July 30 1994

Today is our wedding anniversary.

 

Today is the day that I haul out my wedding dress and put it on even though I can't zip it up. 

 

Today is the day that I put on my wedding veil and headband because at least that still fits.

 

Today is the day that we take stock of married life and decide whether or not to go on for another year.

 

Fourteen years ago today, it seemed as though the world had stopped for everything but Tom and Jen getting married at 2pm.

 

Today however,  is the day that the garbage still needs to be put out, the dehumidifer still needs to be emptied, the litter box still needs to be cleaned, laundry still needs to be done, we still need to go to work. 

 

We will keep the celebration to a minimum.  A nice dinner out most likely.  Or if Tom is too tired from working in the sun all day, maybe some takeout.

 

How do you celebrate your anniversary? 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm dis-APPOINTED

The above is a line from one of my all-time favorite movies "A Fish Called Wanda".  And if you don't like "A Fish Called Wanda", I'm sorry but we can no longer be friends. 

 

The reason why I'm disappointed??

 

I missed the Golden Girls marathon.  How did I miss the Golden Girls marathon you ask?

 

Turns out it was on FRIDAY not Saturday. 

 

D'oh!

 

Instead I dedicated myself to the task of cleaning out my linen cupboard.  I cannot believe the number of tablecloths I have purchased over the years and used maybe once or twice.  Anybody in need of tablecloths that would fit a rectangular table that seats six?!?

 

I did find a marathon on Sunday.  The Next Food Network Star. I was a little disappointed in the winner.  But the challenges were fun and the judges were very fair throughout the competition. Giving good, constructive criticisms.

 

This reminds me of when I was a little girl and I used to play that I was Julia Child.  I would set up my play kitchen and pretend that I was making a meal in front of an audience. I loved Julia.  She was oh so friendly with her food.  Alternately rubbing and then smacking her chicken or roast beef to make her point.

 

 

Will you think less of me?

I'm going to post this on a Saturday afternoon and hope that no one will read it because......I really want to see Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants II.

Friday Thoughts

1) I've only just realized that I never ever use the right shift key.  The "shift" on the left shift key is slowly being worn off.

2) I'm wearing a shirt that has some spandex in it and it is moulded to my fat rolls and making me mildly uncomfortable with its snugness

3) Did I tell you that I saw Mama Mia last weekend with my best good friend Ginger?  Meryl Streep was awesomeness personified.  I do think however, that they should have put a warning label on that both watching and listening to Pierce Brosnan sing was going to be painful.  But I thought that he owned his awful singing.

4) I think Canadians must be the single-most politest people on the planet.  Every time I email my Canadian customer a price quote or a document he requested, he always responds with a thank you and a much appreciated.  

5) I prefer to sign my business letters with a black pen as compared to a blue.  Which do you like?

Picture it, Saturday afternoon....Golden Girls Marathon

Yet another marathon weekend.


This one is only from 12-5. So I'll have plenty of time to get weekend chores done both before and after.

the criminal mind......

This article made my day....especially the last sentence "alcohol was involved"

Ya THINK?!?!?!

Marriage....not all it is cracked up to be

I am indignant. 

 

Let me tell you why:

 

I went out of town over the weekend.  While I was gone, Tom's sister came over to spend the weekend with him.  They were going to see Batman and then Tom was going to take her to buy a vacuum for her new apartment. 

 

It was wicked hot in NJ this weekend, so Tom put in the air conditioners, one downstairs in the living room and one upstairs in our bedroom. 

 

Before I left, I tidied up the guest room, removed the piles of clean laundry from the guest bed and reminded Tom that since we don't have AC in the guest room he should bring up a fan for his sister. 

 

Last night, after I got home and before I went upstairs to got to bed, I watched a bit of the ESPY's with Tom. During commercials we talked about our respective days. 

 

It was then that he casually dropped a bombshell.

 

He told me that he let his sister sleep in our bed Saturday night, while he took the couch. 

 

I was dumbfounded. 

 

Firstly because I was sure that he didn't think to change the sheets and secondly that he would allow ANYBODY to sleep in OUR bed ESPECIALLY since I wasn't home.

 

And more to the point, you would think his sister, at 23 years of age, would have the delicacy of mind to thank him for the offer but refuse because 1) there weren't clean sheets on the bed and 2) that is the bed that her brother shares with his wife.

 

So after driving four hours in a rainstorm and just wanting to crawl into bed and go to sleep, I had to change the sheets because there was no way I was going to sleep in a bed with used sheets and a pillow on which she put her sweaty, greasy head!  My pillow.  MY PILLOW!!!!  I don't even like to share my orange mug with my own husband, much less my pillow with his sister.

 

Needless to say, Tom got an earful and chose to spend the night on the couch!

