Statement

Oh how I wish life had an undo button!!

 

 

Mental Lap Band

It seems though I have lost my blogging mo-jo or my blo-jo if you prefer.

I think I need a jumpstart.

For those of you who expressed an interest in how I dropped the weight:

1) Falldownthestairsandbreakyourleg

2) Spend two weeks in the hospital/rehab not eating hospital food

3) Spend a another month or so eating whatever food your husband makes

In addition, I also came to the realization that I am indeed a sedentary person, so why was I eating like a weightlifter?

Now this part sounds a little silly, but I was also thinking about how when people have weight loss surgery their stomach is made smaller so that they get fuller quicker and eat less. I never even considered surgery (I was after all, just overweight, not the half-ton woman) so I decided to install a mental lap band. I trained myself to do the following:

My mouth to open less.

My stomach to differentiate between true hunger pangs and cravings.

My eyes to read the label for suggested serving size

My hands to bring no more than the suggested serving to my mouth.

Slowly but surely it worked.

I still eat Oreos but only three instead of six. I still drink soda but only 8oz at a time and not every day. Vegetables are still anathema but I eat them because they are good for me.

Exercising would probably help me lose the last 25lbs I need to get down to the weight I was when I got married. But my stamina/capacity for exercise is limited. So if anybody wants to give me some good exercises I can do sitting in my chair in front of the computer, I'm willing to give it a go.

This is me as of 5/6/09:

That is Laura to my left and Cathe to my right. I'm looking pinched and unhappy because we just came out of the restaurant into the frigid (for May) rainy night.

For a reference point - this is me July 4th of 2005:

The wee bundle of baby is nephew Alex. He is a great, big boy of almost 4 now. We were watching fireworks and he slept through the whole thing. Never even flinched. Nerves of steel, he has.

Feeling pretty dang good

Last night I went out to dinner with some former colleagues, all of whom I haven’t seen in a year.

They greeted me with amazement and compliments on my weight loss.

My friend Laura told me, “Jen, you look as hot as shit!” It filled my heart with gladness and I spent the rest of the evening with a silly grin on my face.

There is nothing like getting affirmation from people who love you!!

At the end of the night, as we were departing the restaurant, my other friend Cathe hugged me good-bye and said ,“At the risk of sounding superficial, you don’t even look like yourself”. As I hugged her back, I told her that the new slightly slimmer Jen looks more like me than that puffy, bloated Jen she’s known for years.

Ask Sanna or Jess or Ginger and they will probably tell you that they barely recognize their formerly slim friend under her layers of avoirdupois.

For the record, I’ve lost approximately 35lbs.

Lupus follow-up

I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of lightness that came over me when I came home yesterday and saw that the 5 bags of clothing and miscellaneous junk was removed from my front porch. The older I get, the more I realize that I don't need all this "stuff" in my life. And as long as the Lupus organization is willing to come and pick it up I'm putting out as much as they can take away.

The thought never even crossed my mind that it might be a scam. So that either makes me very gullible or Melody and Sanna very skeptical. Either way, my stuff is gone and I'm already making a pile for the next time they come around!

lupus

A week or so ago I got a mailing from the Lupus organization. They sent me a plastic bag and asked me to fill the bag with unused clothing and other household items, then I should call or go online to lupuspickup.org and schedule a pick-up, put my bags of stuff out on my front porch by 7:30am on the given day and wait for someone from the Lupus organization to come by and pick it up.

I very nearly threw that mailing away.

birthday recap...again

This will be my final birthday recap.

When I arrived home on Thursday, I found a package waiting for me.

It was from my lovely blog-friend Melody. She sent me among other things, a bag of circus peanuts and a beautiful fabric iPod case.
Witness:



SIL Jenny also sent me a Target gift certificate. Which I'm seriously considering using to buy an iTunes gift card. And finally, Mum and Dad sent me a gift certificate for iTunes as well.

I'm thinking making gift suggestions via a blog post is definitely the way to go!

Birthday recap

I had a lovely birthday yesterday.

The day started out on a high note with an email from my best good friend Sanna. She sent me a gift certificate for iTunes.

The day only continued to get better. In the office we had Pizza Hut pizza for lunch followed by the birthday cake of my choice which was a Pepperidge Farms coconut cake. Delish.

When I arrived home after having gone to the salon for a birthday haircut I was greeted by two pots of pansies at the front steps. Tom had potted me some beautiful purple pansies.

Aunt Benita left a birthday greeting on my voice mail, I spoke to Mum and Dad and had a lengthy phone conversation with my sister.

In the mail I received a birthday card from Grandma and Grandpa Bergman with a gift certifcate for Barnes and Noble. Grandma certainly knows the way to my heart!

All in all I would say it was an excellent 37th birthday.

April 22nd - Fun for everyone

Big day today – not only is it my birthday (which I share with Jack Nicholson), but it is also Earth Day (be nice to the Earth, it’s the only one we’ve got) and Administrative Professionals Day.

