Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Friday, December 15, 2006

in case you were wondering

try as I might, I will never understand frank zappa

I had a dream about george clooney the other night. it was not a sexy dream. we were in church and the minister was making fun of george. and I was laughing.

at george.

i was LAUGHING at george clooney!!!

you don’t laugh AT george, you laugh WITH george.

I should be banned from ever having another dream of george.

i also typed george so many times it has lost all meaning.

one of the girls at work just told us that her mother tested positive for TB. Can we still get TB? I thought there was a vaccine for this.

last night, as I was helping a little old lady find a pair of mittens for her great-nephew, I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the very long hair bristling from her chin. “not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin” kept floating through my head. it took every ounce of will I had in me to resist reaching over and plucking that sucker right off. I couldn't even look her in the eye while talking to her. This must be how a man feels when they are talking to a woman with big boobies.

speaking of boobies....mine have been itching like mad. i am hoping this is because they are dry and in need of moisturizer and not because they are growing!! I sit at my desk and scratch and scratch not unlike himself scratching away at his balls.

why does free shipping sound so alluring? every time I see it I want to buy something just to get the free shipping. I think I might need to join a support group.

oh and beth....i tried to do that 6 weird things meme. and just couldn't think of anything weird enough to admit in public. so it turns out, for all intents and purposes, i'm practically perfect!!!

but i will be more than happy to tell you 6 weird things about himself!

OR for those of you who know me well...feel free to divulge my weirdnesses (as you perceive them)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

and she's up!!

On Monday I opened my mailbox and what did my wondering eye spy but a package addressed to I.

Ok, poor grammar.

But it rhymed.

It was another package from (quickly becoming infamous) Sanna.

Since there was no accompanying email forbidding me to open before Christmas, I proceeded to rip it open.

Much to my disappointment, it was a CD.

My CD.

From a three CD pack entitled "music to watch girls by”

Sanna insisted that I loan it to her so she could copy it.

I am SO kidding. I left it at her house when we had our joint yard sale in May. She hates the CD . At least that is what she says. I personally think she was secretly listening to it all this time.

She hates the CD so very badly, that she wrapped it in a ripped up Kashi cereal box (for added support is my guess), bundled it into a padded envelope, addressed it to me, paid $1.56 in shipping and sent it on its merry way.

Without a note.

No explanation. Not even a little scrawl on the Kashi box.


And yet I thoughtfully IM'd her that day to thank her for returning the CD.

You see….when somebody sends you something it’s only polite to acknowledge receipt of the gift.


In October, I packaged up some little gifties to send to various friends and family. Let me at this time itemize what and to whom I sent things:

1) Thanksgiving themed dishtowels and a note to my friend Robbie in CA
2) Thanksgiving themed dishtowels and a garland made of fake birdsnests (trust me it was cute) and a note to my friend Ginger
3) Two 2ft candy corn lights for putting on a front porch at Halloween and note to my sister-in-law Jenny
4) A little votive candle holder in the shape of a bird and scented votive candles and a note to Sanna.

Two weeks went by.

Halloween came and went

And suddenly I realized that I hadn’t received any responses.

Finally Robbie IM’d me to say “thank you”. She had been on vacation.

Then there were three.

Unable to resist it any longer, I casually asked Sanna if she had ever received a package from me. She immediately fell all over herself with explanations and apologies for her oversight.

Then there were two.

I heard through the family grapevine that not only did Jenny receive the candy corn lights but she put them out on her front porch for Halloween.

I’m sure after Jenny reads this she will immediately apologize and offer some lame-ass excuse about working full-time, traveling for her job and being a mother to an active 18mo little boy and not having the time to write/IM me (even though we IM nearly every day!!)

But I will graciously accept her apology, cause I’m good like that.

Then there will be one.

Ginger….haven’t heard hide nor hair from her but I’ll keep you posted.

The moral of this story?

Never, ever send gifts to Sanna, Jenny or Ginger and expect a thank you.

But, send Robbie a gift and she’ll thank you and MIGHT even send you a hand-written note. Her mother brought her up right.

Afterthought: I realize that so baldly pointing out their obvious lack of social graces might not endear me to Sanna, Jenny and Ginger. But I want you three to know, even though you didn’t see fit to acknowledge the wonderful, thoughtful gifts that I dug out of my basement and sent you, this will not deter me from sending you future gifts. That’s just the kind of girl I

Also, if any of you whiney butts are crying into your keyboards wondering why Jen didn't send YOU anything, just wait until after Christmas. I 'm sure I'm going to get stuff that I can regift!!

Friday, December 08, 2006

wherein jen begins to question her blog virility

I'm suffering from blog impotence.

I just can'’t get it up.

I start out to write something witty and compelling and then ......blooop, it goes all soft.

Do they make a Viagra for this?

Monday, December 04, 2006


the package from was on my doorstep when I got home from work on Friday.

I resisted the temptation to open it but did shake it furiously in a vain attempt to ascertain what exactlywas in the package. I’m hoping it’s a book from my wish list. You see, I have an wish list and I COULD go to the wish list and see what has been purchased, but that would be cheating and spoil the fun of anticipation.

so i CERTAINLY am not going to open it and then pretend to be surprised, Cousin Miah and Cousin Mike!!! Nona would be ashamed of you!

Finally saw Brokeback Mountain and a few impressions of the movie

1) The mountain scenery was BEAUTIFUL
2) Jake Gyllenhaal and his doe –eyed glances from under his cowboy-hat wear a little thin after a while
3) Michelle Williams leaves me cold

This movie is done an injustice every time it is called a “gay cowboy” movie As I was watching the movie (without the hypocritical slightly homophobic presence of himself), it suddenly came to me that this story of jack twist and ennis del mar is really a universal story. the two main characters could have just as easily been two women or two people with ethnic or religious differences that are denied expression of their true love.

and this gentleman says exactly what I cannot express: “The movie tells a small-scale, narrowly delineated story, specific to these individual characters in their time and place, that makes no overt political claims…..”

Friday, December 01, 2006

mind-numbingly boring

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it’s December.

The thermometer here in NJ is telling a different story. It’s balmy outside and I’m sweating in my wool coat.

I am totally boring myself with this topic.

So let’s move on to another boring topic….Christmas. How are YOU doing on your Christmas shopping? I’ve gotten maybe a quarter of my shopping done. But the rest is all internet shopping, just point and click and wait for the package to arrive.

And speaking of Christmas….the other day I received an email from my friend Sanna.

She wanted to let me know that I would be receiving a package from and to not open it until Christmas.

Now I ask you….would a real friend do that? Send a package and then make you wait until Christmas?!?!

I don’t know if I’ll be able to resist temptation. I’m going to need all the help and support I can get.

With any luck, will take their sweet time sending out the package so it won’t sit around mocking me until Christmas. AND I hope whatever she sent me is worth the wait!! I’ll let you know after Christmas.

I also bought beautiful Christmas cards this year. From the Dollar Store. Since they were so nice (and cheap - $1 each!!!!) I bought several boxes. Now I have too many cards and not enough people to send them to. So email me your address to and I will send you a cheap yet beautiful Dollar Store Christmas card.