 

I will say this about him though, he gets points for being generous and thoughtful of his sister's comfort.

 

Now tell me truthfully, did I overreact when I went stomping upstairs, hollering loud enough for the neighbors to hear that he had NO RIGHT TO LET HER SLEEP IN OUR BED AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A GUEST ROOM AND ME MAKING UP THE BED IF HE IS GOING TO LET HER SLEEP IN OUR BED AND NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE THE SHEETS?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

!!!!!!!!

This is why I prefer the laundromat.

Mere words are insufficient to describe the fear and fascination I felt when I read this story.

Office Protocol

Is it bad form to clip one's fingernails in the office?  In the privacy of one's own cubicle space? 

 

Tell me now, before I start clipping!!

that's what friends are for

My best good friend Sanna and my other best good friend Ginger share the same birthday, July 21. I've been debating about going out to PA this coming weekend to visit with them.  Maybe take each of them out to lunch or something.  

 

But last night I had a dream that seriously changed all that.

 

In my dream, Sanna had specifically asked me to go out to PA for a big birthday bash she was throwing for herself.  But when I got there, she was too busy to talk to me. She was holding court in bed with two guys from high school.  Colin and Steve.  It was not unlike the time John Lennon and Yoko Ono granted interviews from their bed.  She completely ignored me and I was relegated to entertaining a bunch of little kids.  I tried to get her attention, but she was too wrapped up in herself and the party to even acknowledge that I had made an effort to be there for her.  She made me so mad.  I woke up this morning wanting to slap her silly and thinking to myself, "If she thinks she is getting a gift from me this year, she is sadly mistaken!!"

 

Ginger, on the other hand, can still count on a free birthday lunch!!

 

In other news, I like A&E for three reasons:  Intervention, Gene Simmons Family Jewels and now The Cleaner (starring Benjamin Bratt). I was going to watch it last night and I completely forgot. I'm sure I'll see it in reruns in the coming days, but did anybody see it last night?  I'm quite keen on Benjamin Bratt. Law & Order lost some of its appeal for me when he was written off.   

search this....

At some point in most every bloggers posting life, there comes a time when he or she posts a list of things people are searching for when they come to their site.

 

I have resisted doing this.  But now I need your help.

 

Every week I'm getting more and more hits for people looking for "giant snake killers".

 

Tell me please, what is going on out there in cyber space.  Is this the name of a new movie?  Book? Rock band? Underground sex club? 

 

People must be so disappointed to discover my sad little story about the snake that I so ruthlessly killed.

 

Speaking of snakes...two things....

 

1) when my dad was ripping out the old front porch prior to building the new one, I overheard him saying excitedly "There's one. And another one. And another one!. There must be 20 of them!" 

 

I knew without even looking that he was talking about snakes.  Turns out there was a nest of them living under the porch.  Granted, these snake never get more than 6", but still!!!!

 

2) There was also a regular sized garter snake that made a quick escape from the demolition and took up residence in a new location. This snake likes to come out in the morning and sun himself in the weeds next to the steps.  When I come down the walk in the morning, I make enough of a disturbance to alert him that a human is coming and by the time I hit the steps, the only evidence of him is a slight rustling of the weeds as he very courteously disappears from view. He seems just as afraid of me as I am of him. Since he is so shy, I declared a moratorium on the snake killing. But I can't begin to tell you how my heart pounds as I pass by him everyday.  But this is a good exercise for me to help to conquer my fear of snakes.  I have also instructed Tom to please keep the weeds by the steps well trimmed as I don't want to encourage any of his snake friends to come around for a visit.

 

And before I forget there are two words/phrases that people search for quite a bit:  "panthyhouse" and "itchy balls".

 

I mispelled pantyhose one time and it has haunted me ever since.

 

As for "itchy balls" .....that is self-explanatory

Nuts to you

I'm quite fond of nuts.  Ever see "Best In Show?"  No? 

 

Here's a sampling for you that illustrates my post for today:

 

Harlan Pepper: "I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, "Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts," and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that's what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she'd just start yelling. I'd say, "Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut." That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She'd say, "Would you stop naming nuts!" And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn't talk, but he'd go "rrrawr rrawr" and that sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it's also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut.

 

Today I'm enjoying peanuts by the handful.

 

Planters Peanuts

 

Planters Kettle Roasted Peanuts

 

They are salty and extra-crunchy.

 

In case you didn't know, peanuts are not actually a nut. 

 

This reminds me of an anecdote that will mean absolutely nothing to anybody who didn't go to my high school and who didn't have Mr. Kline for Environmental Ag.  Which is pretty much all of you.

