Thursday, October 09, 2008

Notes from the Northeast Kingdom

1) The day after I arrived, my sister helped a cow deliver a calf.  I wished I could have been there to watch.  I'm really hoping she washed her hands after! One year when I was visiting, we had to go out into the pasture to look for a calf that had been born overnight.  After we found him, my sister hefted that 100+ lb baby calf over her shoulders and we walked triumphantly back to the barn.  I stepped in a cow pat on the way back.
 
2) There is a meat eating dinosaur even bigger than the T Rex.  Jason can pronounce all of the dinosaur names, so when I was reading him his library book about the dinosaurs I had to turn to him for the exact pronunciation.
 
3) If a cow is delivered of twins - a heifer and a bull - there is an 80% chance that the heifer will be sterile.
 
4) Verna, my littlest niece is fully potty-trained but refuses to use the big potty.  She uses a little training potty. Her mother informed her that if she is going to use the little potty then she needs to be responsible for emptying it.  Verna doesn't always remember......
 
5) Oftentimes, for dessert, my sister's family has bowls of maple syrup.  Just plain maple syrup.  It was the most amazing thing.  One minute there was noise and confusion and whining and then John (her husband) brought out the jug of maple syrup and poured bowls  for the three kids and himself.  Silence reigned as they all tucked in to their bowls and started slurping away, not unlike eating soup.  John and the girls like the light syrup while Jason prefers the darker syrup.  The light syrup is the grade A stuff.  John sugars the syrup himself every spring from the sugar bush that has been supplying sap for maple syrup since his great-grandfathers time. 
 
6) This is where Jody and her family live.  Craftsbury, VT  is in the Northeast Kingdom and is quiet and peaceful.  The sky seems so close when you are up on the mountain.  On Friday morning it was 45° and Jody had the wood stove going.  Her father-in-law says that he can remember a year where it snowed every month. 
 
7) Because it is a farm, there are always cats around. Jody brought three wee kittens down from the barn to be housecats.  Verna walks around with one little kitty draped over her arm, looking not unlike my grandmother carrying her great big black purse. Jason picks up a kitty by the scruff of the neck and lets it dangle there saying "This is how Daddy picks up the kitty". It makes both me and the kitty nervous as evidenced by the plaintive "Mew, mew" coming from the kitty.  Phoebe wants to show me how the all black kitty can do back flips.  If the kittens survive the man-handling by the kids they will be well equipped for life in the house although I'm sure they would prefer  life in the barn where the only requirements are to catch mice and drink warm milk straight from the cow.
 
8) Jody works two days a weeks at the United Church of Craftsbury  as the church secretary.  The church is a stones throw from the Craftsbury library.  The library is beautiful. There is a roofed porch with a windowed door that leads into an anteroom, where the library patrons are encouraged to take off their shoes before entering the library proper.  I'm sure this is greatly appreciated by the library staff, especially during mud season.
 
9) Bella is Jody's BIL's dog.  She is an English Mastiff.  She is large and kind and truthfully a little silly for such a big dog.  She sounds ferocious as she lets out a deep-throated "WOOF" when someone comes to the door.  For a big dog she is very light on her feet and does not jump up on visitors, which is good for me since I'm a little unsteady on my feet.  A week before I arrived, Bella was in heat and was unable to get any satisfaction from Jody's little Corgi dog named Morgan.  Morgan and Bella are chums and engage in regular evening wrestling matches.  When Morgan becomes overwrought with excitement, Bella calmly and gently engulfs his head with her mouth and Morgan becomes deathly still. He must feel as though the all lights have gone out!  Jody said that when Bella was in heat and not really interested in wrestling, Morgan was bewildered by the change in his playmate.  Bella has since come around and although she doesn't know it yet, is scheduled for a trip to the vet later this month to get spayed.
 
10) Jody allows her kids to have gum, even though Verna can't keep the gum in her mouth.  She is always playing with it and stretching it out.  When Mama, Phoebe and Verna were walking back from the barn, Verna's gum fell out of her mouth onto the dirt road.  She wept some bitter tears and told Mama that she couldn't chew it anymore because "there is road on my gum."  When she told me her sad story I was all set to give her another piece of gum but Mama said "No, it is time for bed".  Aunt Jen promised Verna and Phoebe that she would give them gum before she left for NJ the next morning.  Jason protested, "But I won't get any, I'll be in school".  I promised to put a piece in an envelope for him so he would have something to look forward to when he came home from school.
The next morning, when I came into the house, the very first thing Phoebe and Verna said to me was "Aunt Jen, can we have our gum now!?!"
 
11) As do so many Vermonters, Jody heats her house with a woodstove. John told me that he cuts wood for their house, his sister's house, his parents house and the sugar house.  It averages out to about 5 cords of wood per house.  He cuts and splits and stacks this wood all by himself.  Jody says he would almost rather work in the woods than do the dairy farming.   Either way, it all boils down to a lot of hard work!!
 
Thus concludes the notes from my visit north.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

in other news

Monday night I stayed up way past my bedtime to watch the Monday Night Football game.

It was worth it to watch Reggie Bush run the ball for not one but TWO punt returns for touchdowns.

Tuesday I went to the eye doctor for a regular eye exam and dropped $600.00 on new glasses and contacts. I stayed up way past my bedtime playing a video game. I've been stuck at this one level for the last month and I FINALLY passed it. I was so tempted to wake up Tom so he could share in my jubilation, but common sense prevailed.

