing in the elevator of you mind
If I were a music style I would be….baroque
If I were a feeling I would be…..justifiable
If I were a book I would be….a paperback with a bookmark...ALWAYS a bookmark
If I were a food I would be….enjoyed with gusto
If I were a place I would be….a safe haven
If I were a flavor I would be…. rich and fruity with a generous amount of smoky oak
If I were a scent I would be…the smell of victory
If I were a word I would be….law. As in Jen’s word is “law”
If I were a verb I would be….modified by an adverb
If I were an object I would be…..adored
If I were a part of the body I would be….tanned and toned
If I were a facial expression I would be….poker faced
If I were a cartoon character I would be…. crudely drawn
If I were a movie I would be….foreign, with subtitles
If I were a shape I would be….pear shaped
If I were a number I would be…4
If I were a season I would be….hurricane season
If I were a sentence I would be….
“All good things must come to an end”
If I were a planet I would be… Jupiter
If I were a direction I would be….this end up
If I were a piece of furniture I would be…an overstuffed chintz chair
If I were a liquid I would be….courage
If I were a sin I would be….found out
If I were a tree I would be …leafy
If I were a fruit I would be….juicy
If I were a climate I would be…dry
If I were a musical instrument I would be…out of tune
If I were an element I would be….an element of surprise
If I were a color I would be …..outside the lines
If I were an animal I would be….a porcupine..fat and prickly
If I were music I would be….muzak playing in the elevator of you mind
If I were a music style I would be….baroque
If I were a feeling I would be…..justifiable
If I were a book I would be….a paperback with a bookmark...ALWAYS a bookmark
If I were a food I would be….enjoyed with gusto
If I were a place I would be….a safe haven
If I were a flavor I would be…. rich and fruity with a generous amount of smoky oak
If I were a scent I would be…the smell of victory
If I were a word I would be….law. As in Jen’s word is “law”
If I were a verb I would be….modified by an adverb
If I were an object I would be…..adored
If I were a part of the body I would be….tanned and toned
If I were a facial expression I would be….poker faced
If I were a cartoon character I would be…. crudely drawn
If I were a movie I would be….foreign, with subtitles
If I were a shape I would be….pear shaped
If I were a number I would be…4
If I were a season I would be….hurricane season
If I were a sentence I would be….
“All good things must come to an end”
Thursday, October 04, 2007
all things sweet
today i've very nearly eaten my weight in candy corn.
i am offically entering into the fat and bloated stage.
that is all.
i am offically entering into the fat and bloated stage.
that is all.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
jen fall down, go BOOM
Two weeks ago, as I was negotiating up my treacherous front steps, I lost my balance and fell down and grievously injured my right ham hock, not to mention scraping up my right elbow.
Here is pictorial evidence (I wore my new Hanes Her Way underwear for the picture).
Here is pictorial evidence (I wore my new Hanes Her Way underwear for the picture).
I was going to post weekly pictures of the fading bruise but I didn’t know if you all could stand the excitement of repeatedly seeing me in my skivvies!!
I didn’t take a picture of the elbow, just know that it is healing nicely.
As a sign that it is healing, it itches like mad.
In the meantime, I’m resisting the urge to pick the scab. I’m waiting for it to fall off naturally.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Last call
This is your last chance for Krimpets. If you still want to try them ....email me at nejyerf@hotmail.com
For all of those who responded to my offer….just to give you a heads up….I’m real good on promising packages, but bad on sending them out in a timely manner. But I’ll do my level best.
I hope when you get your Krimpet that it is everything you thought it would be.
Tastykake should give me a commission!!
And since I’m all about snack love this week….. NJaney, if you are reading this….I DO have a cheesy salty snack for you. Email me your address and I’ll send a package out to you.
Oh and before I forget…..last week we ordered the Domino’s Oreo pizza.
Bad mistake.
It tasted like cardboard. I was SO very disappointed.
I soothed my injured tastebuds with real Oreos with the orange icing.
For all of those who responded to my offer….just to give you a heads up….I’m real good on promising packages, but bad on sending them out in a timely manner. But I’ll do my level best.
