Wednesday, November 29, 2006

no one loves you like family

the trip out to PA was a resounding success, himself shot a deer and i visited friends and family.

the new car drove beautifully. for the record, she can go up to 85mph without a whimper. luckily, my normally critical passenger was fast asleep. his only comment, upon pulling into my parent’s driveway, was that we seemed to have made good time.

Monday was spent visiting with my mother during which our conversations included but were not limited to:

my new haircut – she liked it
my new car – she liked but refused to take a ride in it
my diet – she thinks I need to eat better and is concerned that I might have a “leaky gut”
my weight – she thinks I lost weight. I don’t look “as chubby” her exact words, I swear!
my MS prognosis – she thinks I should continue with the copaxone shots. I don’t. we (and by we, I mean me) decided not to discuss this particular topic any further.
the 17 year old next door neighbor- who I used to baby-sit when I was in high school- dropped out of school and had a baby.
Christmas – when will they be coming to see us? we have to wait for dad to decide on this major issue

so basically it was your average mother-daughter visit and although it may not sound like it, it truly was a visit that was satisfactory on both ends.

Tuesday was a day for visiting with family. Mum and I had lunch with the following:

Three aunts, two cousins, one uncle and a wee little 2nd cousin.

It was a time to catch up and for me to bask in the love and admiration of family. Sometimes a girl just needs her family.

In addition to these aunts, uncles and cousins, I also managed to speak via the telephone to: two aunts, one uncle and one cousin.

For anyone who is keeping count, that is 5 aunts, 2 uncles and 3 cousins and one 2nd cousin. All in 12 hours!
In case you are curious about how many cousins I last count we are 23 strong. I don’t know the 2nd cousin count but I think it is in the neighborhood of 20.

I also managed to squeeze in an early morning visit to my friend Jess and her kids. We sat in front of her beautiful fireplace and sipped tea and ate doughnuts with peanut butter frosting and gossiped about our mutual friends.

All in all it was an excellent two-day visit with the only one sustaining any mortal wounds was the deer.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

better late than never

I am thankful for the lemon meringue pie that Gma made at Thanksgiving.
I am thankful for Uncle Bruce and Aunt Ellen, who hosted Thanksgiving this year.
I am thankful for Vh1, who ran the entire first cycle of ANTM on Friday.
I am thankful for Himself, who didn’t say a word when he came home from work on Friday and saw me in the almost identical position on the couch as I was when he left, because I was watching the entire first cycle of ANTM.
I am thankful for the above run-on sentence.
I am thankful that I FINALLY got the bathroom sink unclogged.
I am thankful that I am leaving for PA Sunday night.
I am thankful that I have off Monday and Tuesday.
I am thankful that I am going to visit with my Mother on Monday and Tuesday, whilst Himself and Dad go hunting.
I am thankful that I don’t have to post again until Wednesday.
I am thankful that my cold cleared up.
I am NOT thankful for the free flowing snot and phlegm the cold left behind.

Until next Wednesday.

For those of you who don’t know….. ANTM = America’s Next Top Model, and I REALLY think Elyse should have won.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

if you were in my house....

If you were in my house this weekend you DEFINITELY would have seen me lolling on the couch, swilling Dayquil, blowing my nose every 10 minutes and watching E! THS “Full House”

If you were in my house this weekend and you looked real close you MIGHT have seen that I cleaned the bathroom .

If you were in my house this weekend you would NOT have seen me do any laundry.

If you were in my house this weekend there is NO WAY you would have seen that I ate an entire box of Cocoa Pebbles as I threw away the box and bought a new one to replace it so Himself would never know.

If you were in my house late Saturday night you would have seen me hunched over on the pot groaning in misery, because I ate a whole box of Cocoa Pebbles*

If you were in my house this weekend we really need to talk about how you found my house!!

* Along with enormous amounts of Oreos, Cocoa Pebbles will also act as a laxative

Friday, November 17, 2006

still sick

How sickness enlarges the dimensions of a man's self to himself - Charles Lamb

Still sick.

Becoming increasingly petulant.

Still not getting much sympathy from Himself.

This morning he told me with great heartlessness that the cold will probably settle into a sinus infection.

I suppose he'll want to cancel our date to see "Casino Royale"

The boss is buying us lunch today. Chinese, my favorite. Great. I can't taste a bloody thing. I might as well be eating wet cardboard.

