My cat – bring into the house just one more chipmunk that is feigning death and then miraculously springing to life and running for his/her life under the bookcase where it will eventually take up permanent residence, meet another rogue chipmunk and raise a family of wee chipmunks and I will banish you forever. Oh and eating grass and then vomiting on the living floor is not helping your cause!!
My fellow co-worker – keep on bitching that it’s too cold in the office and keep messing with the thermostat and will break every one of your fingers
My boss – ask me to revise the report I did for you one more time and I will quit.
QUIT I tell you!!
The rash on my flabby white belly – please just GO AWAY. You are unsightly, you itch and you are spreading and you will force me to break out the Magical Mystical Gel.
The woodpecker in the tree right outside my bedroom window pecking away at 5am – STOP PECKING!! You are loud and the pecking echoes throughout the neighborhood.
My husband – In a week we will be in Florida on a family vacation. But you are annoying me so very much right now that I don’t know if I can bear to spend a whole week with you. So for now……JUST STOP!!
a final note:
as i was proofreading my entry, i realized that i spelled "rogue - "rouge". And i pictured a little chipmunk all rouged and lipsticked up. and momentarily lost my aggravation.
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7 comments:
nothing like a dolled up chipmunch to ease the crankiness. Wait, did I say cranky...I mean...uh...please don't put me on the list.
And I thought having lizards break into my house was bad. Furry rodents are MUCH worse, I'm sure!
You proofread your entries?
Okay, I normally do, too.
What part of Florida are you heading to?
I ended my sentence with a preposition and I'm okay with that.
I always proofread my entries...I have a thing for typos. Very different than the thing I have for one Matthew McConaughy.
I hate office temperature wars.
I heart your entries. They make me smile.
Chipmunks are such tarts. (But I'm sure if they're baked for about 40 minutes at 350, they'd be DELICIOUS tarts)
I used to be the freezing-cold office worker, because I worked from 4 p.m. till 1 a.m., along with TWO other people in a huge, cement-block building. Not only did it actually BECOME much colder outside, but we had approximately one-tenth the number of people around, thereby lowering the body-heat-factor.
When I began wearing gloves and a hat at my desk, I was told to stop being DRAMATIC by the bitchy woman who had the warmest office in the world (she worked during the day, of course). (She saw me when she stopped in at about 8 one evening, probably to pick up some of the meat she'd hung back by my corner desk. It was THAT COLD.) (I'm not so sure that she didn't also have a wood-burning stove in HER area, as well. I'm still not over her icky, condescending attitude.) (Obviously.)
And I am NOT calling you bitchy. We had an entirely different situation in my case. Please don't break my fingers.
The two words I speak most often to Husband? "Stop talking." It's true.
I hope you avoid alligators and mosquitoes while in Florida. I'm semi-jealous. (Only semi, though, because it's hot and steamy enough here in Minnesota to be called Foridasota.)
Post pictures!
"I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married..."
Just keep a close eye on your stapler.
Magical Mystical Gel? That could mean so many different things to so many different people. Just saying. It made me giggle.
This gave me great giggle. But dammit, I missed the cutoff for postcard sendage from Florida.
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