I hope when you get your Krimpet that it is everything you thought it would be.
Tastykake should give me a commission!!
And since I’m all about snack love this week….. NJaney, if you are reading this….I DO have a cheesy salty snack for you. Email me your address and I’ll send a package out to you.
Oh and before I forget…..last week we ordered the Domino’s Oreo pizza.
Bad mistake.
It tasted like cardboard. I was SO very disappointed.
I soothed my injured tastebuds with real Oreos with the orange icing.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
one time offer
I am happy to report that there have been no recent incidences of animals both dead or alive in my home since last week.
I believe the squirrel was brought into the house as a protest against the current cat food.
Tom has switched up the cat food from Science Diet to Iams and the cats are unhappy and aren’t afraid to show it.
At long last I am going to introduce the uninitiated to the lovely snack known as the Krimpet. A Tale of a Tastykake Original In the summer of 1927, Tastykake bakers developed a recipe for a new finger-sized snack cake. The new cake tasted delicious but it fell apart when the bakers picked it up. To solve this problem, the baking tins were “krimped” to produce a cake that was easier to hold,and the rest is history.
Quick story:
Growing up in central Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia Phillies were the team to root for.
I don’t mention this to my husband especially since right now the Mets and the Phillies are neck and neck in the pennant race.
My dad used to watch the games on TV but listen to Harry Callas call the game on the radio. Inextricably entwined are the memories of summer evenings listening to Harry say, in his made for radio voice “struck him out” followed by the commercial for TastyKake.
“Nobody bakes a cake as tasty as a tastykake (tastykake)”
I wish I could find the jingle for you hear. It was such an innocuous little jingle and yet I remember it to this day.
If you read Janet Evanovich, Stephanie Plum often eats butterscotch Krimpet’s after a hard day’s bounty hunting.
So here’s my offer….if you too would like to try the butterscotchy, sponge cakiness that is a Krimpet, I will be more than happy to send you a sample.
Just email me your address to nejyerf@hotmail.com and I will send a package out to you.
Because I honestly don’t think that you should go through life not knowing what a Krimpet tastes like.
If you DON’T want a Krimpet (and really who doesn’t) but still would like a note from Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer email your address anyway and I’ll send you some love.
I believe the squirrel was brought into the house as a protest against the current cat food.
Tom has switched up the cat food from Science Diet to Iams and the cats are unhappy and aren’t afraid to show it.
At long last I am going to introduce the uninitiated to the lovely snack known as the Krimpet. A Tale of a Tastykake Original In the summer of 1927, Tastykake bakers developed a recipe for a new finger-sized snack cake. The new cake tasted delicious but it fell apart when the bakers picked it up. To solve this problem, the baking tins were “krimped” to produce a cake that was easier to hold,and the rest is history.
Quick story:
Growing up in central Pennsylvania, the Philadelphia Phillies were the team to root for.
I don’t mention this to my husband especially since right now the Mets and the Phillies are neck and neck in the pennant race.
My dad used to watch the games on TV but listen to Harry Callas call the game on the radio. Inextricably entwined are the memories of summer evenings listening to Harry say, in his made for radio voice “struck him out” followed by the commercial for TastyKake.
“Nobody bakes a cake as tasty as a tastykake (tastykake)”
I wish I could find the jingle for you hear. It was such an innocuous little jingle and yet I remember it to this day.
If you read Janet Evanovich, Stephanie Plum often eats butterscotch Krimpet’s after a hard day’s bounty hunting.
So here’s my offer….if you too would like to try the butterscotchy, sponge cakiness that is a Krimpet, I will be more than happy to send you a sample.
Just email me your address to nejyerf@hotmail.com and I will send a package out to you.
Because I honestly don’t think that you should go through life not knowing what a Krimpet tastes like.
If you DON’T want a Krimpet (and really who doesn’t) but still would like a note from Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer email your address anyway and I’ll send you some love.
Friday, September 21, 2007
it's animal kingdom up in here
Happy Friday to me.
This morning I was awakened by my husband’s panicked cry of, “SHIT, I’m going to be late, the cats’ didn’t wake me”
Apparently, the cats come in and wake him up every morning.
But not today.
