Running in an endless loop through my head – “64, 64, 64 Zoo Lane”
For those of you not in the know, it’s a show on Noggin.
Also for those of you not in the know, I am out of baby powder.
That’s right. I use baby powder.
Hey listen, if YOU had the thunder thighs I have, you’d be using something to keep the chafing down to a minimum too!
So the endless loop of “64, 64, 64 Zoo Lane is accompanied by the “swish, swish” of un-powdered thighs.
did i ever tell you about the time i went to a formal event in the city? i wore pantyhose that had shiny stuff shot through them. it made the pantyhose rough to the touch. the rubbing together of my massive thighs against the rough panthyhouse created such friction that it nearly caused a small fire. and basically reduced my inner thighs to a red mass of raw flesh. my mother said it is called "galling". And apparently it runs in the family as my father (a big guy) is afflicted with the same problem from time to time. Especially in the summertime.
Also, the dress that I wore to the formal event? The zipper broke. Because I squeezed myself into a dress that fit as long as I stayed standing. The first time I sat down in the taxi I felt a pop. I had to get the attendent in the Ladies bathroom at the Waldorf Astoria to sew me into the dress. For the rest of the night, I made my friend walk into the room right behind me. And I stood with my back to a wall. After several healthy vodka tonics though, the zipper became a non-issue.
The next morning, I walked bowlegged. Like I was rode hard and put away wet.
It was a miserable night.