Friday, August 29, 2008

waxing philosophical

I've been thinking about this for days.....friendships are very much like trying to parallel park.

When parallel parking it may take several false starts to get into the space just right. Sometimes you get too close to the car in front of you or you back up into the car behind you or it turns out that no matter how you try, your car just doesn't fit into the space at all and you have to go down to the next street to find an empty space.

The same with friends....

Sometimes you get too close and allow too much information to pass between you so that things get uncomfortably intimate.

Sometimes one friend isn't afraid to say what he or she thinks and manages with a sharp tongue to back all over the other person. Feelings are left crumpled, not unlike front headlights.

In my experience, when either of these things happen, I take a moment and examine the friendship to see if it is worth keeping.

Sometimes, it is I who have done the backing over the feelings and it is I who need to make the necessary repairs to keep the friendship running.

It always saddens me when I come to the realization that the friendship is just never going to work. And that probably I should keep it very superficial.

Sometimes we get lucky and find friendships that are easy-going and that can withstand both the getting too close and the backing over. These friendships are like parking in a grassy field. No lines to stay between, no worrying about jumping the curb, just drive in and park. I am lucky that I have two such best, good friends in Sanna and Ginger.

So it is nothing but love for Sanna and Ginger today!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

cleanliness is next to godliness

As we speak, a team of highly organized, professional cleaning peoples are hard at work cleaning up 4 months worth of filth in my house.
That's right, I pay people to clean my house.
They do it in under an hour, while I am at work.  So when I come home today, I'm going to find a sparkling clean house.
Luxury.....sheer luxury
As a special treat to myself, I've also asked them to please clean out the refrigerator. So all I will have to do is throw out the moldy leftovers!
And tomorrow?
The carpet cleaners are coming!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Folks....I have lost my edge.
Just last weekend, I was made the butt of a joke that I did not find in the least bit humorous.
The person who made the joke/comment however, thought that she was simply hilarious and cackled to herself while I sat in abject embarrassment, mute,  unable to form an appropriate comeback.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can usually hold my own in a verbal sparring match.
Two days later, I'm STILL trying to come up with a smart retort.
I've got nothing.
What is the wait time for a good comeback/smackdown?
I'm thinking a week is too long.....

Friday, August 22, 2008


I should clarify my earlier post....when I say "big" I don't mean fat, I mean muscular. 
Any one of these girls could snap the likes of Nicole Kidman or Paris Hilton like a twig.
And that is what I love about them.


How twisted is it that because I am so used to looking at wafer-thin models and actresses and other quasi-celebrity types that when I am watching the Olympics and seeing normal, healthy-looking women athletes doing what they've trained for years to do, in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Boy, is she a big girl"?


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Do you know what I hate....

You know what I hate….

I hate the euphemism “va-jay-jay”. I prefer “hoo-hah”

I hate that Christina Applegate had to have a double mastectomy. At 36 years of age

I hate that no matter how many times I start to read “House of Seven Gables” I put it aside in favor of any other book or the latest Collections Etc. catalog

I hate that I have no real desire to exercise. Not even lifting little hand weights in my chair like I did when I was in rehab.

I hate that my love for Oreos has waned and I hate that I have no explanation for this strange turn of events.

You know what I love……

I love Meryl Streep in all her guises and accents ( I just saw Sophies Choice for the first time)

I love the smell of freshly cut onion grass

I love my brand-new 500ct plum colored sheets that are waiting to be put on the bed.

I love that I have something deliciously wonderful to look forward to for next week.

I love this conversation that my mother had with my little 5 yr old niece Phoebe when Phoebe called to tell Grandma that she lost her first tooth:
‘She also told me Daddy took them to the fair. She said she got lost. When I asked her what she did, she replied,
"I walked back and forth and whimpered a little bit."’

I totally felt Phoebe's pain. Any time I ever get lost be it at a fair or a department store or a huge parking lot or even driving in my car I do the same thing. Especially the whimpering.

What are you loving or hating at the moment?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Guilty Pleasure

I am currently indulging in one of my favorite guilty pleasures.
The romance novel.
That's right. I admit it.  I read romance novels.
I have dedicated the month of August to rereading some of my favorite romance authors.  Jude Deveraux, Kathleen E. Woodiwiss, Jayne Ann Krentz, Julie Garwood, etc. 
Nothing that is a strain on the brain.
While the rest of you read your fancy, mind-improving, New York Times bestsellers, it will be nothing but heaving bosoms and thrusting loins for me!

Friday, August 15, 2008


When we went out for our anniversary dinner, we went to TGIF. We went there because we had a $50.00 gift certificate. Of all the similar chain restaurants, TGIF is my least favorite. I like Ruby Tuesdays. Especially the mini-hamburgers.

TGIF has, for lack of a better word, crap all over the walls. It looks like a garage sale. One of the things that was pasted up on the wall near our booth was the game Operation. Remember that game? You had to use a tweezers to pick out the pieces and not hit the sides or the game will emit a buzzing sound and the nose will flash red and you will have lost your turn.

Tom and I were reminisincing about the game. I noted that there was a new addition to the ailments, brain freeze. I didn't remember that from my childhood game. Tom told me that he used to play Operation with his sister and cheat. Cheating at board games is a tradition for the Bergmans.

But it got me thinking about board games.....I have to say that Candyland is probably my all time favorite board game. Followed by a rousing game of Parcheesi or Trivial Pursuit.