Today they were too busy stalking and killing Mr. Grey Squirrel.
And I know this because when I went downstairs this morning, I was treated to the sight of the limp, lifeless form of a dead squirrel lying on my living room floor. And if that’s not bad enough, next to it was an unsightly lump of cat vomit.
I’m not exactly sure why there was vomit.
Did the cats’ try to eat their prey and found that raw squirrel this early in the morning too rough on their delicate, Iams fed palates?
Or did they vomit after the excitement of the kill?
In any event, I was simply too aggravated with our worthless cats and quite frankly a bit skeeved out to pick up the dead beastie.
So I left all evidence of the carnage behind and went to work.
Tom will take care of it when he gets home.
I know, I know, Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer, overcome by a dead squirrel and a little cat vomit. She's not so fearless after all.
My only consolation is that they didn’t take their victim and hide it under the bed to rot like they did with the mouse.
Onward and upwards my friends, onward and upwards.
This morning I was awakened by my husband’s panicked cry of, “SHIT, I’m going to be late, the cats’ didn’t wake me”
Apparently, the cats come in and wake him up every morning.
But not today.
Today they were too busy stalking and killing Mr. Grey Squirrel.
And I know this because when I went downstairs this morning, I was treated to the sight of the limp, lifeless form of a dead squirrel lying on my living room floor. And if that’s not bad enough, next to it was an unsightly lump of cat vomit.
I’m not exactly sure why there was vomit.
Did the cats’ try to eat their prey and found that raw squirrel this early in the morning too rough on their delicate, Iams fed palates?
Or did they vomit after the excitement of the kill?
In any event, I was simply too aggravated with our worthless cats and quite frankly a bit skeeved out to pick up the dead beastie.
So I left all evidence of the carnage behind and went to work.
Tom will take care of it when he gets home.
I know, I know, Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer, overcome by a dead squirrel and a little cat vomit. She's not so fearless after all.
My only consolation is that they didn’t take their victim and hide it under the bed to rot like they did with the mouse.
Onward and upwards my friends, onward and upwards.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
time for a tag
It's hump day and as such, I'm going to do a tag:
I usually avoid tags like the plague, but Dana appealed to my vanity by complimenting my writing, so the very least I can do is reciprocate by doing the tag.
Luckily, this is one of those tags that forces a person to admit strange things about themselves.
So here goes, prepare to be shocked, awed, disgusted, repelled and yet strangely attracted….
Eight random facts/habits about me.
1) I like murder mystery books. The more gore the better. I used to like romance novels, but over the course of 13 years of married life, my eyes have been opened and I have realized that the definition of love and romance is being able to read your murder mystery book in solitude while your true love is downstairs watching football.
2) I like to pluck errant chin hairs. As a matter of fact, right now I'm sitting at my computer, plucking away between sentences.
3) I clip my toe-nails while sitting on the edge of the bed. Which in turn, means that
I will have occasion to remove a toe-nail clipping that has become embedded in the sole of my bare foot.
4) Sometimes when I tell someone they are in my prayers, I never really pray for them. I just say it to be nice at the time. I’m thinking I 'm going to hell for this one.
5) I haven't worn my engagement and wedding rings in years. My fingers got too fat and I didn't think I would ever get them off again. Then I lost a little weight and with copious amounts of hand lotion,I managed to get them off. Why don't I get them made bigger you ask? Probably for the same reason why I'm keeping a pair of size 8 jeans from college....because some day I'm going to fit into them again. Don't laugh...it COULD happen.
6) I don't like vegetables. Never have, never will. Raw carrots and celery makes my lips get all tingly and puffy and I start to wheeze if i eat too many of them. Peeling potatoes also makes me sneeze and wheeze. Why oh why couldn't I be allergic to oreos and butterscotch krimpets?
7) The last time I wore make-up was in May when I went to my sister-in-law's college graduation. Please refer to below photo.
8) I think I suffer from reverse anorexia, I put on an outfit and think to myself, you're looking pretty svelte in this outfit. But a picture is worth a thousand words. Please refer again to picture to the right. I'm having my picture taken, the least I could have done was suck in the gut don't you think?