In celebration of APD I’ve compiled a list of noteworthy Administrative Professionals:


Mrs. Wiggins


Miss Moneypenny - Although she worked for "M", James was her one true love.


Waylon Smithers - who secretly longs for Mr. Burns


Baldrick - dogsbody for The Black Adder




Jennifer Marlowe - Receptionist for WKRP in Cincinnati - Don't let the blonde hair fool you, she was the smartest one at the station

Who would you have picked?

Belated Easter Tidings

I spent the Easter holiday with my parents out in PA...and before those of you who live in PA start up with the whole "why didn't you come see me", we came in late Saturday and left Sunday afternoon. I wouldn't have had the time to visit each and every one of you. Maybe next time!

More importantly, I want to introduce you to "My Precious"


Isn't she a beauty? She is an early birthday present to myself.

We will be friends for life.

general announcements

We are heading into the final days of Lent.  When is over, I'll have been without soda for 40 days.  The first couple of days were very hard. I had to give up my daily Pepsi, which caused me to have massive headaches as the caffeine to which I had become addicted slowly left my body.

 

As part of Lent, in addition to giving up something that I enjoy, I'm also giving up "stuff" in my life.  Not just the clutter that seems to surround me at home, but the clutter that surrounds my heart.  I'm giving up the resentment I've been harboring towards a particular person.  It is not doing me or my marriage any good, so I'm letting it go.

 

For those of you who don't know, April in my birth month.

 

I share this month with other friends and family including but not limited to my mother and my wee niece Verna Mavis.

 

Please note that I'm not trolling for gifts or anything, but should you feel the need to show your love and affection for Nejyerf, I'm going to give you a gift idea.

 

Pay attention Mum!!

 

I would love an iTunes gift card.  As you may or may not know, I got an iPod Touch for Christmas and have been building my music library. But the iPod Touch does more than just play music. I can also download movies and TV episodes and books and music videos.   

 

Just a thought for those interested parties.

 

The time has come to pack away my winter wardrobe and bring out my spring/summer clothes.  Just in time too, considering that the pants I've been wearing all winter are a size too big.  I'm putting all of them in the Good Will bin and will think about shopping for new clothes next fall.

update on the razor blades

I checked on eBay. 

 

They are selling the razor blades for cheap. As well as the baby formula that G Love mentioned. 

 

eBay is the modern-day blackmarket.

 

I don't want to pay the ridiculous prices the stores are asking for these thin pieces of metal, nor do I want to support the thieving bastards. 

 

If only I could talk Tom into using an electric razor or growing a beard.

 

I myself would give up shaving my legs no problem.  Actually,  while we are on the subject, last time I shaved my legs was in October.  You should see them.  They look like men's legs. 

 

Oh yes, I am lovely to cuddle up to on a cold winters night!!

 

What is the longest you have gone without shaving?

razor blades

Last night I went to CVS to get Tom fresh blades for his razor. 

 

Much to my surprise and bewilderment I found that CVS keeps razor blades for the Gillette Mach3 and Mach4 and Fusion etc. under lock and key.

 

I had to get a cashier to unlock the case.

 

When I asked him why they are kept locked, he told me that people steal them.  He pointed to the empty case where the Fusion blades would normally be and said "This case was left unlocked and someone cleaned us out."

 

This begs the question "Why are people stealing razor blades?"

 

Are razor blades locked up in your neck of the woods?

 

Delurk to tell me.  I need to know.  This could keep me up nights!

dreams

If you have been following along at all with my MS related stories, you might recall that I have exceptionally vivid dreams due to the low-dose naltrexone that I've been taking.

 

Sometimes they are about strange things.  For example, I had a dream that I chased Sarah Jessica Parker down a city street and then proceeded to spank her bare bottom with her flip-flop.

 

Most often, they are sex dreams involving my husband which, as I have expressed before, are a big gyp. 

 

Last night I had a dream that involved one of the guys I work with.  In my dream he came up behind me and nuzzled my neck. In my dream I enjoyed it.

 

I awoke from this dream feeling a little naughty. 

 

The dream lingered with me all morning and when I got to work I couldn't even look him in the face.

 

We have been having very brief, stilted conversations all day. 

 

I am also stealing furtive glances over my shoulder to make sure he's not sneaking up behind me.

like, like, like,

Note: Missy....you should be getting a package today.

 

I say "like" entirely too much for a person of my advancing years.

 

Like, do you know what I mean? 

 

Like, I when I try to, like, describe something, I, like, use the word "like", like way too often.

 

You would think I'm, like a high school kid.

 

Help me!!!!

BOLO

Cory - a package for you is on the way.

 

Jenster - email me your address nejyerf@hotmail.com

 

Missy - patience grasshopper

 

Yesterday morning when I arrived at work I was greeted by an agitated co-worker. She was angry with me.  She hollered and gave me some serious attitude.  This in turn made me so very, very angry. I tossed my calculator across the desk with a vengeance and sat fuming. I plotted how I was going to confront her and tell her that she's acting like a petulant child and that if she knew what was good for her, she would not talk to me this way. 

