Wednesday, November 08, 2006

wax on, wax off

It has been on my list of things to do re: routine body beautification/maintenance:
1) shave legs
2) get hair cut
3) get lip and brow wax
5) clip toenails

I had made a Saturday morning appointment two weeks ago for a lip and brow wax, but I pretended to forget about it so that I could sleep in. So yes, I am well aware that I have more hair on my lip than does an adolescent boy trying to grow his first mustache.

But what I don’t need is a husband pointing out that fact.

May I offer exhibit A:

Hairy lipped Jen, to husband as he comes into the kitchen while she is making dinner. “Hello dearest, give us a kiss.”

Hairy-lipped Jen leans in, eyes closed, lips puckered in anticipation of a loving kiss.

Loving kiss never comes.

Hairy-lipped Jen opens her eyes to see husband staring in fascination at her upper lip.

“What?” Hairy-lipped Jen asks in puzzlement.

Husband responds “You have lots of little hairs on your lip” and points to said hairy lip with stubby finger.

Hairy-lipped Jen swats away offending finger and says with great dignity and withering sarcasm “I KNOW and thank you for pointing out the obvious (ass)"

Hairy-lipped Jen turns back to the stove and resists throwing wooden spoon at husband's head as he shambles out of the kitchen innocently asking when dinner will be ready.

It is here that I will point out two things.

1) It is his fault that I need to wax the lip in the first place. Years ago he mentioned my “mustache”. I became so self-conscious about the mustache that I felt compelled to go and get a wax. And you all know, once you start waxing you must keep it up or run the risk of looking like Pancho Villa

2) Turns out that my loving husband had been nipping at the Sambuca bottle before I arrived home and felt emboldened by the liqueur to speak what was on his mind.

To paraphrase that age old adage – “In Sambuca, veritas”

Needless to say, first thing this morning I made an appointment with Vicki at “Kristina Michele” for a lip and brow wax.


daisyheadmaisey said...

jen i so bizy sowin and sowinG i sow all time but ifix peeple cloths my frein ruth come for thanksgibing i so cited unle wilber say i git fat if i eat oroeo cooky but i like oroeo cooky las nite i git rainded when i ride my bike from work love daisy mcconnell

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain with the mustache. This is so crazy, but when I found out you can get your entire body lasered for a mere $7,000 I spent a full day trying to figure out how to finance that.

ami said...

I absoluely HATE waxing. I used to use the at-home kits, and eventually the hair thinned out enough that I can just pluck a few strays every now and then. Of course, just let one person mention the fuzz on my lip and I'll be calling the nearest salon for an appointment ASAP. And tell that husband of yours to keep his dear little trap closed next time you let a little too much time pass between waxings.

Jeannie said...

Rather than waxing, I'm thinking electrolysis, but can you imagine how long that would take? I'd need to schedule an entire vacation to get 'er done! What's with daisymopheadmaisey? New fan of yours?

NJaney said...

I need to shave, color my hair, and do something girly with my fingernails. Maintenance is such a pain...and so easy to put off...

Jenny said...

Maintenance is just one of the things a girl must do.

R said...

And men wonder why it takes us sooo long to get ready. Imagine if they had to endure the kind of maintenance that we do.

I must be honest though, in the winter I can go an entire week without shaving my legs! I figure there's no point, no one is going to see them and if the cat doesn't like my hair legs, she can sleep outside.


mannyed said...

I think I'm due for regular beautification/maintenance this weekend. Oh, joyous.

Becca said...

I don't have a lot of facial hair but I have this one little hair that keeps coming under my chin, but I find it and pluck it.

Men! Can't live with them, and you can't live with them! :-)


kay said...

Becca beat me to the punch about the stray-hair situation. Since I turned 42 (I'm not sure why that age, but...), I've had about four hairs that have taken up residence on my chin/throat, sprouting with semi-regularity.

They are alone, each in its own spot, and the hair is coarser than any other hair anywhere else on my body. I do NOT pluck them out, because that hurts, and I am a baby.

Instead, I use a tiny manicure scissors, and snip them as close to the skin as I can. I do this regularly, once a week.

Otherwise, I am pretty fair-haired, so I haven't fallen victim to the moustache syndrome.

I have a very...swarthy?...stepdaughter, however, whose Italian heritage has already revealed itself via a moustache any grown man would be proud of. And she's only 22.

I'm pretty sure it's not my place to give her a little "wax advice," seeing's how she hates me, so instead, I'll just sit back and watch it germinate. And I PROMISE not to be gleeful.

Jess said...

You know how i said last summer i might shave my legs for Steve's wedding, well... i wore pants instead. After you stop shaving for a while they really do stop growing and thin out... it also helps that i get to stay home now and oh my oh my how i love being blond...

Anonymous said...


Malathionman said...

When I wear my thong in public I have to do a little waxing, I hate that! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, M-Man made me wince!
My hubby is smart enough to temp blindness over any visible facial hair- I once threw an open can of tomato sauce at him when he commented on the dimples on the "other" cheeks.
Like Kay, I've got 3 stubborn black hairs that reappear once a month- I pluck those puppies- but one is particularly tenacious.