I usually avoid tags like the plague, but Dana appealed to my vanity by complimenting my writing, so the very least I can do is reciprocate by doing the tag.
Luckily, this is one of those tags that forces a person to admit strange things about themselves.
So here goes, prepare to be shocked, awed, disgusted, repelled and yet strangely attracted….
Eight random facts/habits about me.
1) I like murder mystery books. The more gore the better. I used to like romance novels, but over the course of 13 years of married life, my eyes have been opened and I have realized that the definition of love and romance is being able to read your murder mystery book in solitude while your true love is downstairs watching football.
2) I like to pluck errant chin hairs. As a matter of fact, right now I'm sitting at my computer, plucking away between sentences.
3) I clip my toe-nails while sitting on the edge of the bed. Which in turn, means that
I will have occasion to remove a toe-nail clipping that has become embedded in the sole of my bare foot.
4) Sometimes when I tell someone they are in my prayers, I never really pray for them. I just say it to be nice at the time. I’m thinking I 'm going to hell for this one.
5) I haven't worn my engagement and wedding rings in years. My fingers got too fat and I didn't think I would ever get them off again. Then I lost a little weight and with copious amounts of hand lotion,I managed to get them off. Why don't I get them made bigger you ask? Probably for the same reason why I'm keeping a pair of size 8 jeans from college....because some day I'm going to fit into them again. Don't laugh...it COULD happen.
6) I don't like vegetables. Never have, never will. Raw carrots and celery makes my lips get all tingly and puffy and I start to wheeze if i eat too many of them. Peeling potatoes also makes me sneeze and wheeze. Why oh why couldn't I be allergic to oreos and butterscotch krimpets?
7) The last time I wore make-up was in May when I went to my sister-in-law's college graduation. Please refer to below photo.
8) I think I suffer from reverse anorexia, I put on an outfit and think to myself, you're looking pretty svelte in this outfit. But a picture is worth a thousand words. Please refer again to picture to the right. I'm having my picture taken, the least I could have done was suck in the gut don't you think?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I wanna be great like elvis but without the tassels....
I don’t like Nickelback.
There, I said it.
So sue me.
I think they are hacks.
Having said that, I LOVE their “Rockstar” song.
I listen to it repeatedly. Volume turned up as loud as I dare in my cubicle. Bobbing my head in time to the beat, like a geek.
“hey, hey I wanna be a rockstar”
There, I said it.
So sue me.
I think they are hacks.
Having said that, I LOVE their “Rockstar” song.
I listen to it repeatedly. Volume turned up as loud as I dare in my cubicle. Bobbing my head in time to the beat, like a geek.
“hey, hey I wanna be a rockstar”
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
barbara walters eat your heart out
The following is an interview held earlier this morning (in my head):
Internet Reporter: Good morning fellow Internets, I’m sitting here with Jen, The Giant Fearless Snake Killer.
IR: Good morning Jen, The Giant Fearless Snake Killer. Exactly how did you come by this name? There is some speculation that you didn't actually kill the snake that you found in your bedroom.
Jen: That is a completely false allegation. While I didn’t kill the snake with my bare hands, I most certainly did let him sit out in the hot sun and bake. And before you ask, I did NOT eat him. That was an attempt at humor
IR: I understand that you had a run-in with yet another of our outdoor friends?
Jen: Yes!! This morning I captured and released a wee frog that had mistakenly hopped into our living room. Little did he know that he wandered into the domain of Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer.
IR: Surely you jest!?
Jen: Nope, I assure you that I do not take matters of amphibian home invasion lightly
IR: How did this frog get into your house?
Jen: That matter is under investigation. We have two suspects, who we believe may have been accomplices in allowing the frog to enter the domicile. [Dig me and my cop-speak. Too many hours watching Law & Order!]
IR: Are you at all concerned that PETA may bring you under investigation for the unwarranted cruelty to animals in regards to your leaving the snake in the sun to die a brutal and unnecessary death?
Jen: PETA can kiss my ass. THEY didn't have a snake invade the sanctity of their bedroom at 7:30 in the morning.
IR: This whole story has made me shiver and the thought of eating a snake makes me gag.
