vacation

Have I told you?

I'm going to Orlando!!!

Leaving on Thursday (at 6:30am !!!!)

For a week.

A family vacation.

With the in-laws.

No worries, these are the fun in-laws.

If you are good internets, I’ll post some pictures upon my return.

you could be next on the list!!

My cat – bring into the house just one more chipmunk that is feigning death and then miraculously springing to life and running for his/her life under the bookcase where it will eventually take up permanent residence, meet another rogue chipmunk and raise a family of wee chipmunks and I will banish you forever. Oh and eating grass and then vomiting on the living floor is not helping your cause!!

My fellow co-worker – keep on bitching that it’s too cold in the office and keep messing with the thermostat and will break every one of your fingers

My boss – ask me to revise the report I did for you one more time and I will quit.
QUIT I tell you!!

The rash on my flabby white belly – please just GO AWAY. You are unsightly, you itch and you are spreading and you will force me to break out the Magical Mystical Gel.

The woodpecker in the tree right outside my bedroom window pecking away at 5am – STOP PECKING!! You are loud and the pecking echoes throughout the neighborhood.

My husband – In a week we will be in Florida on a family vacation. But you are annoying me so very much right now that I don’t know if I can bear to spend a whole week with you. So for now……JUST STOP!!

a final note:
as i was proofreading my entry, i realized that i spelled "rogue - "rouge". And i pictured a little chipmunk all rouged and lipsticked up. and momentarily lost my aggravation.

Green

So there I was, sitting at my desk, blissfully eating my post- prandial Snickers bar while checking my emails.

I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was eating, other than to savor the chocolately, nutty gooeyness that is a Snickers bar, when I happened to glance down and saw that the filling was green.

GREEN I TELL YOU!!

It looked moldy.

I took a closer look at the packaging.

Folks, I had in my hand a Shrek the Third Snickers candy bar with “Green Shrek Filling”

They hasten to assure the consumer that it has the “same Snickers taste”.

I can assure you it does.

the polite plumber

Yesterday we had a visit from the “Polite Plumber” – seriously, that’s the name of the company.

He installed a water filter and fixed the toilet.

No more filling up buckets of water to flush.

According to the Polite Plumber, after flushing, the toilet should fill up again in 30 seconds.

In a classic example of overachievement, ours filled up in 22 seconds flat.

We are so proud.

just to let you know

When ANY sentence, prefaced by the above phrase, is uttered by my husband I know I’m in for a nice bit of bad news.

For instance, last week, when the well pump expired…

“Just to let you know…..we are out of water.”

Monday morning was no exception.

“Just to let you know…..the bathtub is backed up.”

Green slime was oozing from the drain and Jen had to take her shower standing in three inches of watery goo.

Just to let you know.

i want to tell you....

I want to tell you in great depth and boring detail about how the well pump died and we were out of water last week.

I want to tell you how I broke the latch on the trunk of my car and have been driving around with the trunk bungie- corded and how the lid flaps in the breeze like a pair of long johns on the clothes line.

I want to tell you how I went to my father-in-laws house late Thursday evening after work to take a shower and how I fell as I was getting out of the shower and landed with a huge THUMP on the ceramic tile floor and hurt my right buttock. And how I sat on the floor of the bathroom in a big pink, naked lump and cried great tears of sorrow for myself.

I want to tell you how the well pump people came the next day and in the matter of an hour installed a new well pump. And then I want to tell you how I discovered that the toilet is not filling up fast enough and that we need to fill up buckets of water to flush the toilet.

I want to tell you that we are going to have to install a water filter.

I want to tell you how for months my husband and I have been circling warily around a subject that must be discussed with rationality and maturity. And how in my head I have my bottom line which is “if you value me and our marriage you’ll let this matter die”

I WANT to tell you all these things.

I find that I MUST tell you these things instead.....

this morning I clipped my fingernails and now I am able to type much faster and with greater accuracy.

last night I ate a soft pretzel and it was good

Monday night we watched “night at the museum”. it could have been better

susanna and I cancelled our yard sale. I still have 5 pastel colored feather trees for sale

right now, dinner is simmering away in the crock pot. chicken legs in an onion herb
sauce which I will serve over rice

my sister’s birthday was a month ago and her gift is still sitting waiting to be packed up and sent out.

ditto for the mother’s day gift for mum

and finally, tonight I’m watching the Top Chef Season 1 vs Season 2 Grudge match. That’s right….I watch Top Chef and Project Runway AND Shear Genuis.

All right, all right, you’ve forceed it out of me, I also watch Celebrity Fit Club.

As a final admission….last weekend TV Land ran a Kate and Allie marathon.

I watched it.