What do you play?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

State Songs

It all started with OOOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain. I couldn’t get that song out of my head. And it got me to thinking about other songs that might have a state name in its title.

After doing some serious research on Itunes, I came up with the below list.

Wisconsin was a bugger as was Washington. Iowa would have been tough but for “The Music Man!” Kentucky, Tennessee and California were very popular and all the songs referencing New York were for NYC. But overall I think I’ve got a pretty comprehensive list of songs.

And yes, I do realize that this was a great time waster, but it is summer and the boss is on vacation!!

What songs would you have chosen?

Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynrd

North To Alaska – Johnny Horton

Arizona – Paul Revere & The Raiders

Mary Queen of Arkansas – Bruce Springsteen

Hotel California – Eagles

I Guess He’d Rather Be in Colorado – John Denver

Connecticut – Bing Crosby and Judy Garland

Delaware – Perry Como

Mainline Florida – Eric Clapton

The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia –Vicki Lawrence

Blue Hawaii – Elvis Presley

Idaho – Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Illinois – The Everly Brothers

Up In Indiana – Lyle Lovett

Iowa Stubborn– The Music Man (musical)

You’re Not In Kansas Anymore – JoDee Williams

Blue Moon of Kentucky – Patsy Cline

Leaving Louisiana In The Broad Daylight – The Oak Ridge Boys

Maine – No Strings (musical)

MarylandVonda Shepard

Massachusetts – The Bee Gees

Especially In Michigan – Red Hot Chili Peppers

My Minnesota Home – Garrison Keillor

Mississippi Half-Step Uptown Toodleloo – The Grateful Dead

Wish We Were Back in Missouri – Emmy Lou Harris

Wild Montana Skies – John Denver

Nebraska – Bruce Springsteen

Stop In Nevada – Billy Joel

New Hampshire – Sonic Youth

Never Going Back to New Jersey – Less Than Jake –

New Mexico – Johnny Cash

Leaving New York - REM

Just A Little Bit South of North Carolina – Dean Martin

North Dakota – Lyle Lovett

OhioCrosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Does the Wind Still Blow in Oklahoma?– Reba McEntire

Oregon Trail – Woody Guthrie

Pennsylvania Polka – Frankie Yankovic

Sweet Rhode Island Red – Ike and Tina Turner

South Carolina – The Outlaws

South Dakota Morning – The Bee Gees

My Tennessee Mountain Home – Dolly Parton

Somewhere Down in TexasGeorge Strait

Utah Carol – Marty Robbins

Moonlight In Vermont – Willie Nelson

Virginia Moon – Foo Fighters

Washington – Nicholas Tremulis Orchestra

Leaving West Virginia – Kathy Mattea

Under Wisconsin – The Kissers

Song of Wyoming – John Denver

Monday, August 11, 2008

Of Mice and Jen

I have been waging a war for months. 
My enemy?
The furry, furtive little creature known as the mouse.
They have established a command post next to the dishwasher.
The make midnight sorties into the utensil drawer and gnaw on my pastry brush. 
They infiltrate the pots and pans cupboard, leaving a trail of mouse turds in their wake.
Our cats have proven useless at capturing the mice.
We have laid out glue-traps, but the cunning creatures evade them.
We have  plugged in devices that emit a high-pitched frequency that is supposed to deter rodents, but they just put in ear protectors and keep coming.
My sister suggested that Tom pee all around the foundation of the house.  Oddly enough, the man who likes to pee outside whenever he gets the chance declined.
Instead he purchased something called "Mouse Magic", a potent mixture of spearmint and peppermint oils that is supposed to repel rodents via a more organic, humane way. 
But to no avail.
Just the other day, I pulled out a pot, and filled it up with water to boil some pasta.  Imagine my dismay to find, as I was draining off the water, little black flecks of mouse droppings adhering to the pasta.
We have set the standard issue, spring loaded mouse trap with peanut butter.  But they send in their bomb disposal unit to remove the peanut butter without setting off the trap. 
I believe we are dealing with a Rats of NIMH situation here.
We may have to abandon the house.
Or get a black snake to patrol the premises.
Any suggestions will be taken under advisement.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Don't get too close

I'm sick.
I have a summer cold.  And no, it is not allergies.  It is merely a cold
Summer colds suck.
I feel like I'm underwater and my ears keep popping. 
I have a tight cough that won't quit.  But as the day progresses it is starting to loosen up you know what that I'll be horking up great gobs of phlegm. 
Don't you just wish you were working in the cubicle next to mine?!?
Luckily I haven't lost my sense of taste yet. 

Friday, August 01, 2008


For quite some time I have been waging a private boycott against Tom Cruise.  Do I really need to go into specifics as to why I'm boycotting ol' Tommy boy?
The final straw was NOT the couch-jumping on Oprah nor the infamous unprovoked attacked on Brooke Shields. What put me over the edge was the interview I saw him do on "Inside the Actors Studio" with James Lipton.  He was so full of himself, talking about the "craft" of acting.  It was too much to bear.  So I quit him, cold turkey.  Which I admit was hard at first, but then he started coming out with stinker after stinker of a movie and I felt justified.
The only times I lift my boycott is to watch either Top Gun or Jerry Maguire.  Jerry Maguire was the last movie  Tom did in which it seemed as though he was truly enjoying himself.
Oh and Risky Business. 
Because who doesn't like to see a youthful Tom in Ray Bans and underpants?