Tonight is laundry and the finale of Project Runway and then to bed by 11pm or my name ain't Jen!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

freckles and phoebe

When I was a little girl, I was all over freckles.

I was so freckly my mother wrote a story about my freckles aptly titled "Jenny's Freckles" and my Papa would tease me mercilessly that I was "rusting out". Over time the freckles on my face faded and I was left with just freckles on my arms and the story of "Jenny's Freckles".

Turns out my little niece Phoebe has freckles as well.

"Phoebe" I exclaimed in surprise and delight, "you have freckles on your nose".

"I know" she calmly responded, obviously used to people pointing out the obvious.

Monday, October 06, 2008

the weary traveller returns

I don't know if you noticed, but I was away last week.
 
I went up to Vermont to visit with my sister and her family.
 
I have stories to tell and bits of farm lore to share.
 
All of which will be forthcoming, but in the meantime anything new and exciting happen while I was gone?

Friday, September 26, 2008

64min and 38 seconds to save the world

Even though Sanna and I communicate daily via IM or email, I thought after the proposal question we should talk person to person and called her on her cell phone Sunday evening.

As it turned out, she was driving back from a weekend spent with Dave in Virginia and was falling asleep at the wheel and needed some company. Being the good friend that I am, I started talking and according to the phone bill, we talked for 64min and 38 seconds.

What, you may ask, could we find to talk about for 64min and 38 seconds?

Oh you know.....this, that and the other thing.

She did divulge, that after due consideration and after reading the thoughtful comments from the readers of Calling Dr. Bombay, she has decided to wait for Dave to do the proposing. I think it was the final comments from GLove that did the trick.

Do you have long, luxurious phone calls with your friends, long distance charges be damned?

Or am I the only one that is so carefree with her money?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

resentments and silver linings

It's not always fun and games over here at Calling Dr. Bombay.
 
Some mornings I wake up with a heart full of resentment.
 
Resentment over the fact that my husband won't rinse his dishes and put them in the dishwasher on a regular basis.
 
Resentment over the fact that I live 3 hours away from my parents and best good friends
 
Resentment over the fact that I live even further away from my sister and her kids
 
Resentment over the fact that I will never again be able to walk a straight line or trip lightly down the stairs.
 
Resentment over the fact that I have to go to a wedding next weekend and mingle with people I don't know.
 
Resentment over the fact that it is a good bet that my husband will drink too much at the wedding and I'll have to drive him home.
 
Resentment over the fact that my tooth aches when I eat anything sweet which means a trip to the dentist (please dear god, not another root canal)
 
Resentment over the fact that by the end of the day I will have developed a pounding headache which is a clear indication that I need to get a stronger contact lens prescription.
 
But then I sit myself down for a stern talking to and try to look for the silver linings: 
 
1) At least I have a dishwasher and electricity and don't have to wash my dishes in a bucket of water like some people in Houston have to do.
2) That is what the telephone and the internet is for, not to mention old-fashioned letter writing
3) I'm driving up to Vermont to spend the week with my sister and her kids
4) At least I can walk unassisted and don't need a wheelchair just yet
5) I'll get a free lunch
6) He'll owe me big-time
7) This is an added incentive to quit eating sweet things
8) Take two Advil and be thankful that it's not optic neuritis or diplopia
 
What do you resent?
 
And can you find the silver lining?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, September 22, 2008

It's Elemental

When Ginger was visiting me last month, in a fit of nostalgia we went through my high school memorabilia.

I came across this notecard from 12th grade chemistry




When I was taking the class I barely understood it and now it is complete gibberish.

What I do remember is this:

Fe = Iron
How I remember this is that a farrier (which starts with an F) is another name for a blacksmith and he puts IRON shoes on horses

Pb = Lead
How I remember this is from the book "The Mouse and The Motorcycle"by Beverly Cleary . The way Ralph S. Mouse gets his motorcycle to move is by making the sound "Pb-pb-b-b-b. Pb-pb-b-b-b." Motorcycle=getting the lead out.

Mo = Molybdenum
One of my best good friends in high school had the name Molly. Molly = Moly(bnenum)

Sn = Tin
I remember this one because in order to cut tin you need tin sn(ips)

And that is pretty much all I remember of chemistry.


Although in my job I do on occasion have need for Potassium = K, Magnesium = Mg, Calcium = Ca, Titanium = Ti

Which ones do you remember and how?

Friday, September 19, 2008

Twosies

Thank you internets, for your wise counsel on the question of whether Susanna should propose to Dave. Although I feel compelled to mention that some of you missed the point of the question. 
 
It wasn't so much whether or not Sanna and Dave should get engaged/married, but rather should SHE ask HIM to marry her.
 
Nevertheless, I'm sure Sanna will take what you learned people have said under advisement. 
 
I will issue periodic reports on the situation as it develops further.
 
I know that with the all other major things going on in the world right now this whole question might seem trivial, but I think it vividly points out that life continues to go on, even in the midst of a hurricane or a Wall Street tumble.
 
I will leave Sanna with this final thought (courtesy of SIL Jenny)
 
Britney proposed to KFed......
 
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming:
 
Two Songs I'm Really Digging Right Now:
Sandcastle Disco - Solange Knowles
Chasing Pavements - Adele
 
Two Think I'm Eating
Chocolate covered popcorn - (Thank you Cory)
Leftover candy from the Labor Day parade (Thank you nephew Alex for collecting said candy!!)
 