You see?

Utter petulance.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

it's probably SARS

Let me preface this post by clarifying that I detest blog posts that are all about ill health.

Having said that……

I am sick.

I have a sore throat, a nagging cough and my ears are stopped up.

My husband is avoiding me so that he doesn’t get sick and keeps telling me to “drink orange juice or grapefruit juice”. But he doesn’t object to my germ-ridden self slaving over a hot stove to make him dinner.

In order to get some sleep I took some Tylenol night time cold remedy.

This allowed me to sleep.

But I had dreams all night long.

And they weren’t the good kind. You know, the sexy dreams that I have once a week about me making out with the guy from high school, but rather dark and disturbing ones. The ominous kind that you can’t remember when you wake up but leave you feeling distressed and out of sorts.

I’m probably contagious.

You should leave now before you get sick too.

Please feel free to take a complimentary bottle of Purell on your way out.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

veteran's day

In observance of Veteran’s Day, I woke up early, got dressed and as usual drove 10 miles to the bank.

Only to discover that the bank was closed

“In Observance of Veteran’s Day”.

Gnashing my teeth, I got back in the car and drove home. As I was turning into the driveway, I spied the mailbox with the flag still up ; before leaving for the bank I had put my last netflix movie in the mailbox. This is when the light bulb went off and I realized that if the bank was closed then we wouldn’t be getting any mail either.

More gnashing of the teeth.

Also in observance of Veterans Day, I did nothing the rest of the day. I spent the day lounging on the couch watching movies: Just Like Heaven, Prime, The Station Agent.

And now for my three point observations:

Just Like Heaven
1) Reese Witherspoon’s character is in a hospital bed in a coma but her spirit is alive and well and annoying
2) Mark Ruffalo has the most kissable mouth. I just wanted to bite his lower lip.
3) The ending was too reminiscent of the St. Elsewhere series ending

1) Meryl Steep was perfection
2) This movie was NOT the laugh fest that the previews would have you believe
3) I suddenly realized that I am old enough to take a younger man as a lover and it won’t be illegal and that younger men are H O T (at least they are in the movies)

The Station Agent
1) Parts of NJ really ARE that beautiful
2) Michelle Williams = annoying
3) The main character was a little person named Fin.
As I was watching this movie and being drawn further the life of Fin, I had the MOST startling thought “he is so cute and even though he’s a little person I’d totally sleep with him”

Just the musings of an slightly politically incorrect, obviously horny woman.

Friday, November 10, 2006

you'd think i would be happy for them

My sister-in-law told me yesterday that her father - Big Bill - has finally decided to marry his longtime girlfriend, over the Christmas holidays.

And these are the thoughts that immediately went through my mind:

1. It's about damn time, they only been together 6 years.

2. Where/when is this momentousus occasion going to take place?

3. I don't have anything to wear

4. I'm going to have to go to Macy's.

5. This blows my Christmas budget

6. Wait!! I have that black dress with the lace bodice and plunging neckline (yay for the boobies) hanging in the back of the closet.

7. But I'll need to fix the zipper which is broken because I tried to squeeze my fat ass into the dress.

8. I'll just have to lose 15 pounds by the end of December (munching on candy corn throughout this entire internal monologue.

9. Ah, fuck it. I'll just wear a girdle and the extra strong pantyhose that hold in the fat

10. But then I'll be uncomfortable and miserable.

11. I wish they had consulted with me first.

I share this to remind you that it is often all about me.

I really need to work on that.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

wax on, wax off

It has been on my list of things to do re: routine body beautification/maintenance:
1) shave legs
2) get hair cut
3) get lip and brow wax
5) clip toenails

I had made a Saturday morning appointment two weeks ago for a lip and brow wax, but I pretended to forget about it so that I could sleep in. So yes, I am well aware that I have more hair on my lip than does an adolescent boy trying to grow his first mustache.

But what I don’t need is a husband pointing out that fact.

May I offer exhibit A:

Hairy lipped Jen, to husband as he comes into the kitchen while she is making dinner. “Hello dearest, give us a kiss.”

Hairy-lipped Jen leans in, eyes closed, lips puckered in anticipation of a loving kiss.

Loving kiss never comes.

Hairy-lipped Jen opens her eyes to see husband staring in fascination at her upper lip.