Jen: Then my work here is done.
IR: Thank you for your time today, Jen “The Giant Fearless Snake Killer and Releaser of Wee Frogs”.
Jen: It has been my pleasure. Please tell your reading audience that if they need snakes killed or frogs released I’m their girl.
IR: Tune in next week when we discuss the cave crickets that are lurking in the dark, dank recesses of Jen's basement and how Jen plans to call in the professionals to remove them. An infestation of this magnitude is too much for even Jen "TGFSKAROWF" talents.
And now let's take some calls from our listeners.....
(i totally stole this idea from mannyed. why didn't i think of this first???)
Internet Reporter: Good morning fellow Internets, I’m sitting here with Jen, The Giant Fearless Snake Killer.
IR: Good morning Jen, The Giant Fearless Snake Killer. Exactly how did you come by this name? There is some speculation that you didn't actually kill the snake that you found in your bedroom.
Jen: That is a completely false allegation. While I didn’t kill the snake with my bare hands, I most certainly did let him sit out in the hot sun and bake. And before you ask, I did NOT eat him. That was an attempt at humor
IR: I understand that you had a run-in with yet another of our outdoor friends?
Jen: Yes!! This morning I captured and released a wee frog that had mistakenly hopped into our living room. Little did he know that he wandered into the domain of Jen the Giant Fearless Snake Killer.
IR: Surely you jest!?
Jen: Nope, I assure you that I do not take matters of amphibian home invasion lightly
IR: How did this frog get into your house?
Jen: That matter is under investigation. We have two suspects, who we believe may have been accomplices in allowing the frog to enter the domicile. [Dig me and my cop-speak. Too many hours watching Law & Order!]
IR: Are you at all concerned that PETA may bring you under investigation for the unwarranted cruelty to animals in regards to your leaving the snake in the sun to die a brutal and unnecessary death?
Jen: PETA can kiss my ass. THEY didn't have a snake invade the sanctity of their bedroom at 7:30 in the morning.
IR: This whole story has made me shiver and the thought of eating a snake makes me gag.
Jen: Then my work here is done.
IR: Thank you for your time today, Jen “The Giant Fearless Snake Killer and Releaser of Wee Frogs”.
Jen: It has been my pleasure. Please tell your reading audience that if they need snakes killed or frogs released I’m their girl.
IR: Tune in next week when we discuss the cave crickets that are lurking in the dark, dank recesses of Jen's basement and how Jen plans to call in the professionals to remove them. An infestation of this magnitude is too much for even Jen "TGFSKAROWF" talents.
And now let's take some calls from our listeners.....
(i totally stole this idea from mannyed. why didn't i think of this first???)
Monday, September 10, 2007
Jen - The Giant Fearless Snake Killer
When last we met, I was nearly incoherent with fear over the snake that had wriggled its way under my dresser.
To pick up where I left off....
I called my husband to inform him of our reptilian interloper.
Below is a recap of the conversation:
Brringg, Brringgg (that's the telephone)
Voice on the other end: Good Morning, Garden Center, Tom speaking
Jen (in a state of near hysteria): THEREISASNAKEINTHEHOUSE!!!
Tom: What are you talking about?
Jen: There is a snake in the bedroom and it crawled under the dresser.
Tom: One of the cats probably brought it in.
Jen: It’s not very big, maybe 6” but still…….
Jen: How did it get upstairs?
Jen: Maybe there is a nest of them? Hiding under the bed. Or up in the boxsprings.
Jen: I can’t live in this house anymore. We’re going to have to move
Tom (very calm and rational): We'll talk about it when we get home.
Jen: Ok, bye
Please note that at no time did my husband offer to leave work and drive the nearly 20 miles back to our house in order to capture the snake and allay his beloved's fears. He knows I'm a tough-girl
After that irrational phone call, I went downstairs to take my shower, keeping my eyes peeled for any other snakes.
While in the shower, I decided that I would put my fears to the side and capture this snake if it was the last thing I would do. So on my way back upstairs, I detoured into the kitchen where I picked up a pair of tongs (you’ll see what they are for in just a minute) .