 

Let me preface this story by saying that when I was in college, my roommates used to call me Rose Nyland because of penchant for telling pointless stories such as this: 

 

When you grow up in a farming community the schools have Agriculture or Ag classes. Environmental Ag was a required class in 7th or 8th grade. I wish I could tell you what, if anything, I learned in that class other than the peanut is not a nut.  It is a legume.  And how I remember this is because whenever Mr. Kline would say "legume", he would kind of say it out of the corner of his mouth and draw it out....."leeguuuume" and jut out his lower lip while saying it.  

 

The End

 

Now tell me, what have we learned today?

 

 

Holiday Recap

In case you are at all interested.....the boss surprised us on Thursday by closing the office at 3pm.  I was so busy planning out my day of procrastination that the few things I really needed to get done weren't done, so I ended up not leaving until 3:30.  Wasn't that a bite in the ass?!?

 

It was reasonable weather here in NJ.  A little damp and muggy. But not that bone-crushing, spirit-sapping heat that usually accompanies July 4th.

 

Tom and I also celebrated the 4th by having some fireworks ourselves, when we had an unhappy contretemps over why I am so bone idle that I can't take the garbage to the curb once in a while. I shed some tears and made a heartfelt albeit completely empty promise to try and be more helpful in the garbage removal area and things continued in a happier vein.

 

In honor of July 4th, we watched a PBS documentary called "The Revolution".  I was amazed at how much I didn't know about our country's fight for independence.  Which proves two points: 1) I didn't  pay attention in American History class  2) Mr. Brennar was a suck-ass history teacher.

 

Another marathon weekend. This time it was  Law & Order: SVU.  So I spent an enjoyable afternoon watching Benson and Stabler and Munch and Finn and Capt. Cragen fight crime.  There is not nearly enough of Stabler with his shirt off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quiz in honor of July 4th

I took this quiz and would have done better had I been able to spell Louisiana correctly on the first 4 trys!!

How fast are you?

In 3m 28s

Click here to Play

For your information

Just because I'm at work today doesn't mean that I'm actually going to be productive.

 

I'm just going to sit in my little cubicle and make it sound as though I'm typing up a storm, when I'm really posting to my blog, via email, (mustn't surf the web you know!!!!)

 

Then I'm going to get up for a glass of water from the water cooler frequently. Which will also enable me to make periodic trips to the bathroom

 

Then I'm going to go out to the warehouse to get a box to send a sample.  Then I'll tape it up.  And let it sit conspicuously on my desk to let everyone know that I'm sending out a sample.  We'll see if it actually goes out.

 

Then I'm going to check my personal email a dozen times.  So if you have my personal email address feel free to email me.  I respond, and it will sound like I'm doing more work.

 

Then I'm going to get up to make a copy.

 

Then I'm going to go file something. Just one thing.

 

Then I'm going to get the lunch menus and ask everyone if they want to order out.  Then I'll place the order.  Then I'll eat lunch.

 

Then I'm going to sit at my desk and shuffle papers loudly and officiously. 

 

Then I'm going to staple. Only one piece of paper to itself. Over and over again. But it will sound busy.

 

Then I'm going to make a few phone calls to people I know aren't in today and leave voice mails so that it sounds like I'm on the phone.

 

Then I'm going to water the plants. .

 

Then I'll shred some paper. One piece of paper at a time.

 

I would IM with Sanna and my SIL but they are apparently off today, lucky bastards.

 

Anything else I can do to waste time? It's almost noon. I've got 5 more hours to kill. All suggestions will be taken under advisement.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer equation

Short skirts = bare legs = bare feet =sandals/flip-flops=people's FUGLY feet

On a personal note, since the beginning of May I have worn a different outfit to work every day.

Seriously.

I have too many clothes.

But I wear the same pair of sneakers every day.

So it evens out, right?

I did a marathon on Sunday

The month of music finally is at an end.

 

And wouldn't you know, as I was looking for the Phil Collins song yesterday, I came across Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight".

 

I was surprised how many songs I found that had house or home in them.  I thought I had a nice cross-section of genres, from rock to pop to country to gospel. Any obvious choices I missed?

 

The next topic for NaBloPoMo is food. I'm going to pass on this one.  I've got a month's worth of very important bits of nothingness that are simply crying out to be shared. Like this.....on Sunday morning I awoke with resolve in my heart to DO THINGS.  I was going to go to the carwash.  My car looked like a Jackson Pollack painting with all the bird poop on it.  Then I was going to get some groceries followed by a flying trip to the library to pick up my books that have been on hold for nearly a week.  

 

Notice how everything is in the past tense? 

 

I got sucked into a Jon and Kate plus 8 marathon on TLC.

 

Nothing got done.

 

Not a blessed thing.

 

Wait, I take that back. 

 

In between commercials I did manage to put up a new shower curtain. 

 

Out of curiosity, what marathon will you drop everything to watch all day/weekend long?