 

(This is one of the drawbacks of working with women. They can get so bitchy.  Plus it doesn't help that she is Colombian and to further complicate things, she is NEVER wrong.  It must be exhausting being perfect all the time!!)

 

I pulled myself together and after a cooling off period, I began to put into practice my tactic for dealing with assholes.

 

I got biblical on her ass. 

 

I do a combination of the following:

 

Turning the other cheek: 

 

"That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." Matthew 5:39 (KJV)

 

and heaping coals:

 

"Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head." Romans 12:20 (KJV)

 

Some people might prefer confrontation.  But I have found that in the work place confrontation leads to hurt feelings and festering animosity. I choose to play nice. 

 

Getting biblical works every time   Seems as though the Lord knows what he is talking about.

 

If doing the above two things doesn't work for you, you can go a step further, look the angry person straight in the eye and say to them ever so earnestly "You seem to be so miserable that I'm going to pray and ask God to help you find peace in your heart".  I guarantee that talking about God in such a personal and intimate way makes most people so very uncomfortable that will abandon their beef with you and send them scurrying for the safety of their desk/cubicle, leaving you the victor.

first day of spring, my foot!!

Two nights ago it was mild enough that I was able to go out without a coat. I even heard peepers for the first time.

 

This morning, the official first day of spring, I awoke to a light dusting of snow on the ground.

 

I was not amused.

an octet of non sequiturs

Try as I might, I've never gotten the knack of using chop-sticks.

 

I've never really liked reading poetry. It makes my head hurt.

 

My all-time favorite Christmas movie is "White Christmas". I always thought Vera-Ellen looked like a Barbie doll come to life.

 

Do you think Michelle Obama has a nickname for Barack? 

 

There are personages of my acquaintance who are know-it-alls. After prolonged exposure, I just want to punch them in the mouth.

 

Did you know, Dorothy Parker was a profoundly unhappy woman with a razor tongue.  And she also had Communist leanings? 

 

For my Snyder County friends.... I can't decide which are better - peanut butter Easter eggs or coconut cream?  Dad bought me one of each from the Beavertown Fire Company.

 

My favorite quote from Beaches?  "Iris Myandowski is a hand-walking queer!"

BOLO

Sanna and Melody....be on the lookout for a package coming in the mail this week.  Sanna, yours may have already arrived.  

 

Cory and Missy.....you're up next.

 

In other news, I have discovered that if a person quits commenting on the blogs she reads faithfully and only posts sporadically on her own blog, said blog soon becomes like a ghost town. 

 

See the tumbleweeds and dust blowing in the wind?

 

Tell me to get off my lazy ass and get back to posting!!!!

 

I'm depending on you.

(un)comfortably numb

One of the symptoms of MS is numbness.

 

Both my feet are pretty numb as well my legs and somedays it travels up to my ribcage. 

 

My left hand is also numb. 

 

Numb might not be the right word for it.  Altered sensation is more accurate. 

 

Be that as it may, the numbness in my extremities is not my point for this post.

 

The real numbness seems to be an emotional one. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if, like our country, I'm going into a bit of a depression.

 

Or maybe I'm finally growing up, because I'm finding it harder and harder to get worked up about things.  Things that used to bother me just slide right off, like water off a ducks back.

 

Take the skirmish Himself and I had the other day about the breadbox.

 

Jen: "WHY, in the name of all that is holy and wise, do you leave continue to leave the bread box lid down?  Seriously.  When you are done with the bread and you put it back in the bread box, just put the lid up. Look at how simple it is to close the lid".

 

Jen (opens bread box): Open

 

Jen (closes bread box with a bang):  CLOSED

 

Jen:  Now how hard was that?

 

I must say, he took the hollering and assorted histrionics like a champ and I thought my point was made.

 

The next morning the lid was down again. And I knew in my very soul that he did it on purpose.  Just to mess with me. However, because I had expended all my anger and frustration the day before, I just shrugged off my irritation and calmly closed the bread box myself. 

 

In the past,  I would have harangued him endlessly just to prove my point.  Oh, yes I was a joy to live with!!!. 

 

But now? 

 

Now I just take a deep breath and move on.

 

Life is too short and otherwise complicated to be all het up about nothing.

 

HOWEVER.....just try drinking out of my orange mug or sleeping in my bed without my knowledge or permission!

 

That is a whole different kettle of fish!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

donuts

Even though I'm constantly jonesin' for a Pepsi I've stayed strong with my commitment of "no soda" for Lent.

 

However I did have two Dunkin Donuts today, a French cruller and a Boston Creme. One right after the other. Which left me decidedly nauseous but strangely satisfied.

 

Yesterday I sent the first of my packages out.  This one was to my mother.  Since she won't be writing in to tell us what she received, I'll let you know that I sent her an assortment of 1950's stickers and gift tags that she can use for the various crafty things she make. 

 

Who will be next to receive a gift from Jen?!?!