After getting dressed and watching for the snake the entire time, I girded my loins and moved the dresser, wholly anticipating a herd of snakes to come wriggling out.
Nothing, I did however, find three rubber hair bands, a button, the brush attachment to my hairdryer and my tweezers that went missing months ago.
Then I picked up an empty walmart bag (with the tongs) and do I really need to go into why I would keep an empty wal-mart bag behind my dresser? As I picked up the bag, out flew the beastly creature.
He was making a mad dash for the safe refuge underneath the dresser. But Jen, the Giant Fearless Snake Killer, managed to stomp on him. All the while, yelling at the long of her lungs.. “DIE, DIE, DIE”
Imagine my dismay when I discovered that stomping on a snake in sneakers on plush carpeting will not kill a snake, as a matter of fact it will barely even stun them.
He was escaping.
So I stomped on him again. This time a little bit of his pointy snake head was squirming out from underneath my shoe. I bent down (this is where the tongs come into play), plucked him up and deposited him into the purple, plastic waste can standing by for just this purpose.
Then I stood and watched as he frantically tried to escape. But the waste can was too smooth and all he could do was wriggle fruitlessly in the bottom of the can.
Holding the can with outstretched arms, I gingerly made my way downstairs and out to the back deck where I set the beast free to be snakelike with all his other snake buddies.
I kid you.
I let that vile creature sit in the baking sun all day to be fried into a snake-crisp.
And then I ate him..... with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
The End
To pick up where I left off....
I called my husband to inform him of our reptilian interloper.
Below is a recap of the conversation:
Brringg, Brringgg (that's the telephone)
Voice on the other end: Good Morning, Garden Center, Tom speaking
Jen (in a state of near hysteria): THEREISASNAKEINTHEHOUSE!!!
Tom: What are you talking about?
Jen: There is a snake in the bedroom and it crawled under the dresser.
Tom: One of the cats probably brought it in.
Jen: It’s not very big, maybe 6” but still…….
Jen: How did it get upstairs?
Jen: Maybe there is a nest of them? Hiding under the bed. Or up in the boxsprings.
Jen: I can’t live in this house anymore. We’re going to have to move
Tom (very calm and rational): We'll talk about it when we get home.
Jen: Ok, bye
Please note that at no time did my husband offer to leave work and drive the nearly 20 miles back to our house in order to capture the snake and allay his beloved's fears. He knows I'm a tough-girl
After that irrational phone call, I went downstairs to take my shower, keeping my eyes peeled for any other snakes.
While in the shower, I decided that I would put my fears to the side and capture this snake if it was the last thing I would do. So on my way back upstairs, I detoured into the kitchen where I picked up a pair of tongs (you’ll see what they are for in just a minute) .
After getting dressed and watching for the snake the entire time, I girded my loins and moved the dresser, wholly anticipating a herd of snakes to come wriggling out.
Nothing, I did however, find three rubber hair bands, a button, the brush attachment to my hairdryer and my tweezers that went missing months ago.
Then I picked up an empty walmart bag (with the tongs) and do I really need to go into why I would keep an empty wal-mart bag behind my dresser? As I picked up the bag, out flew the beastly creature.
He was making a mad dash for the safe refuge underneath the dresser. But Jen, the Giant Fearless Snake Killer, managed to stomp on him. All the while, yelling at the long of her lungs.. “DIE, DIE, DIE”
Imagine my dismay when I discovered that stomping on a snake in sneakers on plush carpeting will not kill a snake, as a matter of fact it will barely even stun them.
He was escaping.
So I stomped on him again. This time a little bit of his pointy snake head was squirming out from underneath my shoe. I bent down (this is where the tongs come into play), plucked him up and deposited him into the purple, plastic waste can standing by for just this purpose.
Then I stood and watched as he frantically tried to escape. But the waste can was too smooth and all he could do was wriggle fruitlessly in the bottom of the can.
Holding the can with outstretched arms, I gingerly made my way downstairs and out to the back deck where I set the beast free to be snakelike with all his other snake buddies.
I kid you.
I let that vile creature sit in the baking sun all day to be fried into a snake-crisp.
And then I ate him..... with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
The End
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