“What?” Hairy-lipped Jen asks in puzzlement.

Husband responds “You have lots of little hairs on your lip” and points to said hairy lip with stubby finger.

Hairy-lipped Jen swats away offending finger and says with great dignity and withering sarcasm “I KNOW and thank you for pointing out the obvious (ass)"

Hairy-lipped Jen turns back to the stove and resists throwing wooden spoon at husband's head as he shambles out of the kitchen innocently asking when dinner will be ready.

It is here that I will point out two things.

1) It is his fault that I need to wax the lip in the first place. Years ago he mentioned my “mustache”. I became so self-conscious about the mustache that I felt compelled to go and get a wax. And you all know, once you start waxing you must keep it up or run the risk of looking like Pancho Villa

2) Turns out that my loving husband had been nipping at the Sambuca bottle before I arrived home and felt emboldened by the liqueur to speak what was on his mind.

To paraphrase that age old adage – “In Sambuca, veritas”

Needless to say, first thing this morning I made an appointment with Vicki at “Kristina Michele” for a lip and brow wax.

Monday, November 06, 2006

i might be your daisyheadmaisey

I have a pest that visits my blog and leaves comments. The name of the pest is daisyheadmaisey.

Daisyheadmaisey is somewhat of an enigma. I don't know if this person is a he or she.

I'm not even sure if the pest is a real person or just somebody yanking my chain.

What I do know is that I don't much enjoy getting/reading comments from him/her.

Which led me to an epiphany the other morning while was washing my hair*

There are certain blogs that I visit and leave comments and never get a response.

Yet I keep returning to those blogs and keep reading and commenting in the hopes that these wonderful and witty people will bless me with a pithy response and that we will become the very best of friends and they will add me to their blogroll and all the other wonderful and witty people that read their blogs will come and read what I have written and that I will become a blog goddess!

It occurred to me that perhaps this is what the daisyheadmaisey character is attempting to do and I am the asshole who won't respond to his/her comments. You see, I've been to his/her blog and I found out that I really don't care about daisyheadmaisey and his/her life.

Which led me to the following conclusion: Could it be that the people at whose blogs I read and comment obviously aren't interested in what I have to say either?? Not interested in me and my fascinating life? Not completly drawn in and waitng with breathless anticipation for the next great boobie blog? I cannot fathom this. Yet it must be true.

And with that came the following: effect, I am their daisyheadmaisey.

And that, my friends, is just too painful to think about in broad daylight.

*have you ever noticed that epiphanies often come while washing your hair? does it have something to do with massaging the scalp that lets the thoughts just come to the surface? or am i the only one who has great thoughts while in the shower?

monday morning prayer


I want to thank you, Lord, for being with me so far this day.
I haven't been impatient, lost my temper, been grumpy,
judgemental, or envious of anyone.
But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think I will
Really need your help then.


Thursday, November 02, 2006


i bought a new (to me) car on monday.

the reason for the purchase?

i had an accident at the end of september.

i rear-ended somebody

the airbags went off. i hit the car in front of me with such force that BOTH airbags went off. the passenger side air bag actually cracked the windshield.

oh I'm fine (aside from the burns on my hand and arm from when the airbag deployed)

but my poor silver ford focus was totaled.

apparently it would cost more to repair the front end, replace the windshield and BOTH airbags, than the car was worth.

so the insurance adjustor totaled the car.

we said a sad goodbye in the rain-drenched, gated yard of Bill's Service Station, amid the other wrecked and damaged cars.

and then i started my search for a new car.

i found one. slightly used. a pontiac sunfire.

we've made friends. but we're not chums yet. i'm still treating her with kid gloves. it will take a awhile before i'll feel comfortable enough to get her up to 90mph on the interstate.

but LOOK at the option she came with.

These were also offered:

which one would you choose?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

the day after halloween

as i was driving to work this morning, the day after halloween, this is what i didn't see:

no toilet paper hanging from the trees.

no house or car windows soaped

no pumpkins laying smashed to smithereens alongside the road.

i must admit that i was a little disappointed.

there were no visible signs that last night was halloween.

not that i'm advocating vandalism or anything, but a little judicious use of toilet paper would come amiss.

and whatever happened to "corning" cars?

does anybody even do that anymore?

does anybody even know what that is?

or is "corning" strictly a phenomenon that occurrs only in rural central pennsylvania?