Two Movies I Recently Watched and Loved:
Gunga Din - why does India seem so romantic in the movies
The Purple Rose of Cairo -  even though he might have only a small part - any movie with Edward Herrman is immediately improved
 
Two Things I'm Contemplating Purchasing:
A new winter coat from LL Bean - faux shearling parka or lambswool duffle
A new comforter for our bed - goose down or flannel
 
Two Options We Are Debating As A New Source of Heat for the House:
Pellet stove
Gas stove

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

help me to help her

Last week I got the following email from Sanna (for any new readers, Sanna is one of my best good friends since grade school days):

This was the email in its entirety:

i'm considering proposing to Dave.
what do you think

She sent this email to both me and her sister Johanna.

Dave is Sanna's boyfriend .

Here is some background on Dave and their relationship:

1) They met April 14 2007 on a camping trip set up by a mutual friend
2) Their first date was May 18 2007, she went to his house - he had tickets to see a concert but then lingered over dinner and opted to go to his house and have a firepit in his yard and drink wine
3) They are both 36
4) He was married for 4 years, no children, he's been divorced for 7 years
5) She has had several serious relationships
6) She lives in PA - he lives in VA
7) She makes more than he does
8) He is in interviews about a job in PA near hers
9) Which means they are talking about his moving in with her
10)He is well liked by her family and friends

When I read the email my first thought was to say "DON'T DO IT....WAIT FOR HIM TO ASK YOU"

And then my second thought was..... "don't offer your friend relationship advice....remember the whole Colin debacle?".

The Colin debacle was quite simply Susanna asking me for advice and I foolishly advising.

Wrongly.

I am a pragmatic.

I think Sanna should wait and let it evolve naturally.

Johanna on the other hand, was all for it.

Her suggestion went something like this:
it seems like you are itchy to give him a special gift to show him how special he is to you, so, why don't you just buy him a ring and keep it on your person whenever you guys are together
and then when/if he proposes to you with a ring, you can have your beautiful moment and then say, 'wait, i have something for you too'.that way you both have a special token and you get to experience areal proposal from the boy who loves you so much and vice versa.


But she is a romantic.

There are two TV instances that stand out in my mind as reasons for the woman not to propose:

1) Gilmore Girls - Lorelai proposed to Luke and he accepted. He later flung that back in her face
2) Sex and the City - Charlotte inadvertently proposed to herself. She later got a huge Tiffany ring but still, it was a foreboding.

Have any of you ever proposed?

Would you propose?

How would you advise Sanna?

Friday, September 12, 2008

Jaws

When you hear the word Jaws what pops into your mind?

Jaws the movie









The James Bond villain Jaws




(The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker)






And if you are a sports fan ......
Ron Jaworski, former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and currently a football analyst for ESPN.

While I am a sports fan, I am NOT a Ron Jaworski fan. The reasons are many. Too many to mention here, but just know that I can't bear to hear him talk. According to my husband, Jaws actually does know his football (and is not afraid to tell you!!)

The other night I had a dream that I was on the sidelines at a Pittsburgh Steelers game. I was tossing the football back and forth with a nameless Steelers player, when I was brutally tackled from the side. After I picked myself up and dusted myself off I was unpleasantly surprised to discover that I had been tackled by none other than Ron Jaworski.

I was mildly irritated all day.

I even called Tom at work to tell him about my dream.

He consoled me with this thought, "It could have been worse, it could have been Joe Theisman."

Tom knows that my disgust for Joe Theisman runs deep and true!
And that, my friends, is how I know that football season has come to my house!
Has it come to yours?!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

baby got back

There was a time when I was in high school that I was obsessed with my ass.
 
I was sure that it was too big.
 
I wore long sweaters and big shirts to disguise it. 
 
Every day in the cafeteria I took the long way round a table of upperclassmen boys because I was sure that Corey Hoffman  would be staring at my ginormous rear-end and could never ever love me!!!
 
Over time, my obsession faded away and I never really worried about my body again. 
 
But this morning prior to getting dressed, I was looking at myself in all my naked splendor in the mirror and it suddenly occurred to me that my 9th grade self would be positively mortified and quite possibly incapacitated if she could see the sheer size and magnitude of her ass now!!!
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Notes

Weather - It was pouring down rain here in NJ this morning.  The sky turned as dark as night and the heavens opened up.  For a while it was like our own mini-hurricane.  As luck would have it, I left the living room windows wide open.
 
Appearance - I have a pimple on my forehead. It looks like I have been shot right between the eyes. As such, I'm wearing my hair very low over the forehead today.
 
Sports - So far football has been awesome - sidenote to Tom Brady and Peyton Manning:  practice makes perfect.
 
TV: 30 Rock and The Office are coming back. WOO-HOO!
 
Books - I'm re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series. They just never get old.
 
Movies - I just saw Waitress over the weekend.  Keri Russell totally surprised me.  She is actually quite funny.
 
Food - The season of candy corn is rapidly approaching AND my blog-friend Cory has promised me a delicacy. Chocolate covered popcorn.   
 
Clothes - Time to put away the summer wardrobe and bring out the fall.  I need some new clothes.  Maybe something in burnt orange for fall?
 
Husband - Nothing bad to report here. I'm quite liking him at the momemnt. 
 
Health - The MS is held in abeyance and I haven't fallen down in months (knock on wood)
 
Wealth - Got a 5% cost of living pay raise
 
Happiness - As always I am happy but yet never too far from a moment of unhappiness. 
 
