Friday, November 30, 2007

the return

Hello my lovely internet beauties, I’m back!!!

Did you miss me?

I surely missed you!!

Today I went to the Dr and had the staples and sutures removed. I’m to go back in two weeks for more x-rays. He says I should be able to start putting weight on the leg at that time.

The past two weeks I’ve spent in rehab learning how to negotiate with a walker. I was also issued my own personal wheelchair while I was there and once I mastered the art of driving the wheelchair I went zipping up and down the halls.

I was probably the youngest patient there. Most of the other patients were elderly people who broke their hips.

Things I was unable to do whilst in rehab:

1) Get a good nights sleep. They were always wanting to take my blood, take my blood pressure or wanting me to take pills. They pushed the pain medication. I quit the oxycontin after a couple of days because I’m a Bergman and Bergman’s are tough and pain is our middle name. Can I get an “Amen” from Sister Jenny?

2) Poop. All the meds I was on gave me a good case of constipation. Again they wanted to give me meds to make things easier. The words milk of magnesia was bandied about. I chose to take the natural route and just waited it out. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

3) Shower. I went a very long time without a shower. I did the best I could doing what Sanna and I call a “whore’s bath”. You know….. pits and crotch. But after a few days I began to smell pretty ripe. So when the nurse’s aide came in my room and asked if I would like to take a shower I jumped at the chance, even though she would have to help me. I’ll draw a veil over the ensuing shower action but just know that I felt like the elephant at the zoo that gets the hose turned on him at bathtime!!

4) Check Perezhilton.com for updates. The computers worked sporadically. And oddly enough, I was able to live without knowing the latest celebrity news. Could I be over Perezhilton.com????

5) Check in on all of you to see what’s been going on in your life. My newsgator feeder is weighed down with all of the blogs I need to read. But be assured that I will get around to visit. Thank god for the “Hymnal”!!

Big thanks go out to my best, good, friend Sanna, who so ably updated “Calling Dr. Bombay” while I was away. She was a good guest host. Maybe we can talk her into becoming a regular on the show??? A roving reporter perhaps?


More to come, but I’m an invalid now and I have to go and do what invalids do, which is to lay on the couch with the cats and watch reruns of “The Golden Girls”

It’s good to be back.

And lest I forget… it’s Friday and time for a Zach Attack.



15 comments:

Allknowingjen said...

YAY! Glad you are back in the land of internet access! :) Hope you are feeling ok and getting around well enough. Did you say staples? ugh! and Gah! and you poor thing! You are the only person I know who's been to rehab ;)

Dana said...

Oh you and your humor were so very much missed!
I am so glad you are back...I am not sure about you watching Golden Girls after being rehab. I guess you are weaning yourself from the elderly gently.
Do you have the cool metal rods sticking out that gross everyone out wherever you go?
Look forward to hearing more!

Beth said...

I am so glad you are doing okay. Good to have you back....we missed you!

pixie sticks said...

you should totally put tennis balls on the bottom of your walker! Everytime I see that I think of my lovely Gram and smile. Glad you're on the mend.

Betsy said...

Welcome back!!!!

PS- Little House on the Prairie are great when you're sick.

Betsy said...

EPISODES! Little House on the Prairie EPISODES!

Jenny said...

Amen! But even I succumbed to the vicodin after giving birth to the Zach Attack.

Also, let it be known that there is nothing better than the all day TNT Law & Order marathons...

Jess said...

Glad to have you back!.... finallly.... i've been checking 6 times a day since Tuesday, when you were rumored to be returning home... now i can rest easily...

Jenjennyjennifer said...

I just decided to check up on you and was so happy to see your post! I'm so glad you are home and I wish you many nights of wonderfully, restful sleep! Go saw some logs!

Misty said...

Bless your heart! I've been waiting for this beautiful day to arrive. What a horrible mess.
you were missed!! :)

Missy said...

Glad your back! I hope you have a speedy & full recovery at home with much internet surfing and blogging.

Dana said...

Oh and pictures! We want pictures. I mean if we can handle the pic of your butt bruise then we can certainly handle a pic of that leg on the mend...

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

Thank gawd you're back. The blogosphere has been too damn quiet with you gone.

mk99 said...

You were sorely missed my friend. Here's hoping the recovery continues as successfully as it has so far and to you bouncing around again (not literally this time please).

Kay said...

Hooray! So nice to have you back and blogging again. You're one tough cookie, and I really admire your sense of humor about the whole thing. You make everything sound funny -- and I mean that as a compliment because funny is a difficult thing for most people to pull off.