Friday, November 10, 2006

you'd think i would be happy for them

My sister-in-law told me yesterday that her father - Big Bill - has finally decided to marry his longtime girlfriend, over the Christmas holidays.

And these are the thoughts that immediately went through my mind:

1. It's about damn time, they only been together 6 years.

2. Where/when is this momentousus occasion going to take place?

3. I don't have anything to wear

4. I'm going to have to go to Macy's.

5. This blows my Christmas budget

6. Wait!! I have that black dress with the lace bodice and plunging neckline (yay for the boobies) hanging in the back of the closet.

7. But I'll need to fix the zipper which is broken because I tried to squeeze my fat ass into the dress.

8. I'll just have to lose 15 pounds by the end of December (munching on candy corn throughout this entire internal monologue.

9. Ah, fuck it. I'll just wear a girdle and the extra strong pantyhose that hold in the fat

10. But then I'll be uncomfortable and miserable.

11. I wish they had consulted with me first.

I share this to remind you that it is often all about me.

I really need to work on that.


Alicia said...

Ya know, when Rusty's dad got married last year the DAY beofre X-mas Eve, all I could think of was how the FUCK I was gonna get all my shopping finsihed up when he had just taken my LAST SHOPPING DAY away!! Pissed me right off!! But I REALLY love his new wife, so that makes it a bit better, I guess...

Missed ya!

HUGS!! :)

R said...

It's not that you're not happy for them, it's just inconsiderate of them not to tell you several months in advance so that you could prepare for the joyous occasion, by losing the 15 lbs,to buy a killer dress that will display your glorious cleavage and not diminish the Christmas budget.

I mean really, what were they thinking just throwing this on you at the last minute?!?!?


daisyheadmaisey said...

hi my frein jen my frein ruthgit marRy las year an i love hEr weding i so happy for her she my bes frein in hole world an i git new horn forMy bike it broked wen i wrek my bike love daisy

Anonymous said...

Aaaaaannnddd, because I can immediately make it all about ME, I'd like to remind you that I have a marvelous little black number that I tried on in the aisle of the fancy-dress store, and subsequently bought, and thereafter kicked TOTAL ASS in.

I'd gladly ship it to you. No girdle or repairs needed. A guaranteed fit.

I mean it! It's...magical.

Jen said...

It's horrible to say, but my friends used to say my middle name was "it's all about me." Now, really, it's not but I completely understand your post! It made me laugh out loud. And personally, I would just use the girdle and be uncomfortable for the one night because that allows you to be comfortable for all of the other days during the holiday season and still be able to eat all the wonderful goodies rather than have to lose 15 pounds!

Becca said...

Get something hot to wear and go and have a good time! Hey at least she is making a honest man out of him! :-)


Anonymous said...

If its NOT all about you, then WHO will it be about?????? Those inconsiderate bastards. I mean, the NERVE of some people getting married and not giving you enough time. Fuckers.

I see your bestest friend is back to keep you company.

mannyed said...

I'm pretty sure my thought process would have been pretty much the same. Sooo, go and buy a brand new dress and DON'T call it a Christmas present. :o)

Now pass the candy corn.

NJAney said...

Ah yes. The selfish streak. Mine runs very strong...and comes out often.

Go to Macy's. That tight support choking hose will leave you cursing everytime you pee that night. I HATE that hose.

katielady said...

OMG, laughing my ASS off at this post!

I turn everything around to be about ME, too. :)

mandolyn said...

Might I recommend a good pair of Spanx? They come on several styles and colors. Klem and I are big fans.

Also, candy corns are tasty.