How about you, my lovely little blog friends?  Any notes you want to share with the class?
 
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, September 04, 2008

blue no more

Because I was feeling blue and in need of a friend, I called Ginger last Thursday and asked her if she would come out and spend Labor Day weekend with me. 
 
And she did.
 
We sat around and gossiped and argued and laughed and reminisced and were generally silly creatures all weekend.
 
It was good.
 
By the time she left on Monday I was no longer blue.
 
In other news, I have finally slogged my way through the last of the blogs in my blog reader. I kinda took some time off from the whole commenting thing.  Hey, it was summer and I needed a vacay!!
 
So to all of my lovely blog friends.... fear not, I will be returning to form and resuming commenting. 
 
Further news.... I am finally reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.   
 
As a matter of fact, I think for the month of September (which for me is murder mystery month) I am also going to re-read some books from my childhood.
 
What are you going to read this month?
 
 
 
 

Friday, August 29, 2008

waxing philosophical

I've been thinking about this for days.....friendships are very much like trying to parallel park.

When parallel parking it may take several false starts to get into the space just right. Sometimes you get too close to the car in front of you or you back up into the car behind you or it turns out that no matter how you try, your car just doesn't fit into the space at all and you have to go down to the next street to find an empty space.

The same with friends....

Sometimes you get too close and allow too much information to pass between you so that things get uncomfortably intimate.

Sometimes one friend isn't afraid to say what he or she thinks and manages with a sharp tongue to back all over the other person. Feelings are left crumpled, not unlike front headlights.

In my experience, when either of these things happen, I take a moment and examine the friendship to see if it is worth keeping.

Sometimes, it is I who have done the backing over the feelings and it is I who need to make the necessary repairs to keep the friendship running.

It always saddens me when I come to the realization that the friendship is just never going to work. And that probably I should keep it very superficial.

Sometimes we get lucky and find friendships that are easy-going and that can withstand both the getting too close and the backing over. These friendships are like parking in a grassy field. No lines to stay between, no worrying about jumping the curb, just drive in and park. I am lucky that I have two such best, good friends in Sanna and Ginger.

So it is nothing but love for Sanna and Ginger today!







Wednesday, August 27, 2008

cleanliness is next to godliness

As we speak, a team of highly organized, professional cleaning peoples are hard at work cleaning up 4 months worth of filth in my house.
 
That's right, I pay people to clean my house.
 
They do it in under an hour, while I am at work.  So when I come home today, I'm going to find a sparkling clean house.
 
Luxury.....sheer luxury
 
As a special treat to myself, I've also asked them to please clean out the refrigerator. So all I will have to do is throw out the moldy leftovers!
 
And tomorrow?
 
The carpet cleaners are coming!!
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dull

Folks....I have lost my edge.
 
Just last weekend, I was made the butt of a joke that I did not find in the least bit humorous.
 
The person who made the joke/comment however, thought that she was simply hilarious and cackled to herself while I sat in abject embarrassment, mute,  unable to form an appropriate comeback.
 
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can usually hold my own in a verbal sparring match.
 
Two days later, I'm STILL trying to come up with a smart retort.
 
I've got nothing.
 
What is the wait time for a good comeback/smackdown?
 
I'm thinking a week is too long.....
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, August 22, 2008

clarification

I should clarify my earlier post....when I say "big" I don't mean fat, I mean muscular. 
 
Any one of these girls could snap the likes of Nicole Kidman or Paris Hilton like a twig.
 
And that is what I love about them.
 
 
 
 

Olympics

How twisted is it that because I am so used to looking at wafer-thin models and actresses and other quasi-celebrity types that when I am watching the Olympics and seeing normal, healthy-looking women athletes doing what they've trained for years to do, in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Boy, is she a big girl"?
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Do you know what I hate....

You know what I hate….

I hate the euphemism “va-jay-jay”. I prefer “hoo-hah”

I hate that Christina Applegate had to have a double mastectomy. At 36 years of age

I hate that no matter how many times I start to read “House of Seven Gables” I put it aside in favor of any other book or the latest Collections Etc. catalog

I hate that I have no real desire to exercise. Not even lifting little hand weights in my chair like I did when I was in rehab.

I hate that my love for Oreos has waned and I hate that I have no explanation for this strange turn of events.

You know what I love……

I love Meryl Streep in all her guises and accents ( I just saw Sophies Choice for the first time)

I love the smell of freshly cut onion grass

I love my brand-new 500ct plum colored sheets that are waiting to be put on the bed.

I love that I have something deliciously wonderful to look forward to for next week.

I love this conversation that my mother had with my little 5 yr old niece Phoebe when Phoebe called to tell Grandma that she lost her first tooth:
‘She also told me Daddy took them to the fair. She said she got lost. When I asked her what she did, she replied,
"I walked back and forth and whimpered a little bit."’



I totally felt Phoebe's pain. Any time I ever get lost be it at a fair or a department store or a huge parking lot or even driving in my car I do the same thing. Especially the whimpering.

What are you loving or hating at the moment?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Guilty Pleasure

I am currently indulging in one of my favorite guilty pleasures.
 
The romance novel.
 
That's right. I admit it.  I read romance novels.
 
I have dedicated the month of August to rereading some of my favorite romance authors.  Jude Deveraux, Kathleen E. Woodiwiss, Jayne Ann Krentz, Julie Garwood, etc. 
 
