Keeping Up Appearances

If I were Hyacinth Bucket (that's Boo-kay) I would never admit to what I'm about to tell you but since I'm me, I will gladly share my story.

First off you should know that Wednesday is Tom's regular day off and when I left for work, he was preparing to go out and do some Fall clean-up's, get more kerosene, mow the lawn and get a haircut.

When I arrived home, I found that that although the lawn was mowed, the empty kerosene jugs were still waiting by the door and my shaggy-haired husband was very nearly comatose on the couch.

When I tried to rouse him, he was exceedingly obnoxious so I retreated to the kitchen whereupon I called my sister and we had a nice long chat. Midway through the call, the sleeping giant woke from his slumbers, lurched into the kitchen, stumbled out the back door and proceeded to retch violently off the back porch. He sounded like a college girl puking in the parking lot of a fraternity house. I was tempted to ask him if he needed me to hold back his hair!! Staned back ladies, he's all mine!!

After that unfortunate episode, he made his way back to the couch to spend the rest of the night there.

When I awoke this morning I had to ask what happened. Turns out our feckless hero spent the day reliving his college years by doing some recreational drinking. He drank three XXX Molsen beers followed by Sambuca. Lord only knows how much of the Sambuca he managed to consume, but I know that he finished off a bottle, because I found the empty in the trash.

Oddly enough, this morning he exhibited no signs that he was suffering any ill side effect of his wee binge. I call it a wee binge, because in his hey-day this drinking would have been naught but a drop in the alcohol bucket.

The silver lining in all of this? Jen got a night off. I didn't have to make dinner and I could talk uninterrupted on the telephone for over an hour.