Nothing that is a strain on the brain.
 
While the rest of you read your fancy, mind-improving, New York Times bestsellers, it will be nothing but heaving bosoms and thrusting loins for me!
 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, August 15, 2008

Operation


When we went out for our anniversary dinner, we went to TGIF. We went there because we had a $50.00 gift certificate. Of all the similar chain restaurants, TGIF is my least favorite. I like Ruby Tuesdays. Especially the mini-hamburgers.


TGIF has, for lack of a better word, crap all over the walls. It looks like a garage sale. One of the things that was pasted up on the wall near our booth was the game Operation. Remember that game? You had to use a tweezers to pick out the pieces and not hit the sides or the game will emit a buzzing sound and the nose will flash red and you will have lost your turn.

Tom and I were reminisincing about the game. I noted that there was a new addition to the ailments, brain freeze. I didn't remember that from my childhood game. Tom told me that he used to play Operation with his sister and cheat. Cheating at board games is a tradition for the Bergmans.

But it got me thinking about board games.....I have to say that Candyland is probably my all time favorite board game. Followed by a rousing game of Parcheesi or Trivial Pursuit.

What do you play?


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

State Songs

It all started with OOOOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain. I couldn’t get that song out of my head. And it got me to thinking about other songs that might have a state name in its title.

After doing some serious research on Itunes, I came up with the below list.

Wisconsin was a bugger as was Washington. Iowa would have been tough but for “The Music Man!” Kentucky, Tennessee and California were very popular and all the songs referencing New York were for NYC. But overall I think I’ve got a pretty comprehensive list of songs.

And yes, I do realize that this was a great time waster, but it is summer and the boss is on vacation!!

What songs would you have chosen?

Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynrd

North To Alaska – Johnny Horton

Arizona – Paul Revere & The Raiders

Mary Queen of Arkansas – Bruce Springsteen

Hotel California – Eagles

I Guess He’d Rather Be in Colorado – John Denver

Connecticut – Bing Crosby and Judy Garland

Delaware – Perry Como

Mainline Florida – Eric Clapton

The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia –Vicki Lawrence

Blue Hawaii – Elvis Presley

Idaho – Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Illinois – The Everly Brothers

Up In Indiana – Lyle Lovett

Iowa Stubborn– The Music Man (musical)

You’re Not In Kansas Anymore – JoDee Williams

Blue Moon of Kentucky – Patsy Cline

Leaving Louisiana In The Broad Daylight – The Oak Ridge Boys

Maine – No Strings (musical)

Maryland – Vonda Shepard

Massachusetts – The Bee Gees

Especially In Michigan – Red Hot Chili Peppers

My Minnesota Home – Garrison Keillor

Mississippi Half-Step Uptown Toodleloo – The Grateful Dead

Wish We Were Back in Missouri – Emmy Lou Harris

Wild Montana Skies – John Denver

Nebraska – Bruce Springsteen

Stop In Nevada – Billy Joel

New Hampshire – Sonic Youth

Never Going Back to New Jersey – Less Than Jake –

New Mexico – Johnny Cash

Leaving New York - REM

Just A Little Bit South of North Carolina – Dean Martin

North Dakota – Lyle Lovett

Ohio – Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Does the Wind Still Blow in Oklahoma?– Reba McEntire

Oregon Trail – Woody Guthrie

Pennsylvania Polka – Frankie Yankovic

Sweet Rhode Island Red – Ike and Tina Turner

South Carolina – The Outlaws

South Dakota Morning – The Bee Gees

My Tennessee Mountain Home – Dolly Parton

Somewhere Down in Texas – George Strait

Utah Carol – Marty Robbins

Moonlight In Vermont – Willie Nelson

Virginia Moon – Foo Fighters

Washington – Nicholas Tremulis Orchestra

Leaving West Virginia – Kathy Mattea

Under Wisconsin – The Kissers

Song of Wyoming – John Denver

Monday, August 11, 2008

Of Mice and Jen

I have been waging a war for months. 
 
My enemy?
 
The furry, furtive little creature known as the mouse.
 
They have established a command post next to the dishwasher.
 
The make midnight sorties into the utensil drawer and gnaw on my pastry brush. 
 
They infiltrate the pots and pans cupboard, leaving a trail of mouse turds in their wake.
 
Our cats have proven useless at capturing the mice.
 
We have laid out glue-traps, but the cunning creatures evade them.
 
We have  plugged in devices that emit a high-pitched frequency that is supposed to deter rodents, but they just put in ear protectors and keep coming.
 
My sister suggested that Tom pee all around the foundation of the house.  Oddly enough, the man who likes to pee outside whenever he gets the chance declined.
 
Instead he purchased something called "Mouse Magic", a potent mixture of spearmint and peppermint oils that is supposed to repel rodents via a more organic, humane way. 
 
But to no avail.
 
Just the other day, I pulled out a pot, and filled it up with water to boil some pasta.  Imagine my dismay to find, as I was draining off the water, little black flecks of mouse droppings adhering to the pasta.
 
We have set the standard issue, spring loaded mouse trap with peanut butter.  But they send in their bomb disposal unit to remove the peanut butter without setting off the trap. 
 
I believe we are dealing with a Rats of NIMH situation here.
 
We may have to abandon the house.
 
Or get a black snake to patrol the premises.
 
Any suggestions will be taken under advisement.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Don't get too close

 
I'm sick.
 
I have a summer cold.  And no, it is not allergies.  It is merely a cold
 
Summer colds suck.
 
I feel like I'm underwater and my ears keep popping. 
 
I have a tight cough that won't quit.  But as the day progresses it is starting to loosen up ..so you know what that means....next I'll be horking up great gobs of phlegm. 
 
Don't you just wish you were working in the cubicle next to mine?!?
 
Luckily I haven't lost my sense of taste yet. 
 
 
 
 

Friday, August 01, 2008

Boycott

For quite some time I have been waging a private boycott against Tom Cruise.  Do I really need to go into specifics as to why I'm boycotting ol' Tommy boy?
 
The final straw was NOT the couch-jumping on Oprah nor the infamous unprovoked attacked on Brooke Shields. What put me over the edge was the interview I saw him do on "Inside the Actors Studio" with James Lipton.  He was so full of himself, talking about the "craft" of acting.  It was too much to bear.  So I quit him, cold turkey.  Which I admit was hard at first, but then he started coming out with stinker after stinker of a movie and I felt justified.
 
The only times I lift my boycott is to watch either Top Gun or Jerry Maguire.  Jerry Maguire was the last movie  Tom did in which it seemed as though he was truly enjoying himself.
 
Oh and Risky Business. 
 
Because who doesn't like to see a youthful Tom in Ray Bans and underpants?
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

July 30 1994

Today is our wedding anniversary.
 
Today is the day that I haul out my wedding dress and put it on even though I can't zip it up. 
 
Today is the day that I put on my wedding veil and headband because at least that still fits.
 
Today is the day that we take stock of married life and decide whether or not to go on for another year.
 
Fourteen years ago today, it seemed as though the world had stopped for everything but Tom and Jen getting married at 2pm.
 
Today however,  is the day that the garbage still needs to be put out, the dehumidifer still needs to be emptied, the litter box still needs to be cleaned, laundry still needs to be done, we still need to go to work. 
 
We will keep the celebration to a minimum.  A nice dinner out most likely.  Or if Tom is too tired from working in the sun all day, maybe some takeout.
 
How do you celebrate your anniversary? 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, July 28, 2008

I'm dis-APPOINTED

The above is a line from one of my all-time favorite movies "A Fish Called Wanda".  And if you don't like "A Fish Called Wanda", I'm sorry but we can no longer be friends. 
 
The reason why I'm disappointed??
 
I missed the Golden Girls marathon.  How did I miss the Golden Girls marathon you ask?
 
Turns out it was on FRIDAY not Saturday. 
 
D'oh!
 
Instead I dedicated myself to the task of cleaning out my linen cupboard.  I cannot believe the number of tablecloths I have purchased over the years and used maybe once or twice.  Anybody in need of tablecloths that would fit a rectangular table that seats six?!?
 
I did find a marathon on Sunday.  The Next Food Network Star. I was a little disappointed in the winner.  But the challenges were fun and the judges were very fair throughout the competition. Giving good, constructive criticisms.
 
This reminds me of when I was a little girl and I used to play that I was Julia Child.  I would set up my play kitchen and pretend that I was making a meal in front of an audience. I loved Julia.  She was oh so friendly with her food.  Alternately rubbing and then smacking her chicken or roast beef to make her point.
 
 

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Will you think less of me?

I'm going to post this on a Saturday afternoon and hope that no one will read it because......I really want to see Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants II.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday Thoughts

1) I've only just realized that I never ever use the right shift key.  The "shift" on the left shift key is slowly being worn off.
2) I'm wearing a shirt that has some spandex in it and it is moulded to my fat rolls and making me mildly uncomfortable with its snugness
3) Did I tell you that I saw Mama Mia last weekend with my best good friend Ginger?  Meryl Streep was awesomeness personified.  I do think however, that they should have put a warning label on that both watching and listening to Pierce Brosnan sing was going to be painful.  But I thought that he owned his awful singing.
4) I think Canadians must be the single-most politest people on the planet.  Every time I email my Canadian customer a price quote or a document he requested, he always responds with a thank you and a much appreciated.  
5) I prefer to sign my business letters with a black pen as compared to a blue.  Which do you like?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Picture it, Saturday afternoon....Golden Girls Marathon

Yet another marathon weekend.


This one is only from 12-5. So I'll have plenty of time to get weekend chores done both before and after.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

the criminal mind......

This article made my day....especially the last sentence "alcohol was involved"

Ya THINK?!?!?!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Marriage....not all it is cracked up to be

I am indignant. 
 
Let me tell you why:
 
I went out of town over the weekend.  While I was gone, Tom's sister came over to spend the weekend with him.  They were going to see Batman and then Tom was going to take her to buy a vacuum for her new apartment. 
 
It was wicked hot in NJ this weekend, so Tom put in the air conditioners, one downstairs in the living room and one upstairs in our bedroom. 
 
Before I left, I tidied up the guest room, removed the piles of clean laundry from the guest bed and reminded Tom that since we don't have AC in the guest room he should bring up a fan for his sister. 
 
Last night, after I got home and before I went upstairs to got to bed, I watched a bit of the ESPY's with Tom. During commercials we talked about our respective days. 
 
It was then that he casually dropped a bombshell.
 
He told me that he let his sister sleep in our bed Saturday night, while he took the couch. 
 
I was dumbfounded. 
 
Firstly because I was sure that he didn't think to change the sheets and secondly that he would allow ANYBODY to sleep in OUR bed ESPECIALLY since I wasn't home.
 
And more to the point, you would think his sister, at 23 years of age, would have the delicacy of mind to thank him for the offer but refuse because 1) there weren't clean sheets on the bed and 2) that is the bed that her brother shares with his wife.
 
So after driving four hours in a rainstorm and just wanting to crawl into bed and go to sleep, I had to change the sheets because there was no way I was going to sleep in a bed with used sheets and a pillow on which she put her sweaty, greasy head!  My pillow.  MY PILLOW!!!!  I don't even like to share my orange mug with my own husband, much less my pillow with his sister.
 
Needless to say, Tom got an earful and chose to spend the night on the couch!
 
I will say this about him though, he gets points for being generous and thoughtful of his sister's comfort.
 
Now tell me truthfully, did I overreact when I went stomping upstairs, hollering loud enough for the neighbors to hear that he had NO RIGHT TO LET HER SLEEP IN OUR BED AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A GUEST ROOM AND ME MAKING UP THE BED IF HE IS GOING TO LET HER SLEEP IN OUR BED AND NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE THE SHEETS?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, July 17, 2008

!!!!!!!!

This is why I prefer the laundromat.

Mere words are insufficient to describe the fear and fascination I felt when I read this story.

Office Protocol

Is it bad form to clip one's fingernails in the office?  In the privacy of one's own cubicle space? 
 
Tell me now, before I start clipping!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

that's what friends are for

My best good friend Sanna and my other best good friend Ginger share the same birthday, July 21. I've been debating about going out to PA this coming weekend to visit with them.  Maybe take each of them out to lunch or something.  
 
But last night I had a dream that seriously changed all that.
 
In my dream, Sanna had specifically asked me to go out to PA for a big birthday bash she was throwing for herself.  But when I got there, she was too busy to talk to me. She was holding court in bed with two guys from high school.  Colin and Steve.  It was not unlike the time John Lennon and Yoko Ono granted interviews from their bed.  She completely ignored me and I was relegated to entertaining a bunch of little kids.  I tried to get her attention, but she was too wrapped up in herself and the party to even acknowledge that I had made an effort to be there for her.  She made me so mad.  I woke up this morning wanting to slap her silly and thinking to myself, "If she thinks she is getting a gift from me this year, she is sadly mistaken!!"
 
Ginger, on the other hand, can still count on a free birthday lunch!!
 
In other news, I like A&E for three reasons:  Intervention, Gene Simmons Family Jewels and now The Cleaner (starring Benjamin Bratt). I was going to watch it last night and I completely forgot. I'm sure I'll see it in reruns in the coming days, but did anybody see it last night?  I'm quite keen on Benjamin Bratt. Law & Order lost some of its appeal for me when he was written off.   

Monday, July 14, 2008

search this....

At some point in most every bloggers posting life, there comes a time when he or she posts a list of things people are searching for when they come to their site.
 
I have resisted doing this.  But now I need your help.
 
Every week I'm getting more and more hits for people looking for "giant snake killers".
 
Tell me please, what is going on out there in cyber space.  Is this the name of a new movie?  Book? Rock band? Underground sex club? 
 
People must be so disappointed to discover my sad little story about the snake that I so ruthlessly killed.
 
Speaking of snakes...two things....
 
1) when my dad was ripping out the old front porch prior to building the new one, I overheard him saying excitedly "There's one. And another one. And another one!. There must be 20 of them!" 
 
I knew without even looking that he was talking about snakes.  Turns out there was a nest of them living under the porch.  Granted, these snake never get more than 6", but still!!!!
 
2) There was also a regular sized garter snake that made a quick escape from the demolition and took up residence in a new location. This snake likes to come out in the morning and sun himself in the weeds next to the steps.  When I come down the walk in the morning, I make enough of a disturbance to alert him that a human is coming and by the time I hit the steps, the only evidence of him is a slight rustling of the weeds as he very courteously disappears from view. He seems just as afraid of me as I am of him. Since he is so shy, I declared a moratorium on the snake killing. But I can't begin to tell you how my heart pounds as I pass by him everyday.  But this is a good exercise for me to help to conquer my fear of snakes.  I have also instructed Tom to please keep the weeds by the steps well trimmed as I don't want to encourage any of his snake friends to come around for a visit.
 
And before I forget there are two words/phrases that people search for quite a bit:  "panthyhouse" and "itchy balls".
 
I mispelled pantyhose one time and it has haunted me ever since.
 
As for "itchy balls" .....that is self-explanatory

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Nuts to you

I'm quite fond of nuts.  Ever see "Best In Show?"  No? 
 
Here's a sampling for you that illustrates my post for today:
 
Harlan Pepper: "I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, "Harlan Pepper, if you don't stop naming nuts," and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that's what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she'd just start yelling. I'd say, "Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut." That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She'd say, "Would you stop naming nuts!" And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn't talk, but he'd go "rrrawr rrawr" and that sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it's also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut.
 
Today I'm enjoying peanuts by the handful.
 
Planters Peanuts
 
Planters Kettle Roasted Peanuts
 
They are salty and extra-crunchy.
 
In case you didn't know, peanuts are not actually a nut. 
 
This reminds me of an anecdote that will mean absolutely nothing to anybody who didn't go to my high school and who didn't have Mr. Kline for Environmental Ag.  Which is pretty much all of you.
 
Let me preface this story by saying that when I was in college, my roommates used to call me Rose Nyland because of penchant for telling pointless stories such as this: 
 
When you grow up in a farming community the schools have Agriculture or Ag classes. Environmental Ag was a required class in 7th or 8th grade. I wish I could tell you what, if anything, I learned in that class other than the peanut is not a nut.  It is a legume.  And how I remember this is because whenever Mr. Kline would say "legume", he would kind of say it out of the corner of his mouth and draw it out....."leeguuuume" and jut out his lower lip while saying it.  
 
The End
 
Now tell me, what have we learned today?
 
 

Monday, July 07, 2008

Holiday Recap

In case you are at all interested.....the boss surprised us on Thursday by closing the office at 3pm.  I was so busy planning out my day of procrastination that the few things I really needed to get done weren't done, so I ended up not leaving until 3:30.  Wasn't that a bite in the ass?!?
 
It was reasonable weather here in NJ.  A little damp and muggy. But not that bone-crushing, spirit-sapping heat that usually accompanies July 4th.
 
Tom and I also celebrated the 4th by having some fireworks ourselves, when we had an unhappy contretemps over why I am so bone idle that I can't take the garbage to the curb once in a while. I shed some tears and made a heartfelt albeit completely empty promise to try and be more helpful in the garbage removal area and things continued in a happier vein.
 
In honor of July 4th, we watched a PBS documentary called "The Revolution".  I was amazed at how much I didn't know about our country's fight for independence.  Which proves two points: 1) I didn't  pay attention in American History class  2) Mr. Brennar was a suck-ass history teacher.
 
Another marathon weekend. This time it was  Law & Order: SVU.  So I spent an enjoyable afternoon watching Benson and Stabler and Munch and Finn and Capt. Cragen fight crime.  There is not nearly enough of Stabler with his shirt off.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, July 04, 2008

Quiz in honor of July 4th

I took this quiz and would have done better had I been able to spell Louisiana correctly on the first 4 trys!!

How fast are you?

Thursday, July 03, 2008

For your information

Just because I'm at work today doesn't mean that I'm actually going to be productive.
 
I'm just going to sit in my little cubicle and make it sound as though I'm typing up a storm, when I'm really posting to my blog, via email, (mustn't surf the web you know!!!!)
 
Then I'm going to get up for a glass of water from the water cooler frequently. Which will also enable me to make periodic trips to the bathroom
 
Then I'm going to go out to the warehouse to get a box to send a sample.  Then I'll tape it up.  And let it sit conspicuously on my desk to let everyone know that I'm sending out a sample.  We'll see if it actually goes out.
 
Then I'm going to check my personal email a dozen times.  So if you have my personal email address feel free to email me.  I respond, and it will sound like I'm doing more work.
 
Then I'm going to get up to make a copy.
 
Then I'm going to go file something. Just one thing.
 
Then I'm going to get the lunch menus and ask everyone if they want to order out.  Then I'll place the order.  Then I'll eat lunch.
 
Then I'm going to sit at my desk and shuffle papers loudly and officiously. 
 
Then I'm going to staple. Only one piece of paper to itself. Over and over again. But it will sound busy.
 
Then I'm going to make a few phone calls to people I know aren't in today and leave voice mails so that it sounds like I'm on the phone.
 
Then I'm going to water the plants. .
 
Then I'll shred some paper. One piece of paper at a time.
 
I would IM with Sanna and my SIL but they are apparently off today, lucky bastards.
 
Anything else I can do to waste time? It's almost noon. I've got 5 more hours to kill. All suggestions will be taken under advisement.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Summer equation

Short skirts = bare legs = bare feet =sandals/flip-flops=people's FUGLY feet

On a personal note, since the beginning of May I have worn a different outfit to work every day.

Seriously.

I have too many clothes.

But I wear the same pair of sneakers every day.

So it evens out, right?

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

I did a marathon on Sunday

The month of music finally is at an end.
 
And wouldn't you know, as I was looking for the Phil Collins song yesterday, I came across Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight".
 
I was surprised how many songs I found that had house or home in them.  I thought I had a nice cross-section of genres, from rock to pop to country to gospel. Any obvious choices I missed?
 
The next topic for NaBloPoMo is food. I'm going to pass on this one.  I've got a month's worth of very important bits of nothingness that are simply crying out to be shared. Like this.....on Sunday morning I awoke with resolve in my heart to DO THINGS.  I was going to go to the carwash.  My car looked like a Jackson Pollack painting with all the bird poop on it.  Then I was going to get some groceries followed by a flying trip to the library to pick up my books that have been on hold for nearly a week.  
 
Notice how everything is in the past tense? 
 
I got sucked into a Jon and Kate plus 8 marathon on TLC.
 
Nothing got done.
 
Not a blessed thing.
 
Wait, I take that back. 
 
In between commercials I did manage to put up a new shower curtain. 
 
Out of curiosity, what marathon will you drop everything to watch all day/weekend long?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, June 30, 2008

Take Me Home - Phil Collins

you'll be happy to know that today is June 30th and as such, comes the end of my month of songs/videos with home in the title.

starting tomorrow, we will go back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting

In the meantime......take us home Phil!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Ghost In This House - Alison Krauss and Union Station

If you don't know Alison Krauss and Union Station this isn't the best song to introduce them to you but it serves my purpose for this month.

I suggest trying them on for size though. You just might like them.



ah what the hell....this one is on the house....get it..."house"